24 weeks

24 week appointment.

so we had our 24 week appointment today. everything looks great. the baby measured right at 24 weeks. according to the doctor, i'm carrying him low. his head is very low...and so we couldn't get a good look at his face today. she tried...believe me. i thought she might be hurting him. she was jamming that little wand over my belly hard.

it's amazing what they can see with an ultrasound. she just keeps pointing things out...and only about a third of it makes sense. i always feel like i need andy there.

she pointed out the spine...cervical, thoracic and lumbar sections. it's just all unreal! she showed us the cord, the brain, the heart, the hands and feet, arms and legs. i could go on and on.

it's for sure a boy! yeah! we hadn't told them that we already knew...so when she told us, we both kind of let out these really wimpy "yeah's!". when we left clint said she probably thought that we were the worst parents ever.

the doctor asked us to think about circumcision. he said if we wanted to do any jewerly...we needed to think about that too. :)

clint and i have talked alot about banking the cord. using it for stem cells later. i watched something on the today show a while back that said you might as well just put the money in a savings account for the child. we wanted the doctor's opinion. he pretty much said the same thing. it's just a hard decision. i would hate to not do it...and then something happen. but we're just unsure of what they are really able to do with the stem cells. after working with multiple myeloma for 2years, i know the power of them. i know that they can and do work wonders...i'm just not sure what we're going to do.

enjoy the pictures. i feel bad for putting them up. you know...he's naked and everything. and i hate to be naked...so i'm assuming he probably does too...but i'm putting them up. sorry little boy...you can get mad at me later. oh, and he weighs 1 pound and 8 ounces.

because i had forgotten.

how very much i love this song. until today. when i was killing time on my itunes. and came across it.

it's one of my favorites. the first line always gets me. because i have lines across my face. and in a way, i wouldn't change it. they are very much me. very much from my dad. and i'm sure that i'll pass them on to this child. he'll be blessed with a large forehead...but even better...hopefully, lots of expression. lots of laughter. and more importantly...tears.

because it takes tears to understand happiness. it takes pain to understand joy.

here are the lyrics.

all of these lines across my face
tell you the story of who i am
so many stories of where i've been
and how i got to where i am

but these stories don't mean anything
if you've got no-one to tell them to
it's true...i was made for you

i climbed across the mountain tops
swam all across the ocean blue
i crossed all the lines and i broke all the rules
but baby i broke them all for you

because even when i was flat broke
you made me feel like a million bucks
you do....i was made for you

you see the smile that's on my mouth
it's hiding the words that don't come out
and all of my friends who think that i'm blessed
they don't know my head is a mess

no, they don't know who i really am
and they don't know what i've been through
like you do...and i was made for you

uncomfortable.

i just remembered that time at the market...snuck up behind me, and jumped on my shopping cart and rode down aisle five....

john mayer. comfortable. a wonderful song. one of my very favorites. written about a girl gone from his life...but why she left, he can't remember. but he knows that she could remind him of why if he'd ask.

a girl he was was comfortable with...their love was so broken in. one who wore grey sweat pants. and no makeup. and knew all the words to coltrane...or could distinguish him from jack johnson, depending on the version you hear (cd vs. acoustic)

i'm just the opposite of this song. i'm extremely uncomfortable. not with my husband. or my family. or my friends. or even life, in general.

it's being uncomfortable when having to move. yes, moving anywhere really. getting up from a sunken in chair. getting out of the recliner is nearly impossible these days. it's like i lean forward, but that does nothing. i literally have to heave myself forward and just hope that it's enough to get me up.

sitting in the car and trying to reach in the backseat for something is just impossible. carrying anything up the stairs and expecting to not be out of breath...forget about it. putting my hands on my hips and actually being able to rest them there...nope. it's like i have to stretch my hands so wide to get them around that waist. or what used to be my waist. and then my hands hurt.

which brings up a strange occurence. my hands hurt in the morning. when i wake. it's like i've been sleeping with them in fists or something. they ache. what's this about?

and i've become a grunter. like my dad. you know, where you lay in bed at night and just grunt. "oh lord....i think i'm dying". that kind of stuff. every time i have to sit up in bed....there's that sound. that grunt. rolling over...grunt. putting a pillow between my legs to keep my back from hurting...two grunts. one for rolling over and another for lifting my legs. oh...and probably one for having to grab a pillow. i'm pathetic.

for christmas, clint bought me a cute pair of shoes. they're flats. i pointed them out one day in dillards, and not only did he pay attention...just after one small comment...but he went and got them. i tried to wear them to church last week...impossible. my feet were so uncomfortable and squished.

and i haven't tried it again. because i don't want to. i'll just stick with flip flops. so that i never know that my feet are all swole up.

i've always complained that my weight gain has always been in my thighs and butt. and how i wished it could be in my waist...because i'd much rather do sit ups than leg lifts. but now...i'm retracting that statement. i'm happy with weight gain in my butt. i'll take it anyday. :)

again...i'm thrilled with all this. i mean, the baby. not really the uncomfortability. mrs. kirtley would tell me that is not a word...i know, i know. but you know what i mean.

notecards and lanyards

monday clint had the day off. so he had several projects around the house that he wanted to get done. he put up molding in our bedroom. he changed out his closet from in the baby's room to our room. several other things too. all the while, i carried around my rainbow and vacuumed everything i came into contact with.

his new nickname for me: rainbow bright.

i helped him hold the molding and nail it up. and then it was up to me to paint over the nail heads. no worries. there was lots of ventilation...and the fumes were pretty nonexistant.

that night, i realized that i had been so active, that i hardly felt the baby move at all that day. i began to go over everything i had done. i had lifted several things, smelled paint fumes, probably not have my seven servings of fruits and vegetables...had too much chocolate...which means too much caffeine. and on and on and on. (my mother made a dessert from a new cookbook called "the comfort table". it's a chocolate sheet cake and when it's warm...just out of the oven, you pour an entire jar of peanut butter over it..then top that with chocolate frosting. it's all homemade...no box cakes allowed...and it is without a doubt the best dessert ever. i bet i had half the pan)

clint fell asleep pretty early. exhausted from all his work around the house. it was around 10...and i couldn't fall asleep. i just kept laying there thinking that i had done something. and that i couldn't feel him move. and that had to be a bad sign.

my mom got us a fetal heart monitor several months ago. so i snuck out of bed...careful not to wake clint up. he has an idea of my psychotic ways...he doesn't need any extra information on my part. so i sneak downstairs...and lay flat on the couch. and i begin to listen for my baby's heartbeat. sure enough. it was there. loud and clear. i averaged it to somewhere around 145 or 150. perfect. just where it should be. but i still wanted him to kick me. just to be sure.

i've already become neurotic. and he's not even here yet. i don't want to be one of those parents who stands over the baby at night holding a mirror in front of his nose to make sure he's breathing. i can't be that way. that takes wayyy to much energy. and i don't have that energy.

i worked with a little boy once who kept blowing on people. he'd just walk up and blow in your face. we went through everything. tried to figure out what he was getting from it. because all behavior...even the worst...is some form of communication. to this day...i'm not sure what he was trying to obtain from that. anyway...one intervention that worked with him was a type of reward system. we attached a notecard to his belt loop. with a lanyard (a deb style lanyard...you know, napoleon dynamite..."i'm trying to raise money for college"...."your mom goes to college"...)

anyway, we attached this notecard to his belt loop. everytime he did something good or something "correct", he was given a small sticker for his notecard. then his teacher would count up the number of stickers and he'd get a reward.

i actually thought about attaching a notecard to my pants. and every time the baby moved, i'd put a sticker on the notecard. and then...i dunno...maybe i could have a bite of cake or something as a reward. :)

i thought about it. went as far as getting out the notecard...but that's where i stopped myself. i don't really know why. it's obvious that i'm crazy.

memorial day

we had a wonderful weekend with my parents in hot springs. clint and i got to get out on the boat for the first time this year. i didn't get any pictures...and that's probably best, as i'm not the hottest girl on the lake in my liz lange bathing suit. :)

in an attempt to be skin cancer free...i'm very white. which means that i burned in the thirty minutes we were out on saturday. so i stayed out of the sun today. clint tried to wakeboard...but the pull rope was missing. maybe next time....

the highlight of the weekend was getting a rainbow vacuum cleaner! i just cannot express how excited i was/am about this thing. my mother got one several years ago. they were way too expensive...for a new one...so we bought a refurbished one in hot springs. for a used vacuum...it was still pretty expensive. but it came with a two year warranty...and probably a lifetime of happiness for me.

i love having a clean house. with a dog and cat...we have so much hair around here, it's just gross. luckily, we only have 2 rugs. but with a baby on the way...we both want to make sure we do all we can to have fresh air around here.

if you've never used one of these before...i can't describe how fabulous they are. they trap all the dirt and dust in the water. it's bagless. as soon as we pulled into the driveway today, i got out and instead of carrying my bags in...i brought in the rainbow. and started cleaning.

our living room rug alone was filthy. disgusting. i should have taken a picture of it. then we cleaned this chair that yoda sits on all the time. the vacuum can be used as an air purifier. so we put fresh water in the basin with a little deodorizer...and let it run for about 15 minutes.

i promise that when we looked at the water, it had hair and little white specks in it.

gross me out. that was in our air. what we're breathing.

i can't wait until tomorrow. i'm going to use it on our mattress. the lady at the store said the water would literally turn white with all the dust mites and dead skin cells. yuck. yuck. yuck.

i'll keep you posted. i'm sure you're interested! :)

hope you enjoyed the holiday.

quote

i came across a quote that i really liked.

"for children, today is all about tomorrow. by nature, they look to the future, since so very little of life lies behind them. everything worthwhile is 'in front'." dr. wess stafford, author of too small to ignore.

nesting...maybe?

i couldn't hold out any longer. i went by baby depot yesterday and with the help of doris...found a perfect bed and what they call a "combo". the combo is basically a 4 drawer chest...with a top that can be used as a changer.

i just worried so much about the pieces looking right together, about something being wrong, about paying for shipping/oversize charges, etc with ordering stuff online.

i really didn't expect to find anything at baby depot. but i did. and i love it. i wanted clint to say he liked it too...so we went back last night after american idol was over. (go david cook!)

clint was so excited. he walked around to the beds and shook them all. just to make sure they were sturdy. he is just a little :) concerned about the safety of everything for this baby. when we got home, we set up the room. he put the bed together and put everything in the room.

i couldn't help but get all the stuffed animals that this baby already has and put them in the bed. even though there is no mattress and no sheet...still i had to put the animals out. this goes back to when i was a kid. i really still believe that animals come alive at night...and if that's the case, i want to make sure they aren't stuffed in a tupperware bin. when i was little, i would lay all my stuffed animals out and lay pillows under their heads and cover them with blankets.

this morning before we left, we took another look in the room. it's pretty perfect. we still have to figure out some other furniture pieces...put up pictures...and other stuff. but it's really nice having the bed there.

this gets more real every single day.

22 weeks...two days to 23

i've completely stopped getting on the scales. it's useless.

and better for everyone around here (including the animals) that i just don't know.

but the weight isn't the worst. the worst is the frequent urination at night. i bet i get up three times a night.

but every morning i look at myself in the mirror and i am completely amazed that i...of all people...can do this. that maybe, just maybe...once in my life...i will actually complete something.

i mean...there was that one year of medical school. and then presently me attempting to get my doctorate. i guess i do have my masters. and there was high school :)

could this really happen?

a disclaimer...and a story. a happy story.

disclaimer: i feel like i should first say that my life is not always sunshine and skittles. i have bad days. plenty of them. i guess i feel like i need to say that because most of what i post on here is all good and happy.

we have struggles. plenty of them. those that keep me up at night worrying about stuff. those things that i think about over and over again. but since this is kind of a share place for this pregnancy. sort of an online baby book...only the happy stuff makes it's way here.

now to the happy story...

church this morning. we have found the best group of friends that we have really grown to love at our church. there are 10 of them. 5 couples. and we have small group together on sunday nights. every other sunday night. and we sit together at church on sunday mornings. so. this morning, we're sitting there with some of them. the books get passed out to document who is there.

you know...the standard stuff. service attended. name. member/guest. address. any kids. interested in becoming a member. yada yada.

so clint gets the book and fills it out. i peek over to see what he's written. no reason. just because. and for the first time on the line that says kids, clint has written the baby's name, and out beside the name written 22 weeks.

i know that none of you can possibly understand what that meant...but it was huge to me. and i thought it should be properly documented.

i guess both here and in the church attendance log.

baby's bed

i know that this isn't as big of a deal as i'm making it. but...i finally decided on a bed and dresser that i like. i hate being all matchy-matchy...but i love dark wood. and i just couldn't stray from it.

i have asked clint for his input and i've realized that when he says he doesn't care...he really doesn't care.

this is the armoire. i love the height on it. and then below is the bed. i know that so many of you said no on the changing table...but i've been keeping a 16 month old. and i've been using the heck out of his changing table. the diapers, wipes and creams are all on the second shelf in baskets. and i like that. otherwise, i'm not sure how i'd do that....?!

any suggestions?

the baby's bedding

so i went ahead and bought the bedding. i did it because i didn't know how long it would take to arrive. i was all excited about doing the bedding with my mother's help. she bought me a sewing machine a while back and i wanted to make everything for the bed.

clint thought this was hilarious. he has good reason to laugh. several years ago, i learned how to knit. and i began buying yarn all the time. expensive, cheap...and everything in between. i was (and still am probably) infamous for promising scarves...and never really delivering. story of my life, i suppose.

anyway...i guess clint thinks that i'll do the bedding about like i did the scarves. half done. i have so many scarves that are about the length of my arm. i'd get bored with the pattern or the yarn. and find something more interesting. i'd bind it off, and that would be the end of it.

long drive to a small house: i ordered the bedding instead of attempting to make it myself. i know that it would have been too difficult a first project for me...but my mother would be able to do it. but i guess i'll start with something small. like maybe a pillowcase or something. :)

anyway..here is the bedding. it's simple. and elegant. not too fancy. and it doesn't scream boy. so i could use it again. which would be great.

a really, really good day.

lately i've wondered why anyone would bring a child into this world. not a day goes by that i don't see something on the news...that i think...why would i do this?

call me debbie downer. but it's true. i am so incredibly affected by every crisis. during hurricane katrina i had to unplug my television. i really did. it was right after i was driving back from conway..and i passed a car with louisiana plates. there were like 5 people in this small car and a dog. and i lost it. i had to pull over on the side of the road.

i'm passing that on. and i feel kind of bad about it.

today i found a kitten. about six weeks old. orange. with lines on her like a little tiger. or lion. whichever. she came right to me when i called her. she was right by a busy road. and i knew that if i didn't get her, she'd be hit by a car. and i just can't drive away. even if i try to force myself to believe that someone else will come upon her and take her. i don't believe that. i think that i was supposed to drive by at that point in time. haven't you seen serendipity? how can you not l-o-v-e john cusack?

anyway, i got her. and fixed up a crate for her. and she stayed in it. i got home around five. she was crying. and i fed her. i called my vet in little rock. green mountain animal clinic. they are the best. really. the nicest people ever. so i called. and they said they couldn't take her, but that there was a man in north little rock that could.

so i called him. he was so kind. and he took her. i drove her over there. i called my dad...who is exactly like me when it comes to animals. i asked him how much i should give him as a donation. dad said "at least fifty dollars". this is so typical. i actually babysat today...and i just gave him the money i had made today. i would have given him my entire checking account if clint wouldn't have gotten mad at me.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that there is still good left in this world. people who just take in kittens so that they aren't put to sleep. i wanted to hug this man's neck. i really did.

i needed that. i needed to see that. i needed to see that there are still people who do good things just because. not for money. not for fame. not to get something in exchange.

i told him that i didn't know if he believed in heaven...but that i did. and that in my book...he was headed there.

what a great day.

21 weeks today

i'm looking more and more pregnant. i actually feel like i look pregnant. instead of just really bloated around the middle.

clint's new name for me..."chunky monkey". he said something about "my little chunky monkey". so the whole "little" made up for the "chunky".

what can i say? i'm easy. :)

cake. year old cake.

clint and i had our cake last night. the one that has been in my mother's freezer for a year now. and i was concerned. it didn't smell so great. sort of freezer burn-ish.

so after dinner, clint cut a huge piece...and just dug right in. he didn't spit it out...so i decided i could take a small bite. i mean, how bad could it be?

call me a fat kid...but it's actually pretty good. the inside at least. the roses on top are sort of littered with small leaves...and a few ants here and there. i mean, the reception was outside...and the cake was exposed to the elements for quite some time.

however...the inside is fabulous. it really is. i haven't thrown it away yet. because to be completely honest, i actually ate some today. yes, i did. there is nothing i love more than wedding cake. good, white, wedding cake. yum-o.

but i feel that i'm going to have to pull a miranda...and probably dump coffee grounds on it or something because otherwise, you'd probably find me digging through the trash for "just one more bite".

it's good to be able to blame this on the pregnancy. although...i'm pretty sure it's got nothing to do with that. :)

before.

after. after our piece. and after my few bites today.

eureka springs

october 21st, 2006. a saturday. our first year of being season ticket holders. we went to the ole miss game (an early game) and then clint thought it might be fun to take a scenic tour up to eureka springs. i had no idea. well, i kind of thought maybe something was up. not on the drive though. we pulled into the town...the old historic part. and clint said, "do you know where the grand central hotel is". i said that i wasn't sure and asked why. he said, "well, we're staying there tonight...and i don't know where it is". and he smiled.

we got our bags out of the car. checked in to this very quaint hotel. the lady at the front desk was so nice. and i remember that she knew my name. she said that our massages were all scheduled at the crescent the next day. and that our dinner reservations were for 7 that night. we walked up to our room. i was so excited. i just knew that he was going to ask me.

he had to run down to his truck to get a jacket for me. because we were going to walk around town before dinner. that was my opportunity. i snooped through his bag. looking everywhere for a ring. and i found nothing. i remember wondering why he had brought me all the way here for dinner and a massage...but no ring!? no questions? i mean, come on. i knew it would be perfect.

i put on my best "i'm not mad that we drove four hours for this trip and you still aren't going to ask me to marry you" face and walked around the town. we walked by a jewelry store...and my hopes were uplifted again thinking that maybe he would take me in there...patrick dempsey style...and i'd pick out my ring. but...no. we walked right passed the store.

he did ask. after dinner. before chocolate covered strawberries. he asked while his hand was shaking just a little. it was a perfect proposal. and i'll always remember it. always. i can see his face. his hands. the ring. and i remember making him tell me what he had said to my dad. and laughing with him at what my dad said to him. i remember all of it.

so we went back there for our anniversary this past weekend. it was great. we had a quaint little dinner at a restaurant. outside on the deck. we talked about our first year together as a married couple. we decided that the one thing that the highlight from our first year was our trip with grandma and grandpa to austria and germany.

it's hard to think back on this past year without realizing how much everything has changed. how in only four short months, we'll have a new person in our lives. our lives with have completely changed.

but more than anything, i never want to stop putting each other first. clint came first. i remember my dad telling me several years ago that he loved my mother for very different reasons presently than when he married her. at the time, i didn't understand that. but now, i feel like i have a better understanding of what he meant.

i think that if i asked my parents, they would say that they love each other more than they love spencer and me. this weekend reminded me of why that is. and why that's so important.

i never want to forget how this weekend felt. the local parade. music all day saturday in the park. dinner at the small corner cafe. having a sprite while playing speed and connect four at the basin park hotel top floor bar. and leaving early worrying that all the cigar smoke would compromise the baby's lungs. :)

one year.

this weekend clint and i are going on an anniverary trip. we'll have been married one year on may fifth. it really seems like just yesterday. and not to be all girly (i don't want angie to throw up:)...but it really was one of the best days of my life.

so many memories...

the rehearsal dinner. all the work mr. tim and ms. debbie did for us to have a fabulous time. the yard, bar and decor was all awesome. i'll never forget the music that mr. tim had playing for everyone. it was country music. the best music there is. the food that uncle jeff had spent all day making. the desserts. he made my grandmother's chocolate meringue pie. with the dew drops on top. just like i remember eating as a kid. wish she could have been there. sitting outside with the most important people in my life. visiting. the weather was beautiful.

my wonderful lingerie party :). you girls did a great job. even if i was embarrased for a solid 2 hours. melanie, katie, peeps, emily, lins, whit, mere, and kim. thank you for putting the party together. thank you for being there.

the luncheon saturday morning. shrimp and grits. that's what i remember most. and asking vernon to do a rain dance.

getting ready with my bridesmaids. jessica...pregnant...in all her glory....so happy to be doing my hair. taking pictures. whitney telling me not to look at her because she'd start crying.

walking out to take pictures before the wedding with clint. i remember him having his back turned to me. and me calling his name. when he turned around, his face is one i won't ever forget.
emily leading us in a prayer before the wedding. peeking through the doors when ms. camille was singing...hoping that there were more than 10 people in the church :)

my dad squeezing my hand as we waited to walk down the aisle. i remember thinking that i wouldn't be able to make it if he started to cry.

the reception. the work that all my mothers best friends had done to bill and denise's backyard. and tennis court. the two cakes. all the family there. i remember being shocked that so many people were there. it meant so much to me. i know that everyone really secretly hates weddings. my mother running back and forth...making sure that everything was perfect. basically, being herself.

the band. clint singing "brown eyed girl" with big john miller. spencer coming up and hugging me so tightly before we left for the night.

all of it. i remember all of it. what a wonderful day. and we've been so blessed to have a wonderful (and easy) first year. it's all because of clint. i'm difficult 98% of the time. he's difficult 1% of the time...if that. i'm not making this up.

i'm a very lucky girl. we'll eat our cake this weekend...just for some extra "luck". although...i know that it has little to do with luck...and everything to do with faith. and with someone much bigger than the two of us.