dear fishers.

dear aunt clara, uncle andy and cousin anderson,

this weekend i got to use my fishing pole for the first time!!! mom read the card to me again, uncle andy. you said, "for you to catch the big one with".

well, not to disappoint, but i didn't get the big one. but i did get really excited and scream "fish" over and over and over again.

we miss you guys. thank you again for the wonderful and thoughtful present!

i love you, pratt.

beetleguice.

pratt's hair is about like mine after a boatride. a tad bit windblown.

and there's just something about these pictures that screams beetleguice...

i pee.

i will refrain from putting this entire post in capital letters...but tonight something big happened.

something really, really big!

PRATT PEED IN THE POTTY!

it started like this. his normal bedtime is 8 pm. but when i tried to put him to bed tonight, he kept crying, "daddy! daddy!" and i just caved. all i could think about was how clint had only been home for 2 hours. and so i gave in. well, he lay with clint on the couch watching idol. he eventually got bored and grabbed one of his books. his potty book from jerrod, brandi and baylor.

it talks about being a big kid and peeing in the potty. about how diapers are used for babies. and when you get big, you use the potty. he loves the book. clint read it maybe once. and at the end of it, he looked up at clint and said, "i pee. i pee".

well, clint being the best dad ever, helped him off the couch and took him in the bathroom to pee. he took his diaper and pajama pants off and sat him up on the big potty. after about 20 seconds, i told him that i'd run up and get his frog potty.



so here they are. trying on the big boy potty.

i grabbed his frog potty and we sat him on it.



and then clint said something that i loved. he said, "pratt, sometimes when i potty, i like to read magazines."

enter this...



and apparently that did it.

we waited probably two minutes. and nothing happened. he just kept sitting there. clint got up to go back to the living room and i was sitting outside the bathroom texting my parents and spencer and nana the pictures when all of a sudden, pratt jumped up, threw his hands up and exclaimed, "I PEE! I PEE!"

i looked down and sure enough...this is what i saw...



and yes. i totally took a picture of the pee. and if you're making fun of me it's because you haven't ever had your child pee in his potty.

honestly. i jumped up and ran around the house screaming and clapping and yelling. and so did pratt. he got so excited that he tried to take the pee to show his daddy!!!

now. i know that this is going to bite me in the butt. and backfire on me. clint says we shouldn't say anything because he will be 4 and still crapping his pants.

oh well. i'll risk it. i was so proud of him tonight. he was so excited about it. i was so excited about it too.

but all at the same time, it's hard to believe that my little baby is old enough to pee in a potty. time really does fly.

happy thursday!

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

it's only 1:13 in the afternoon, and already i need a drink. a strong one. not like a glass of wine. but something with some kick to it. only problem is, i can't. so...i'm writing in hopes that it will be cathartic. and i'll feel better after i get this all down on uh, paper...of sorts.

someone told me that the terrible 2's start around 1.5. well, i believe it.

today while i was feeding you lunch, you had finished your strawberries and you wanted more. i explained to you that you needed to eat one more bite of bbq and one more bite of yogurt and i'd get you more fruit. and listen kid, you totally get this. you totally understand me here. you know exactly what "do this...and you'll get..." means. TOTALLY.

so, you pick up your fork, stab the piece of meat. drench it in sauce and put it in your mouth. only you never close your mouth. as fast as you stuck that fork in, you jerked it back out and threw your head back and laughed.

any other time this would be funny. but not today. it wasn't funny. i didn't laugh. which apparently made you mad. so, you preceded to hurl your fork full of bbq and bbq sauce across the kitchen. it slammed onto the floor and made a mess everywhere. and you laughed. like big time laughed. a chuckle.

this was after you had thrown a fit when i tried to put you in your highchair for lunch. because you had other plans. which involved "cake" (strawberry cupcakes) and "eggs" (reeses peanut butter eggs). i politely explained that if you ate lunch, you could have your choice of either of those things for dessert. but NOT for lunch. they were NOT lunch items.

whatever. you weren't having it. so while i was trying to put you in your highchair you went all stiff on me and i had to use my knee to force you in. the whole time i'm chanting, "pratt. i'm bigger than you. i'm gonna win these battles. just give in child. just give in." over and over and over again. you've heard that chant at least 50 times, yet you still don't ever really just give in.

you refused to eat the meat and yogurt (JUST ONE BITE, may i remind you), so you never got the strawberries. i'm nothing if not consistent. i mean, i try to be. it's so hard. but your daddy always says that's most important. because you will grow up knowing that we tell the truth. and we do what we say we will do.

anyway, you started screaming "more berries!" over and over and over again. i picked up all the plates (after giving you 3 minutes to take a bite of yogurt) and walked over to the sink and washed them. you were still screaming. louder and louder and louder. and eventually you started pounding your tray with your fists.

i just stood at the sink and cried. big crocodile tears. because i didn't know what to do. i couldn't handle the screaming. i was so tired of the screaming. i have no idea where you get that from. we don't scream. i guess it's just another reminder that we are born thinking that everything should always go our way. and that everyone should cater to our needs whenever we scream for something to happen.

and that it's hard work to be patient. and kind. and to put ourselves second.

and you're too small to know this. so as i sit here and am reminded of that, i'm reminded of why God thought i was worthy of being your mommy. because apparently He thinks that i can teach those things to you. and He thinks that i have the patience of Job. which i don't. but maybe He's hinting at something.

anyway, i love you. and i hope you are having a wonderful nap. and i hope you wake up very refreshed. i feel much better. thanks for hanging in there with me. i'll start putting money back now for your therapy in 20 years.

but please remember, i'm doing the best i can. i promise. someday you will understand this.

i love you,
mommy.

dear sweet baby.

and this one was originally from may 20th. again...just for documentation. and in hopes that someday someone will want to read this...

dear sweet baby,

today, as i watched your big brother play with play doh, i got so excited about you.

i can't help but wonder what pratt will be like with you. what he will think and say and do. i know he will give you lots of hugs and kisses. i'm afraid at times, he will probably also hurt your feelings.

and in typical younger sibling fashion, you will try your hardest to be like him. to do things like him. to make him proud. just as my sister did with me.

i find comfort in knowing that no matter what, you will always love each other. and forever, for always...you will have someone else that will have your back. someone that will love you. and take up for you. and fight your fights on the school playground. or maybe tell the other little girls to be nice to you.

either way, i know pratt will be a great big brother. and i guess i just thought you should know.

i love you so much already,

mommy.

dear sweet baby.

i typed this on may 17th. but haven't been able to post until now. just for documentation sake...
dear sweet baby,

last night your daddy and i learned of you. of your existence.

we were super, super excited. as was your little brother. you see, when we are excited, pratt is excited too. so when daddy and i hugged and got all teary eyed, your brother smiled really big at us. because he knows that a hug is good. and happy.

today you are 4 weeks old. you're teeny tiny. i know that your neural tube is closing. i think that by the end of the first month, it will be closed. crazy to think how much you've already grown.

i just want you to know that i love you already. i've prayed for you since i found out yesterday and i will continue to pray for you daily.

you take it easy. i'll do all work. even if that means taking a handful of iron to make you good and strong.

we love you so, so much,
mommy. (and dad and pratt too).

coming in january of 2011...

yep.

a baby!!! a sweet little baby.

we are really, really excited! all three of us.

please keep us in your prayers as we begin this journey. i'll be five weeks on monday. so it's all still pretty early. but i feel like i need to tell. i'm no good at secrets. never have been.

so...here we go! yippee!!!!

two things.

One. Its 1030 and p is still awake. All because he slept for 25 minutes on the way home from hot springs. So. When I trued to put him in his bed, he cried for a solid 10 minutes. I don't do crying so I got him up. He crawled onto our bed, looked at clint and said, "dora!?" Like, can I watch dora, dad? We said no. We weren't watching it.

So he goes, "boots!?" Our answer again was no.
Then came, "map!?" No.
Finally, "backpack!?"

We both laughed so hard. And we gave in. Watching dora as I type this. Ugh. Ugh.

Two. He just pointed up with one finger and said, "more". Clint asked if he wanted it louder. He did. Smart little fella.

tuesday.

yesterday pratt and i had a full day of being outside. my nose knew it too because i didn't sleep at all last night from being so stopped up.

early, around 730 we went for a walk around the neighborhood. stopping at various places to see flowers, honeysuckle, cows, horses and dogs. when we got back, pratt had a pretty good assortment of flowers he had picked. as you can tell, he was much more interested in playing with the spider (using his honeysuckle might i add) than in appreciating the flowers.





later, we did something that always makes daddy so happy. we washed my car. and let me just say this. i haven't ever hand washed this car. it was a year old in february...and this is the first time it's ever been handwashed. unreal, i know. but who has the time? well, i do. because i'm not paying 8 dollars to wash it at exxon. come on. that's ridiculous.



oh, and monday we voted. which will make pop pop extra proud. i even let pratt touch the "judge courtney henry" button just for you, pop pop. he got a sticker on our way out. it was by far, the best part of the experience for him.



have wonderful wednesdays!

today's post it note.

from my book, calm my anxious heart...

i would rather be what God chose to make me
than the most glorious creature i could think of;
for to have been thought about,
born in God's thought, and then made by God
is the dearest, grandest and most precious thing in all thinking.

apparently from george macdonald who was credited as being one of c.s. lewis' mentors.

pretty awesome, huh?

"bc i just love him"

i have the best friends ever. friends who know that i don't know dittly squat on photoshop. so they take my pictures...and make them better. all without asking. all for free.

thank you sweet bethany. these are so great.

b&w.

my best friend whit did this for me in photoshop. cause all i know how to do is a diffuse glow. she's much better at it than me...obviously :)

so thank you coco for this beautiful picture of my sweet baby boy. we love you.

saturday morning cartoons.

i don't know. he's like 8.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

when i was little, i dreamed of having kids. i think most people did. or maybe most little girls did. i was no exception. i had strollers and babies and i spent time at night tucking them into their beds. wrapping them in blankets. taking good care of them.

i always thought it would be so fun to have a baby to care for. to go on walks with. to talk to. all of it. every single bit.

but i never dreamed that i would or could love you as much as i do.

this morning was a perfect morning. around 8 am, before it go too hot and sticky, we went outside on the front porch to water the plants. when i got the water hose out, you wanted to play in it. so i stripped you of your diaper, and let you play to your heart's content.

you would stand in the the mist and just scream with glee! it was so precious. it was cold, and shocking...but you loved it and couldn't seem to get enough.

we searched for bugs. we inspected them with our magnifying glass. talked about their characteristics (yes, i think one day soon you'll understand all this...so i might as well start now).

but what i'm most excited about though, is that you already know to let them go. we don't hurt them. we don't smoosh them. we inspect and then we "send them home to momma...because dinner is ready."

and you do it so easily. no fuss. no fight. just like it's second nature. i wonder if you can join PETA at this young of an age. hmm, something to think about.

you are growing and changing every single day. i'm so lucky to be your mom.















and two of my most favorites...

i love you pratt.

mommy.

commando.

today mom let me play outside.

with the hose.

first in my diaper.



and second...commando.



i loved it. especially the commando part.

st. pete's beach.

because clint loves me more than i deserve to be loved, he took me on a trip to the beach last week. we left on our anniversary, wednesday...and didn't return until sunday.

i was pretty worried about leaving pratt. and while not a single day went by that i didn't cry and miss him...we really had so much fun!

the first night home, as we were picking up the living room after p went to bed, clint said, "you know, we really did need that trip. i think it was good for us, don't you?" oh man. i couldn't agree more.

after we were on the airplane, headed to tampa, clint leaned over and rubbed my leg. it was then that i realized how long i had really just enjoyed being close to him. not to make you throw up, but when you are busy with a kid all day, the last thing on my mind is relaxing. it seems there is ALWAYS something to do. always some reason to be moving.

and there was no reason to do anything other than lay under my umbrella and read "eat pray love" all day long.

unfortunately, clint was in CE classes most of the day. but on saturday we got to go to downtown st. petersburg and see the dali museum. really cool if you're ever there. probably the coolest thing was a 3D hologram that dali had done of alice cooper's brain. yep. dali was a different guy. really ecentric. really, really talented.

i didn't even take a camera on our trip. and didn't even mean to. like, i intentionally didn't pack a camera. so...that means we took lots of blackberry photos. which, i must say, were not too shabby.

oh, and we stayed at st. pete's beach at the trade winds resort. they had SO many kid activities, kid pools, etc at this place. and a real live pirate. and his bird. pretty cool. pratt would have loved it.

oh! and i went in my first publix supermarket! HEAVEN.ON.EARTH. i'm jealous if you have one in your town. it makes kroger look like fred's.



the view from our balcony.



sunset on the beach. there were lots of weddings out there.



behind all those palm trees was a man singing karaoke. and we could sit on our patio and listen. wonderful.

okay. my favorite picture ever of him. he crashed a wedding to get me cake. only they didn't have cake. they had creme puffs. and they were even better than the cake. he's such a good husband! oh, and he danced with a 90 year old woman while he was stealing cake. well, he did his signature shoulder move with her. yes. but i didn't ask him to do that. that was all him. totally him.

"

red beard. the pirate. at one of the kiddie pools.

street market in downtown st. petersburg.

paciugo gelato. if you ever cross one of these places, stop and eat there. no matter what. a small gelato, and you could get up to three kinds. we had chocolate chocolate chip. amaretto chocolate chip. and tiramisu.

clint, thank you for the trip. thank you for working so hard so that i could be at the beach all day. you really do make me look like quite the slacker. but what's new.

i love you.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

i must record something this morning. it happened last night after dad had given you your bath. you were in your jammies with your hair not quite dry...and it was all curly. and soft. and you smell like nighttime lotion...with a little bit of desitin. perfect.

anyway, you picked up my cell phone, put it up to your ear and just started chatting away.

dad and i both started laughing. and after a few jumbled words, you said, "hi pop pop!"

this is my dad. poptart. poppy. now pop pop. it's easy for you to say, and you love it.

you kept on and on. talking away. so i asked if you wanted to call him. you shook your head yes. so we did.

he answered, "hello han", and away you went.

it really was the sweetest thing watching you talk to pop pop and cookie. i'd tell you to say certain things to them, and you would. you talked about painting and yoda. and bugs. and dora. and lots more...but i'm still working on some of your vocabulary. it's clear to you...but not so much to me and dad.

you are a joy to us...and of course to pop pop and cookie. nana and papa randy told us the other day (at the exact same time) that no one was perfect...but they really do think that maybe you are. i'm pretty sure they both meant it. they love you so much too.

we are so blessed to call you our little boy.

love, mom. or pop pop's daughter :)

he asked about me.

I wasn't going to blog while on vacation, but I'm currently crying my eyes out. And I feel like if I could define all this, I might start to feel better.because once I get it down, I can see things. In black and white. And I can focus on them. And keep repeating them to myself when I start to cry in front of strangers on the elevator.

Mom emails me every night. Talking about what they did. Sending me pics of pratt and all the kids he has gotten to play with.

Well, this morning I read her message from yesterday. She said many things. But one thing of interest was this, "he has asked about you a couple of times. But I keep him distracted."

Are you crying? Because you should be crying. Because I have cried...and eaten 3 poptarts. I'm not one of those lucky girls that doesn't eat when they're emotionally unstable. I'm an overeater. Like, you better nail everything around me down because I will get it. Anywyay...

I'm crying for so many reasons.

One. Because while I know he is having a great and awesome time...what if he misses me just a smidge? Is he upset about it? This causes me to worry uncontrollably. Or as my dad said to me in a letter "your heart will spin out of control as you watch you children grow and experience life". He wrote that in 1996. And its relevant in 2010. He's smart.

Two. Because maybe his asking means he really does love me. In his own, 19 month way, he has shown me that he loves me. And that he notices me. I'm not just someone in the background.

So. That feeling...that importance I feel right now...that's my mothers day gift. And my bday present. And christmas too.

Mom, thanks for loving him. Thanks for giving him ice cream sandwiches and koolade jammerss. Or whatever that sugar water is called. I love you.

three years.

i've been married to my husband for three whole years. well, at 5:57 pm. that's when we said i do, three whole years ago.

we've been a "couple" since december of 2002. man, oh man. well, except those few times i broke up with him because he wouldn't give me a definitive, "yes/no" on the whole marriage issue. true story. (nana, stop laughing ;)

i feel like this year, i could write a book on marriage. on what not to do. on what not to say. on what not to expect.

but also, on why staying through hard times is one hundered percent completely worth it. (and let me say, we haven't really had any hard, hard times. just more like hard in comparison with what we had our first two years).

this year has been the hardest year thus far. not because of him or me, really. but because of how different our lives have become.

it's this constant balance of taking care of pratt. but also taking care of my husband. and yet...still taking care of me too. and everything else around here. the house. the animals. the toilets. the laundry. the dinner. etc, etc. this goes for both of us.

there have been days when i sat in my closet and cried for God to help. screamed for Him to make me bigger. make me better. for Him to give me strength that i didn't have to make it through another day. clint doesn't go to the closet, he goes on the front porch. and he isn't loud. he's quiet. it's this calm that comes over him. not me. me...i'm crazy. and big. and what's that word i'm looking for...dra...yes...dramatic.

and during all this, we have someone watching us. watching every single move we make. and so there is little to no arguing in front of him. little to no drama in front of him.

it's not his fault. and i don't believe he should be subject to it. i never saw my parents argue or fight. i knew they did. i saw my mom get frustrated. but she never yelled. she never cried.

they allowed me and spencer to be kids. there isn't enough of that in the world, i don't think. allowing kids to be kids. to be themselves. not growing up too soon. but enjoying the lack of responsibility. never having to worry about the future of the situation. never having to worry about what will happen tomorrow. i hope pratt always knows that we're here. we are here together. and we're here to stay. no matter what.

i may be the only one who thinks this, but i think there is something incredibly attractive about an old married couple. i love clint more now, than i ever have before in my life.

has it been hard? h yes.

has it been worth it? has it been worth hanging around? getting over myself. not taking myself so seriously? h yes.

on the flip side, this year...more than ever before, clint has become my family. yes, i still have my wonderful mom, dad and sister.

but for the first time in my life, this is my home. this is my life. this is my family. and i've become more protective of it. i've become more protective of him. of someone taking advantage of his kindness.

i've seen him turn to me and ask my advice. my opinion on something. this is better than anything else he could do. better than a footrub. better than a gift certificate for a mani/pedi. better than all else. to me, it's him showing me that i'm worthy. that i have something to give too.

a few things have happened where he and i have become the closest i've ever been with anyone. i've shared things with him that i never thought i'd say outloud. things that have hurt me. things that i've only thought. i've never even journaled them. never let them see the light of day.

and i wonder now, what would i have done with these things...had i not had him? my husband. my rock. the person who holds me when i cry. the person who reminded me that it really is okay. and that with time, like everything else i've ever known, things will make sense eventually.

when we stood in that church, three years ago, i never knew how much my life could change. i was so young. yet, i wasn't at all.

clint, thank you for loving me through all of this past year. thank you for walking on the front porch when i'm too much to handle. thank you for always hugging and kissing me when you walk in from work. thank you for being the best dad in the whole entire world for pratt. thank you for thinking i'm as pretty now as i was before my body was stretched to bryant and back.

thank you for always being the same. allowing me comfort in knowing the consistency of love. for never riding the rollar coaster of emotions that i have a season pass for. it warms me to my core to know that you love me no matter what. and it makes me want to be the best wife and mom and friend in the whole entire world.

thank you for working so hard every single day and for enduring a ten hour workday every other (ha) friday to make sure we have enough food on our plates and that pratt already has a college savings plan.

you make me really look like a slacker. seriously, you do.

i love you now. and i'll love you forever.

han.

hi, i'm pratt.

and i'm a hoarder.

every single morning when mommy gets me out of my bed, i grab every stuffed animal i see (including my b and blanket) and insist they go downstairs with me for the day.

and if my mom happens to put me in my highchair sans one of the items, i flip out.

i need help, but don't really want any. mom says this is the beginning of my true "pratt" genetics. great...

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

yesterday we took a little family trip to the zoo. it was the first time in a few months that we've been as a family and with you...the new you. the mobile you. up to this point, you were just too small. or young, i should say.

we went in the birdhouse which was for sure your favorite place. i, personally, thought it smelled like hot urine, but hey...what do i know? i was a little freaked out that these birds were just sitting around waiting to peck someone's face off. seriously. that's what i kept thinking. and i didn't stop talking about it either. your dad was totally fed up with me by the time we left that place.

we watched a lion take a bath in his swimming pool. this was probably my favorite part. he looked like a gigantic yoda. well, not really. but you know, the whole big cat thing.

it's so fun to watch you soak up the animals. and the sounds. and the smells. your little mind works so fast. and i wish i knew what all was flying through there.

you are so careful. so precise. so intentional. you walked up to the fence by the pond and stood as still as you could to watch the turtles. you know not to touch anything without your stick. this is any stick really. and i noticed you quickly chose a stick as soon as we got around the pond. almost like you thought maybe we were going to go bug hunting and you needed to be prepared. you had a stick and a leaf. so, so funny. and so, so perceptive. because that's what we do here at home.

as a kid, i have so many wonderful memories of the zoo. the new orleans zoo was always one of my favorites. the audobon zoo, actually. and then there's the zoo in chicago which is amazingly free to the public. the lincoln zoo, i think. cookie said we would have to try to go there before we head to cousin katie's graduation in a few weekends. you've been once, but you were much younger. so maybe this time, you'll enjoy the animals more.

you are the light of our lives. you make us so, so happy.

here's to many more zoo trips.

oh, this was the only picture i got. it was on our way home. and you were super tired. and super comical.



i love you p,
mommy.

why i love my neighborhood.

because of these three kids and their mom and dad.

i mean look how much pratt loves coleman.

just warms my heart. we are so blessed to live here...and to have found this family.

storms.

guess who has decided he is afraid of thunderstorms?



yep. and i'm a wuss for being afraid of thunder. so i put him in our bed to watch cartoons. ddddora.

and the kid was up until 1130 pm. that's when clint was snoring and i had decided i was tired too. the storms had calmed somewhat, and so he finally went to his bed.

it's 909 am, and he's still sleeping.

oh, and here's an adorable picture from last night too. pratt and his sweet, sweet spice.