heaven.

Clint took Pratt to the candy store in the mall today.

This is what Pratt came home with...




Awesome. At least...it is to Pratt.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a few things.

1. if you have more than one child, i apologize to you for ever acting like raising one child was overwhelming or hard or end of the world-ish.  i mean, seriously.  you should have slapped me across the face.  my friend stacy always said, "i can't wait for you to have this baby.  so you stop freaking out about pratt."  boy was she right.  pretty much, pratt could sock someone in kroger and i'd be like, "oh well.  it's just a little tap."

honestly.  how do you do it with two kids?  max is best known as "mad max" from around 8 am until 11 am every.single.morning.  up to this point, i've had someone here with me.  well, except maybe 3 days.  what in the world am i gonna do when clint is back at work and i have to hold a screaming baby AND help pratt do normal things!?

pratt has suddenly become the easiest child ever.  yes, i said that.  EASIEST CHILD EVER.  like, i would totally take him to meet the queen of england.  or the pope.  idk.

okay.  i must say that at the time, one child was totally overwhelming.  and i cried all the time.  but i realize now how i've gotten used to it.  and we have a whole new "normal".  and i loved it.  and so now...now, it's another new.  and we haven't gotten the "normal" part down yet.  idk if we ever will.

2.  i'm kind of mad at max for taking up so much of time.

do you think i'm horrible for saying this?  probably.  but it's how i feel.  i feel like i never get to visit with pratt anymore because i'm constantly helping max.  burping him.  feeding him.  wiping those horrible yellow poop pellets off his business.  it's never ending.

like the other night i read pratt like 12 books.  just so i didn't have to leave his room/bed.

i really miss pratt.  really, really.

3.  i forgot that my stomach feels like a ball of chicken and dumpling dough.  gross me out.  and that line is still there.  and it's frumpy.  and i can't work out yet.

ha.  as if i would even work out if i could.  because WHEN WOULD I WORK OUT!?  you skinny moms, idk how you do it.

4.  i'm totally exhausted.  and can't think straight.  today i noticed that max has a dimple.  i said, "look clint. he has a dimple.  i don't have any.  and you don't have any.  wonder where he got that from?"

and clint reminded me that he has dimples.

i had forgotten.

or did i ever really know?

or has he really had a beard the entire 8.5 years we've been together.

omg.  have we really been together for 8.5 years!?  yes.  yes we have.  gosh.  that's a long time.  no wonder there's not always stuff to talk about.

5.  i peed one time yesterday.  ONE TIME.  that is not normal.  or healthy.  i needed to pee like 5 times.  but i couldn't find the time.

that's all for now.

aren't you glad you spend the last 10 minutes reading this?

ha.  sorry.  better post next time.  but i needed this documented.  so that in 2 years when i'm back to normal, i'll remember where i came from....

(an addendum).

i knew i spoke too soon in regards to pratt being my easy child.

clint just brought him home from an outing.  they went into little rock.  the mall.  sams.  and a few other places.  anyway, he was so happy to be home.  and i was so happy to have him home.

i put him down for a nap.  i should add that max is asleep too.  in his room.  as i put pratt down, i said to him (BIG mistake.  i know now), "max is asleep.  so we need to be really quiet."

well, 10 minutes later pratt is screaming my name.  when i get up there, he asks me if he woke up max.  and he smiled.  like he totally tried to.  once i left the room, he screamed again.  and then a third time which got him a pretty good swat on the rear.

10 minutes after that, he screamed my name again.  when i walked in, i realized he had rubbed neosporin all over his face.  and hands.  i used his blanket to wipe it off and then walked out.  i knew he wanted to get up and go the bathroom to clean up.  not happening.  he said he need to poop.  not happening.

so when he craps the bed...it's totally  my fault.  :)

this day just keeps getting better and better.

joint bath.

I keep waiting on Pratt to demand his own space. I mentioned them taking a bath tonight together and he was so excited.

He didn't want max to get out. Pratt wanted to help wash him off. And then help put on his jammies.










Sweet boys.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

dear boys.

dear boys,

when i was much younger, i knew i wanted you two in my life.

i didn't know then what you would look like.  or what you would sound like.  and i had no ideas about your personalities.

but i knew, in my heart, that i wanted you beside me.  for a good, long while.

i've never been good with makeup.  or hair bows.  or cute clothes.  my sister is.  i'm not.  i'm not stylish.  or cute.  or trendy.

i've always prided myself on my trivial pursuit knowledge.  and my love of literature.

mostly, i've done this to make up for my insecurities in all other areas.  it's hard being a girl.  luckily you two will never know what that means.  or feels like.

i say that to say this...

when you grow up, be nice to the girls you meet.  because they are sensitive.  and delicate.  and usually wear their hearts on their sleeves.  and the world isn't always easy for us.  in fact, it's hard.  most of the time.

look to your daddy for help here.  he (while not perfect.  because none of us are.  but he's pretty close.) knows how to be kind.  he's never disrespectful to me.  and that was for sure one of the things that made me love him.

i love you two so very much.  and while these days are sometimes blurry from lack of sleep...i hope you both will grow up knowing how loved you are.  and how your daddy and i are trying our very best.  so please forgive us for the screw ups we will inevitably make.

as cookie and pop pop always said to me, i really do always have the best intentions.

i love you both more than you will ever possibly understand.

xoxo,
mommy.

swagger wagon.

we got a minivan.  yep.  a honda odyssey.  and it's the greatest thing we've done in a really, really long time.  every single time i press that automatic door slide open button, i smile.

pratt does too.

this past weekend clara and jessalyn were here.  and jessalyn showed us a video for the toyota sienna.  on youtube.  titled "swagger wagon".

we laughed and laughed.  you should go find it.  if you have kids, you'll appreciate the rap.

anyway, somehow pratt heard us talking about it.  and wanted to see it.  so i showed him.  he now has it saved as one of his favorites on youtube.  swear.

so the other day i was at the dmv getting my plate/paperwork transferred over.  i put pratt up on the counter and begin getting everything out for the woman.

she says, "what kind of car did you get?" you know, just making conversation.

before i can answer, pratt says, "oh! we got a swagger wagon!"

but to hear him say it, it sounds like "shaggin' wagon"!

the woman's face was priceless.

and from that point on, he's been telling everyone we see what we got :)

two weeks.

He's 2 weeks old today.

And we all love him. Even though he wakes for the day around 5 am. And he sleeps four straight hours from 830 to 1230...and won't seem to shift that from 1030 to 230.



He's a cuddly little snuggle bunny. And I could watch him sleep all day.

He still sleeps with his legs pulled up to his chest. And hates to be swaddled. But needs it.

Happy memorial day weekend!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hilarity.

If you know my dad, you've seen this face before.








And you most likely saw it riiiight before he does that "funny" thing where he walks in a restaurant and "falls" over a table. Knocking down several chairs and taking a tumble. It's horrible. It's horrible if you're with him bc you know what he's about to do. He thinks it's hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious...




He doesn't even ask for help anymore. He just drops them.

Please be sure you check out the entire ensemble below. Frog boots. Carhartt overalls. A guitar pic necklace from the Beebe sale barn. And a stick.

Idk.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

big brother.

if awards were given for being the best big brother...Pratt would get one for the past two weeks.




Here he is getting ready to hold him. Notice his arm. And the pillow.

Adorable. Maybe the cutest picture ever. Yes. I think it is.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

boys.

He loves being outside. The breeze. The wind rustling the trees. The dogs barking.

All of it. He just soaks it all in.



he loves being outside too. because there is dirt. And there are crickets. And butterflies. And dogs.




oh, and there is a lizard in his cricket cage.  which makes for a very interesting afternoon.  and VERY dirty fingernails.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

bellybutton.

Max's bellybutton came off last night.

He might as well have started talking. Or driving. Or going to senior prom.

When I opened his outfit, I saw it. Or lack thereof. And I gasped. And then cried.

I feel so different at this point. Yes, I'm completely and totally exhausted. I can't seem to get ready in 20 minutes anymore. And I'm crying at everything.

But I just want time to stop. Completely. So that I can enjoy max as a baby. And Pratt as a 2.5 year old with the greatest head of hair ever. And the funniest looking rug burn under his nose.




I want clint to be home everyday. All day. I feel complete when he is here.







Anyway. Max turned 14 last night. And I'm in the market for a time machine.

Happy hump day.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

all day.

i've cried all day.

like good ones.  bad ones.  happy ones.  sad ones.

i can't stop.  it started this morning when pratt was picking out books to take to nana's house.  he picked up "i love you forever" and looked up at me and said, "this one makes you cry, mommy."

i laughed.  and he smiled that big smile, with those big almond shaped brown eyes and said, "yes.  it does, momma.  it does."

and what did i do?  i cried.  of course i did.

then i cried when he was getting dressed and his jeans were too short.  because this means he's growing.  and getting bigger.  which means he's getting closer to going to college.  (this really is my thought process. i'm nuts.  nuts.)

i cried when i saw the tornado damage in missouri.

i cried when i realized that oprah only has 3 shows left.  and i cried as i watched show three.  i cried when tom hanks came out.  i cried when i saw oprah hugging that little student of hers in africa.  i cried watching beyonce.  because no one should be that hot.

i cried when i got laura, cari and my mom's comments on the blog from sunday night.

and i'm crying now as i type this.

clint has gone for a run.  dinner is in the oven.  and max is asleep.  all is good.  but i'm still crying.  and when i cry, my entire face gets red and puffy.  and i can't hide it.  like, it will be obvious that i've cried for a solid 2 hours post cry.

so when clint gets home, he will come in and see my face and wonder what is wrong.  and i won't be able to explain that nothing in the world is wrong.  maybe he already knows me well enough.  yes, i bet he does.  i bet he laughs at me.  and says,  "hannah, you're crazy."

no.  wait.  he will say it to max.  he will say, "max, your mommy cries a lot.  i hope you learn to get used to it."

that's what will happen.  i'm sure of it.

and now i'm crying because he knows me so well.

someone get me some medicine....

all boy.

Pratt is spending his day with his nana. She told him they could do whatever he wanted. All day.

And he chose this...




Digging worms. That's right.

This morning as he was looking at his fishing crickets, he told me that crickets had antennae. He said pop pop told him that. Idk. I assume clint told him when they were fishing.

About 30 minutes later, he came up to me and said, "for Halloween I want to be a bug with antennae. Possibly a fricket!"

Fricket=cricket.

All I can think about is that terminix commercial where the bugs are giant and can talk.

Great. I guess Pratt can be a cricket and max can be a fish. That screams country livin'.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

week one.

something about 60 minutes on cbs signifies the end of a week for me.  as a kid, i can remember my dad being on the couch watching it.  and it always meant the start of a school week.  getting in bed early.  etc, etc.

and so for that reason, tonight when i heard that familiar tick tick tick of the 60 minutes clock, it hit me that our first full week as a family of 4 was coming to a close.

overall, i'd give it a solid a.  i don't know how.  or why.  i keep waiting on the you-know-what to hit the fan.  because it's going to eventually.  and i know that.  and it's like i'm just holding my breath for it.

pratt has been so good.  i've literally watched him age significantly since max arrived.

i guess it was the monday night after max was born.  i was nursing him.  and it was around 2 am.  and he couldn't get full.  cluster feeding, i think is the term.  anyway.  max's crying woke pratt.

i was downstairs but i heard his little feet on the floor up above me.  i got about halfway up the stairs when i saw him.  he was standing in his doorway, holding b, with his two fingers in his mouth.

i stood there, holding max...trying to nurse and see what was wrong with pratt.  all in the middle of the night.  going on no sleep.

before i could say anything, pratt said, "it's okay mommy.  i can put myself back in the bed."

to say that i lost it...well, that doesn't begin to encompass what i felt.  my heart broke into a million pieces.  i immediately put max down.  gave him to clint.  and i crawled in the bed with pratt.  and i lay there until he fell asleep.  i must have cried for a solid 30 minutes.

he was so big.  that's all i could think about.  how big he was.  how big his face was.  and his hands.  and how heavy he was.  he just seemed so big.  so grown up.

that was the hardest moment up to this point.

pratt has had some trouble when people come over to see max.  he isn't quite sure why they aren't coming over for him.  and so when the attention gets turned to max, he acts out.  trying to get attention any way he can.  as my former professor says, "all behavior is a form of communication."  so true.  and so pratt's less than desirable behavior is just his way of shouting to me (and anyone else that will listen), "i'm still here!  look at me!"

my mom was here for a week which allowed both of us to give him extra attention.  she took him on so many trips last week.  and nancy is coming tomorrow to get him for the day.  and then tuesday, pratt and i have an all day date while nancy keeps max.  then i think my mom is coming back on thursday.  and then next week, clint will be off all week.

by the time i'm truly alone with the two of them, i will have had lots of practice.  and hopefully be better at this.

i'm overly emotional, of course.  but haven't yet felt the sadness that i felt so suddenly with pratt.  i haven't wanted to run away.  or drive until i ran out of gas.  i wonder if it just hasn't happened yet.  if it's coming.  or if maybe i have so much to look forward to with pratt...that it won't happen this time.  i know he needs me.  and i can't just check out on him.

i was telling clint tonight that i remember wishing these first few weeks away with pratt.  they were so hard for me.  i was sleep deprived.  living in a new town.  a new house.  i didn't really know anyone out here.  i felt so alone.  and i remember just begging God to get pratt to an age where we could communicate.

He did that.  and so now, with max...i find myself (while still pretty tired and cranky at times) not wanting the days to pass so quickly.  because i know he will only be 7 pounds, 14 ounces for so long.  he will only keep his legs into his body and love to be swaddled like a burrito for a few weeks.  before i know it, i'll be driving to baseball games.  and school events.  and i'll be trying to kiss my boys and they'll be telling me to stop.  that i'm embarrassing them.

this all reminds me to love clint more than i already do.  because i know one day it will just be me and him.  that thought excites me.  because i do enjoy his company so much.  last night we made a pallet on the floor.  pratt was with my parents and we planned on sleeping downstairs.  max would sleep in his pack n play and we'd sleep on a pallet made of lots of blankets.  as we snuggled up on the pallet to watch snl, we both realized that we were too old for that.  and we needed our bed.

max slept like a champ.  he ate at 1030.  then slept until 230 and ate again.  at 530 he woke and clint put him on his chest.  he slept until 8 am.  and he ate again at that point.  i'm thinking that it's the swaddling.  clint really is a pro at it.  and i think that's the trick.

we shall see.  he is asleep now at 924.  i'm gonna wait on him to wake to eat again and then i'm hitting the hay.

sorry this is so long.  i had so much to write as i haven't sat down to a real computer in weeks.

happy sunday/monday!

all day.

This is what she did all day.


Seriously. Like, she might have gone potty once. But then she went right back to holding him.

And I got this after she left...




And this is what he did all day...




And I must say that this week has been totally different than I expected.

I'm not blue (yet ?) and Pratt has been an incredible big brother.




Such a great day. I feel so loved. And is there anything better than that?!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

fishing.

Pratt had a BIG day.

Dad first took him to get a haircut. Downtown. On the square. At Rooster's barber shop.

Dad said he was wonderful.




Max and I went to his first week check up. I'm pleased to announce he now weighs 7 pounds, 14 ounces!! That's like a 10 ounce gain!

He wasn't really impressed with the visit. He was fast asleep until he got prodded.




We came home to this. Dad and Pratt getting their poles ready for a fishing trip.




Then the fun began! Dad took Pratt to get "frickets". Aka "crickets".













And then they headed to the river to fish. Here's pratt's catch!




Dad is so good. Such a good dad. Pratt, Max and I are so lucky.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

happy.

today was so good.

pratt loves max. at least, today he did :)



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

and then she left...

My mom left today. I did better this time.

But lost it shortly thereafter...




And now I find myself wanting to cry, "I just want my mommy."

I'm like 2. I know. And I can't help it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

dad and max.

I love our house for many reasons.

But maybe my favorite part is our front porch.







And it's made even better with my cute husband and sweet, angel baby.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

first night.

his first little smile.




clara, we love our snuggle bear :)




our first night home was good. Max slept on and off. Pratt woke once (upon hearing max) but hopped right back in bed without any problem.

I'm a ball of nerves and keep waiting for something bad to happen. It's all so new. And I can already see how hard this is going to be when I'm here alone with these two boys.

But I know I can do it. And I know time flies. And I know I have help around me. It's just new.

And new things always scare me...but we will be okay. If nothing else, I'm just thankful to not be peeing my pants all day. I'm totally serious.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

the master.

my husband has become a pro at something...




something called "swaddling".

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

my friend whit.

i've talked about whitney several times on here.  she's one of my most precious friends.

she came up to see us before we headed home from the hospital and took some really great pictures of max.  she promised to come back and get more with pratt.  i cannot wait for those.  maybe by then, pratt will have un-learned "cheese" for photos :)

click here for her post and the photos.

if you're interested in her work, here is her facebook page.  she's pretty great.

thank you whit.  he's pretty handsome.

what a difference...

a day makes.




day one. torn from his warm home. he's thrilled. or not.





day two. post circumcision. swaddled as tightly as possible. in heaven.

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

happy birthday max!

Max Wesley Fulks

12:30 pm. 5.13.11

7 pounds, 4 ounces.

21.75 inches long.

And loved oh so much by his big brother...



























Happy birthday sweet guy. We love you so much. Praise God for a healthy delivery!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

the light at the end of the tunnel.

i can't sleep.

maybe it's because i took a nap with pratt today.

or maybe it's because i know i need to paint one last thing for the nursery.

or maybe it's because i know i need to pack a bag.  for the hospital.  because i haven't done that yet.  tonight, i was digging through my bottom bathroom cabinet drawer when i came across my leftovers from pratt's birth.  you know...epifoam.  those big ice packs that you crack in half.  nursing pads.  ditties.  tucks pads.  etc.

all the stuff to make life bearable after giving birth.  let me just say that the inventor of epifoam should have been given some type of prize.  like a nobel peace prize.  i should find out who it is and write a thank you note.  because that stuff is the bomb diggity.  i'm gonna hoard it in recovery.  and try to bring home 16 tubes.

as miserable as i feel at night, the days are remarkably good around here.  someone has told pratt to take it easy on me.  and we've been having such wonderful days together.  we sit together in our living room chair and watch tv.  eating salt and vinegar chips.  and dill pickle spears.  drinking diet dr. thunder.  or as he calls it, "dr. funder".

we color and play with playdoh.  we have all of max's drawers organized.  he has been playing with all the toys, making sure none of them need batteries.  every once in a while, he will walk up to me, and pat my tummy.  and just look up at me and smile.

i find myself reminding him that i love him constantly.  trying to get a 2 year old to understand that his world is about to be flip turned upside down.  how do you do that?  idk.  it's impossible, i think.  i just keep thinking about what spencer means to me.  and how i cannot imagine my world without her.  and so i hope and pray that one day he will understand why i flipped everything.

he asked me tonight if he and max could get bunk beds once he gets here.  this is clint's fault.  he's been talking about bunk beds since he found out max was a boy.  and it's rubbed off.

i woke last night with contractions.  around 330 am.  i had two pretty strong ones.  and then i had one that i thought was going to kill me.  it was bad.  really, really bad.  i started moaning and trying to get up out of the bed.  but i couldn't move.  i started trying to breathe through it and woke clint.  he jumped up...pretty much ready for the hospital.

i finally fell asleep after that.  only to wake an hour later with the worst charley horse ever in my right leg.  i started screaming at clint to help me.  i was screaming "charley" and i guess maybe he thought it was birthing our child in the bed.  he was totally confused.  and couldn't figure out what was going on.  i was yelling at him, asking him if i needed to straighten my leg or bend it.  i couldn't remember.  i just knew it was killing me.  and just tight as can be.  he said, "i think you're just supposed to hold it steady".  i flipped then.  and jerked away from him.

just picture it.  me.  with this gigantic stomach trying to grab my calf.  and him just laying in the dark, fumbling around thinking i was giving birth and changed the baby's name to charley.

at some point, i passed gas.  i don't know if it was from being nervous.  or just being fat.  but i started laughing at that point and realized i was so thankful for clint.  because really...who is going to find me attractive beyond this point?

only my husband.  that's who.

so that's about it.  i'm big.  and crampy.  grouchy.  and can't control my bowels.

wanna come over?!

the swing set.

cookie and pop pop surprised pratt with a swing set a few weeks ago.  but for about a week, it sat in the box.  from lowes.  in a million and twenty six pieces.

and so this past weekend while pratt was gone, clint put it all together.

needless to say, every day since sunday, we've been out to the swing set.  i'm trying to get him to understand that i'm only allowing play from 7 am to 9 am.  and from about 6 pm until around 8 pm.  it's just too hot out there.  for me and for him.  today we went around 12, and we had to use the water hose on the slide.  it's unbearable.  and i'm just too chubby.

here are a few pictures from yesterday morning.

he's so skinny.  i'm not sure he will ever weigh more than 27 pounds.

so thanks again cookie and pop pop.  we love the swing set.  tonight i asked him what his favorite part of today was.  his answer?  "my new swing set, mommy!"