an update on the ghost.

so, the ghost has been identified.

it's my dad's mother. my granny. she died when i was very young. she had alzheimers. i remember little of her. i've said this before. what i remember...comes from my dad. she was strong. talkative. supposedly, my grandfather never talked. not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't get a word in edgewise. she was smart. she was kind. gentle. she was the sign language person in their church in eldorado. i think she was a lot like my dad.

tonight i received a text from my dad. i wish you all knew him. he's unlike anyone else in the world. he and my mother. what a wonderful couple they make. what a great example they are to me. anyway...the text said this...

relax about the ghost. it's granny. she waited all this time to contact us. i've always thought it would be me she would contact. but it's you and probably will be spencer later. she senses that you need some help with pratt and she returned to help you since she left before you got grown. i figured that out when i realized that every time she has been here, either you or spencer were also here. she knows i don't need her but she is going to be around for the two of you. so relax, it's not casper, but it is a friendly ghost for sure...

it's the sixth sentence.

i lost it at the sixth sentence.

he said "some help". not just help...but "some". almost in a gentle way. that one word was meant to soften what he was saying. making sure i understood that he was in no way passing judgment. he'd deny this if i asked...but i know him. and i know that's why he said "some help" and not just "help".

and then that about her leaving before i was grown. she did. she did leave before i was grown. she left too early. both sets of my grandparents left too early.

as spencer said, i should feel safe. i do. i actually do. i feel safe.

thank you dad. even though i'm crying uncontrollably...thank you.