mr. moose and crumble the monkey.

so i'm neurotic about stuffed animals. i totally believe they come alive at night and move around. for this reason, i DO NOT put all of them in any type of basket or bin. if they are to be put in a basket, i make sure all of them can breathe. you know, like they are all sitting up so that their heads are up and able to move around. yes, i really do.

in my room at my parents house, i had french doors against one wall. they opened to a back porch. at night, i would get all the animals and lay them down on the ground, up against the french doors. but only after i put down a pallet, and of course, pillows. and covered them all with blankets. and if i thought that cold air might seep under the doors, i would roll up more blankets to block this from happening.

i've told pratt the importance of this. i'm pretty sure he understands. he's getting so good with his hands. so i thought it'd be fun to see if he would hold onto his stuffed animals and "love on them". he totally dug it.

here are pictures of him with mr. moose and crumble. mr. moose was a gift from jill cooper. he was a christmas present. and crumble is a monkey from fao schwartz in new york. i bought him for pratt when i was there...when i was 17 weeks pregnant.

i love that he seems to be hugging them. and in this first picture...he's totally found his thumb. pratt that is, not mr. moose.

b.spears.

just call me britney spears. that's right. and while you're at it...you might want to call dhs.

i nearly cut the entire top of pratt's pointer finger off last friday.

let's review. he got his shots on thursday. poor guy. and friday morning, while cookie was feeding him...i thought it'd be a good time to clip his nails. he was really starting to look like he might be snorting something with that pinky nail of his. i'm just saying...

so cookie is giving him a bottle, and i began clipping. thumb nail...no problem.

let me say here that clint had clipped them about a week prior. he cut one down in the quick which made both pratt and myself...well, we both cried. after being critical about how clint was "supposed to be pretty good with his hands and all"...since he was a dentist for crying out loud...i told him he was never allowed to clip pratt's nails again.

karma. it will get you. every.single.time.

so i am on the pointer nail. i look down, see nail..and clip. and immediately, his little mouth opens. no noise, just an open mouth and HUGE, wide eyes. and then he screams. i look down and think, "what.ev. he's being dramatic. i totally had nail."

and then i see where, nope...i had NO nail. instead i had ALL SKIN! yes, people. allllllllll skin. his little thin, soft, baby skin.

i bet it bled for 10 solid minutes.

i almost threw up. the girl who spent a year in medical school. cutting on a cadaver for a semester. carrying his limbs over to the sink to clean them out. checking prostates. finding buttholes...or not finding buttholes...(there is a story behind this...quite possibly the funniest story of my life)....almost threw up at the site of blood.

it's because it was my baby's blood. and there was sooooo much of it.

it finally stopped. with the help of cookie who basically took over. because i was about as useless as a screen door on a submarinie.

after the initial shock wore off, pratt was good. fine. like nothing happened. cookie took these pictures after the injury.

we were worried he'd put his hand in his mouth. and then of course, i had it in my head that he would put the hand in his mouth, pull the bandaid off, and choke on it. and so i put a sock over it. i thought it was genius. clint made fun of it. :) typical...

oh, the pink on the sock is not blood. it's tylenol. his shots were the day before and i was worried with the cut and all...that it might help a little.

and here is a picture that nancy got while she was with him this past weekend. i absolutely LOVE it! he is a child of many, many facial expressions. and this is just one of my faves. hilarious! thank you nana! and thanks for clipping his remaining fingernails. from now on, that's something i'll leave up to you. :)

some advice from all you moms...please?

so pratt has this horrible congestion. rattling. it's bad. it hasn't affected his eating or anything...and he's actually still as happy as a clam.

we've elevated his bed. we have a humidifier/vaporizer (whatever) running. and i'm using saline drops...and sometimes trying that horrible nose cleaner. but i know that can irritate his teeny nostrils even worse. and i don't seem to really get anything out when i do that.

is there anything else we can do? i hate it. it started this weekend. well, it reared it's ugly head this weekend. clint was sick all last week. and now has a horrible cough. i'm assuming he got it from clint.

he slept really well last night. from like 730 to 7. but as soon as i got him up, i could hear it. everything i've read just says to elevate the bed, get a humidifier, and give it time.

any miracle solutions out there? i'd appreciate anything! thanks you guys!

sweet little harper.

i am at a loss for words.

every single morning, i check kelly's korner. and today...today, well, yesterday she opened her eyes!!!!

i cannot imagine what her parents must be feeling! how totally and completely wonderful!

there were 565 comments a minute ago when i checked. i continue to be amazed by the graciousness of people. the love of those who don't even know this sweet family. i love love love to see this happen. we need these stories in the news.

today is going to be a wonderful day. i can feel it in my bones. love to you all.

our weekend trip.

what a wonderful, wonderful weekend we had.

clint had continuing education courses for invisalign in dallas this weekend. he actually left on wednesday headed down with a good buddy of his. and two of his female coworkers. i drove down on friday to meet clint for the weekend.

we had a wonderful time! i thought clint would have to attend classes on saturday, but he was able to spend the entire day with me! whoohoo! i usually love spending the day shopping alone...but since pratt's arrival, clint and i get very little time alone. as in, just the two of us. so it was so great to be able to be with him. as hard as it was to leave my little monkey, i know it was good for us.

friday night we ate at a restaurant called "fuse". it was great. some of the best sushi i've ever had. well, besides that we had several years ago in florida.

saturday we shopped and had breakfast at central market! yummy. yummy. my mom has always raved about central market...but i've never been. let me tell you. if i lived in dallas, ALL and i mean ALL my time would be spent here. think everything from cheese to flowers. to nuts to organic everything.

saturday night we got to meet sweet little brylee for the first time. somehow, we didn't take a single photo! and i even had my camera. who knows. i think we were all so busy catching up! she is a doll! she has this head full of blonde hair and big blue eyes. and quite possibly, the best mouth ever. i am envious of her closet. girls have the best clothes. hands down. we ate with tanna, brandon and brylee that night.

i forgot how much brandon and clint are alike. they lived together for 2...3 years (?) in dental school. and they are sooo much alike. and we had the strangest waiter ever. instead of passing out the straws, he just sort of threw them in the air. kind of a free for all. i don't know...he was a bit eccentric.

it's always so nice to talk to new mommies. tanna was no exception. it was nice getting talk about girl stuff with her.

we really did have a wonderful time with the horton family. i hope we get to see them again soon. i know brylee is growing like a weed...and the next time we see her...she'll be semi-grown.

and a special thanks to nana who kept pratt. he had a wonderful time! he asked about you last night as i was putting him to bed. he said he's ready for you to come back again! ;) oh, and he also said thanks for clipping his nails. according to him, he's not ready to lose another fingertip! :)

tagged.

i was tagged by my friend tanna on a fun picture game.

here is what you do:

1. go to your 4th folder where you store your photos.
2. select the 4th photo. (no exceptions)
3. post the picture with an explanation and link it back to your tagger.
4. tag 4 people to do the same.



this is a picture of my clint, titled, "clint_smile". it was taken in austria. last year. december. my parents had given us money to take to austria for our christmas present. and we spent some of it on an awesome sony camera.

i was playing around taking pictures when we arrived. didn't think i'd get anything i really liked. and then once i took it, and checked it out, i loved it.

i'm pretty sure this was taken the first full day in innsbruck. at our hotel.

i love his face here. it's such a sweet look. and you can even see one of his dimples. even though it's covered by facial hair...i know it's there.

i tag emily frost. laura shachmut. emily merryman. allyson petty.

four month appointment.

obviously these pictures were taken before the dreaded shots.

but it's all over with now. i love the doctor. love him.

hate the shots. hate them hate them hate them. and yes, i realize that hate is a strong word. but i mean it. they are terrible.

his face turned a bright shade of red. think deep red. blood red. it was horrible.

but according to dr. stanford, he's growing like a weed.

he is 27 inches long. 95th percentile. his exact words to me, "your husband must be tall...?"

he weighs 14 pounds, 15 ounces. 45th percentile. he's a skinny little thing. he DOES get that from his dad.

pratt loved dr. stanford's stethoscope. he was pretty intrigued by it. and he didn't fuss at all when he listened to his breathing and his bowel sounds. looked in his mouth, nose and ears. he just layed there and smiled. dr. stanford actually said, "is he always this happy?"

oh, that makes me so happy. i was glad to report that he is actually usually that happy. and again...from his daddy. i live on an emotional rollercoaster. as the sign that hung on my bedroom door once said, "if it weren't for my mood swings, i'd get no exercise at all."

pratt is fast asleep now. i've been in there three times already to check on him. i hate seeing those bandaids on his legs. i'm ready for him to wake up.

hopefully the campho-phenique worked and he won't be sore. oh...and he said we could start baby foods now! i don't want to just yet. because that means he's getting older. and i refuse to let this child get any older. at least, not right now. we'll wait until he's 5 months to do that. or maybe 6. or maybe never....

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

tomorrow we will go to the doctor for your four month appointment.

i cannot believe you have been with us for four months already.

i was putting you to bed tonight, and as i stood there swaying you back and forth, i couldn’t help but notice how big you are. your torso fits around my waist. your legs wrap easily around my right side. and your little head fits perfectly in the crook of my left arm.

you smell like a baby, but you laugh like an adult. you watch me and your dad to see when we will look at you. and when we do, you smile from ear to ear. so much so that your little eyes close up sometimes.

we never knew the happiness that would come with having a baby. had we known, we would have gotten married long ago. this is saying soooo much. one day i’ll tell you the story of how it took your dad years to ask me to marry him. i’ll tell you about how i threatened to break up with him many a time. this doesn’t work. so never try it. it just makes everything worse. as my dad told me so many times, “han, you don’t want someone to marry you because you threatened to break up with them. because times will get hard…and in those hard times, you will need to know that he wanted to be with you. and that he’s not with you because you forced it.” my dad is such a smart and wise man.

today you held your rattle all by yourself. and you deliberately took it in your left hand, looked at it, and then put it in your mouth.

you have become quite the little sleeper. and when you wake from a nap, you will sort of “play” in your crib all alone. this, for some reason, causes me to rush in there and get you up as quickly as i can.

you still love to sleep with both arms up above your head. you love your jumper. you LOVE dr. seuss. something about the rhymes, i guess. i think it would be great for you to grow up to be a writer.

you love to be naked. i’m not sure what this means. but i’m cool with it.

you have taught me patience. something i never thought i’d have. well, i don’t “have” all of it…but i’m working on it. you have reminded me of blessings.

the other day on npr they were talking about the number of atheists in america. and they said that according to research, having a child will often be the reason someone goes from being an atheist to being a believer. i get it. that makes total sense to me. to me, you could not have “just happened”. your little fingers. and toes. they didn’t just happen. they were formed. by Someone much, much bigger than me or you.

so many times in my life, people have told me to hold onto the moment. because it’s fleeting. because time flies. i’ve never listened. but i’m listening now. i understand now.

our house isn’t always clean. some nights your dad and i eat cereal for dinner. and i have been known to wear pajama pants two or three times before washing them. but i can honestly say this is because spending time with you is what we prefer to do. hopefully soon i’ll have this all figured out. and i’ll manage my time better. i don’t really want you to ever be the smelly kid in class. so i promise i’ll always try to wash your clothes :)

we love you. we always will. no matter what.

how to look like a twilight vampire.

so, i'm trying to make a sleep log for pratt's sleep. the book recommends this. bar graphs. and i was a little confused. so i was searching the internet...hoping that maybe there were some examples online.

so in the yahoo search box i typed, "sleep log, what do they look like"

and the third hit was titled,

how to look like a twilight vampire

i am NOT making this up. see for yourself...

of course i had to click on it. because, yes...maybe i want to look like one. i mean, maybe edward would find me if i looked like one. just kidding...but seriously, if you've read the book...you'll enjoy this website. hilarious...

http://www.wikihow.com/Look-Like-a-Twilight-Vampire

some of the highlights, in bold: (and i'm not making this up)

apply a lavendar eyeshadow on your eyelids and also under your eyes for under-eye bruise.

what? "under eye bruise"? what is that? i don't remember anyone having under eye bruises. i mean, they were pale, yes...but bruised? what...?

put on gold contacts if you are a vegetarian vampire.

okay, what.ev. edwards eyes flashed gold. and last time i checked he wasn't enjoying the leaves in the forest.

remember the prom was the first time bella saw edward in black.

how does this help one look like a twilight vampire?

wear hidden ice packs so you feel cold, but again for an everyday look, just don't sit next to radiators all the time.

this is my ALL TIME FAVORITE ever.ever.ever. are you kidding me? do people really walk around wearing ice packs to look like the cullens? seriously? and "radiators". what...?

someone actually made this site up. and more importantly, there are people out there wearing ice packs to be vampire-ish. oh, one more thing. it tells you not to laugh at anything unless it's really funny. and in that case, just smile. but don't try edwards crooked smile, "it's very hard". yes, that's what it said. "it's very hard".

and very impossible since there is only one edward. duh.

some attention...please?!

so pratt and i have gotten into a little routine. we do the same things pretty much every weekday. it's only taken me a little over four months :)

anyway, around 11 we head downstairs to watch desperate housewives on lifetime. i know, i know...horrible. but i rarely watch tv anymore. and i'm a tv lover.

typically, what we do is this. i put pratt in his jumper. i sit down next to him with my lunch. i eat, talk to him while he jumps...and occasionally, watch tv. i'm listening the entire time...but my attention is usually on him.

if i'm looking at him, he's bouncing away. but if i look away, he stops. i've noticed this the past few weeks, but it's gotten to be pretty obvious. if i'm not looking at him, giving him attention, he won't jump. instead, he sets his little chin down on the bouncy horse. and just waits. he could pretty much wait all day on me to turn back to him. and as soon as i do, he begins bouncing away.

i caught it on camera. i'm sorry for the loud background noise. but i had to have the tv on...otherwise, it wouldn't work.

and here are is a still that i captured of him with his chin down.

this makes me feel all sorts of emotions. i love him so much. and i am amazed at how much he loves his daddy and me. he loves when we look at him. he loves having you smile at him. he is so, so much fun right now!

the inauguration.

dear pratt,

today barack obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the united states. here is a piece of trivia for you. there have actually only been 43 presidents. grover cleveland was both the 22nd and the 24th president. thank you dr. berry :) see, i know a little about history...after all, i was a history minor.

when you grow up, you'll love trivia. my all time favorite board game is trivial pursuit. but i'm not a good player. when i know the answer, i shout it out really loudly and really quickly. i don't consult my partner(s) for their take on the question. this is a fault of mine. and when i get something right...i usually run around the room and scream for a good two to three minutes. i'm actually pretty good at trivia. i don't know why. i guess because i have probably watched a million episodes of jeopardy.

but my dad...he's the best trivia person ever. he knows everything. about everything. well, except deer hunting and butterfly catchers. but that's a whole different story :)

i'm sure when you grow up, you'll probably think the same thing about your daddy. i think that's what kids are supposed to do. think their parents are smart. good thing you've got your dad...

you watched some of the coverage with me. you love the tv so it's not hard to get you to focus on it. and i'm convinced that you knew what was going on.

i cried. of course i cried. i cried as soon as i saw a little boy named kenan. he was with his grandmother. he was 8 years old. and he had a t-shirt with obama's picture on it. and he was carrying a periscope. it was so sweet. they had driven something like 18 hours to be there.

as much as it has already been said...i couldn't help but think about how after today that little boy can go home and dream of being president. and it will no longer be something that seems so unattainable.

i heard a poem this morning and thought it was great. i have searched for who said it...but i can't find their name. but here it is...

rosa sat so martin could walk.
martin walked so obama could run.
obama ran so our children can fly.

that is how i feel today. proud. proud that you will grow up with obama as your first president.

as i watched president bush board the plane taking him back to texas, i couldn't help but feel sorry for him. feel sorry for his girls. and his wife. those girls have had to endure so much over the past 8 years. so many jokes, so much fodder about their dad.

i remember going to a basketball game with my dad. he was a referee for many, many years. i was young. and i can remember sitting there, and hearing a man behind me yell out, "hey you stupid ref...get some glasses!". he was talking to my dad. and immediately, i turned around and said something to him. something like, "hey, that's my dad. he doesn't need glasses!"

i was young. it hurt my feelings. and it's something that obviously still bothers me. silly, i'm sure. but as kids, our parents are so important to us. and it's hard to see them criticized.

so i'm sure mr. bush and his family while nostalgic, were also glad to get out of the spotlight.

anyway, today was a great day. we'll continue to pray for the obamas as they make the white house their home. i cannot wait until you get big enough for us to travel to washington as a family. i remember my first time there. it's quite a place!

prayers for harper.

i feel like i've come to you all so much lately for prayer.

there is a little girl. named harper (the sweet baby above) her mom is kelly. i don't know her. i have visited her blog...and i think maybe she went to ouachita. she looks so familiar to me. anyway, her little girl is in the nicu. heart problems maybe...but right now...breathing problems.

she blogged last night about the nurses. and about how the nurse didn't tell her until later, but she was actually concerned that baby harper wasn't going to make it. at some point, the nurse actually was worried about this.

it's my understanding that harper is better today.

but looking at those pictures of her with all the tubes. seeing all those cords. reading about how the nurses rarely smile....rarely give good news...it takes me back to when pratt was there. i still can't bring myself to look at those pictures. if you've ever had a baby in the nicu...or known anyone who has...you know how difficult this is. it's hard driving home without them. it's hard seeing their room without them. etc. etc.

please say a quick prayer for harper. babies aren't supposed to be sick. they are supposed to be healthy. and happy. and home with their moms and dads.

if you want to catch up on her progress, click on the icon on the right titled, "praying for harper". and pass this on to your friends.

thank you guys.

ps. my friend emily said that she thinks the purpose of these blogs is to make us all better mommies. i couldn't agree more. especially at times like these.

rolling over.

pops and his friend juan stopped by to see pratt yesterday. juan is from guadalajara. he was a very sweet man. he has been in the united states for something like 11 years. we enjoyed getting to meet him. he loved ace. and ace really loved him. which is strange. it usually takes ace several visits to warm up to anyone.





below is a video from this morning. pratt began rolling over maybe...two weeks ago. but it was very sporadic. and seemed like beginners luck.

not anymore. now, it's purposeful. he's figured out that if you raise your legs, you can sort of throw yourself over. hilarious. but he's still not completely sure what to do with his right arm. maybe this means he'll be left handed...oh, i hope so.

eighty two minutes.

it took eighty two minutes last night for pratt to fall back asleep.

eighty two.

do you know how long that is? so, so incredibly and painfully long.

we're talking...four "friends" episodes. you know on dvd with no commercials.

we did just like the book said and put him down as soon as we noticed he was getting drowsy. this was at 745 pm.

he woke at 342 am. he fell back asleep at 504 am.

i almost went and got him after an hour. but clint convinced me to wait. i'm actually surprised that clint is still here this morning. i whined more than pratt for those 82 minutes.

at 504 am, i wanted to do cheerleading jumps. i wanted to do backflips. i wanted to call everyone i knew and tell them the good news.

he woke at 745 am.

he slept nearly 12 hours. minus the 82 minutes, of course.

the book says that around 4 months, they begin to take a morning nap at 9 am. so this morning at 8, i started to worry. i wondered if because he got up at 745 and not 7....did this mean he won't be going back to sleep until 945? a solid 2 hours in between? the book is really good about saying that nothing should be too regimented. that nothing should be set in stone. just go with what you feel. your instincts.

well, at 9 i noticed him getting sleepy. so i took him upstairs to the glider. he took the rest of his bottle. not even an ounce. and his eyes began closing.

i put him in his crib. he whined for maybe...maybe 2 minutes.

it's now 922 am, and he's been asleep for 15 minutes.

heaven. heaven on earth.

i'm finding dr. weissbluth and writing him a thank you note. and i might send him flowers. and donations for any organizations that he is affiliated with. and food, cookies. i hope he likes chocolate chips. and i might just buy him a cow from heifer. seriously, if i had the money, i would. i'd buy a cow in his honor. that's how much the fulks family is loving dr. weissbluth.

i'm going to go...well, i dunno. i might go fly. at this point, i feel like standing on the roof of my house and screaming something like, "i'm the king of the world!".

go baby go.

when i was a kid, one of my favorite places to go was to oaklawn. i loved watching the horses run. but more than that...i loved.loved.loved spending the entire day with spencer and my dad.

pratt got to watch one race today. and then we headed back to the condo for some rest.

i know that as he gets older, he'll love going with my dad. and his dad. and maybe if he's lucky they'll take him to rocky's corner to eat pizza afterwards.

he is so serious sometimes...

he loves his dad. something about how calm clint is. soothing.



sugar and i left early with pratt in tow. it was so stinkin' cold. the wind was blowing 90 to nothing. for whatever reason, pratt decided sugar's nose would be something good to hang on to. i laughed so hard taking this picture. you can't really tell, but one of his fingers is in her mouth...and the other is up her nose.



here is sugar making him giggle. she's so funny.

also, a special thank you to those of you who have given me advice about sleeping.

to christa and katie...you guys rock my face off! seriously! that book has been a lifesaver.

"healthy sleep habits, happy child".

if you've never read it and you have a child...go get it. if you're pregnant, go get it. i wish i had purchased it 4 months ago. dr. weissbluth is so kind and non-judgmental. it's great. and great for so many different approaches to parenting.

apology.

i need to say that i'm sorry. i didn't mean to throw my husband under the bus with the previous post.

he is a wonderful husband. i've said that one here a million times. there have been at least 2 posts that were specifically about how great he is.

i am emotional. i say too much to people that i shouldn't.

i never meant to hurt his feelings. or be critical of him.

the point of my post was about how when i think i have nothing else within me, God shows me that i do. you know, when a door closes...another one opens. or something like that.

my husband is great. wonderful. smart. loving. all of it. i should have said things better.

please accept my apology.

overflow.

so, so much on my mind. i'll try to make sense of it. if my grammer is bad, i apologize. i am having trouble keeping thoughts separate at the moment...so sorry if this jumbles together.

pratt has been fighting sleep like a maniac lately. the past four nights, he's slept from around 830 to 530 or 6. it's been heaven. but getting him to sleep, not heaven. the other place.

last night was the worst so far. he took his last nap at around 1230. and woke around 1. at 4, i put him down and he woke after about 10 minutes. i figured it was because he was wet. i changed his diaper, gave him more bottle...and nothing. no sleep. at 6, he was exhausted and his mom was beyond exhausted with the worlds world headache. splitting. light hurt. sound hurt. everything hurt. he was standing in his car...grasping the windshield as tight as i've ever seen him do. just staring a hole in me. he was flat exhausted. but was not giving up the fight.

clint got home around 7. something like that. it's all really starting to run together. i just remember he said something like, "oh, good...no nap...maybe this means he will sleep all night again."

let me just say something here. NO! NO! NO! that is NOT what this means. i have told him this over and over and over again. no nap means no sleeping at night. for whatever reason...he's one of the smartest people i know...but he DOES NOT get this. no nap means overtired. and i don't care that he says this doesn't make sense. IT DOES. it's real. i live it. alot. i live the overtired thing alot. i'm the one getting up at all hours of the night. so trust me on this.

he makes the comment...and immediately, i'm done. stick a fork in me. done. d.o.n.e.

i had to fight the urge to get in my car and just drive away. anywhere. turn up the music as loud as it would go and drive. maybe to little rock...maybe to oklahoma. maybe to check on those people in the hudson river. pretty much..anywhere. but i swore a long time ago, i'd never leave. and this is considered leaving. so i hung around.

it's around 730 at this point. pratt is fussy. i get a bottle and i'm convinced that i'm feeding him and he's going to bed. clint tries to help me. i told him no. that i could do it. at this point, i meant business. and i didn't want there to be any play going on. i wasn't in the mood for play. i wasn't in the mood for late night laughs. i wanted sleep.

8 pm. i put him in his bed. he is exhausted. eyes shut. breathing slowed down. limp like a ragdoll. when i lay him down and get him semi-swaddled, he wakes. those big eyes open wide. and he begins to whimper. i just kiss his forehead and walk out.

downstairs, clint is working on his dinner. it's 8 pm and i haven't eaten...since oh, i dunno...1. seven hours ago. so i stand there. watching him make his own dinner. while i hear my child on the monitor begin to cry harder. the noise begins to rise. a little louder. it's getting worse by the minute.

i turn the oven on to make mini corn dogs. because that's literally all we have to eat. besides the ramen that my husband is making himself.

i have about 5 mini corndogs out when i get so angry. it hits me all at once.

i have cleaned bottles. i have cleaned house. i have cleaned a butt, a face, a runny nose. all of it. i've done it all by myself all day. i have a splitting headache. my child is now getting louder and louder and i look over at my husband. and you know what he's doing? he's stirring the noodles of his ramen into that dang bowl as slow as molasses.

i think he said something like, "i'll go get him. let me eat first."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

seriously!!!!???? seriously????? "let me eat first." did he really just say that?

there have been times when i've not been able to urinate because i'm busy with the child. nursing or changing a diaper or whatever. "let me eat first". o.m.g.

i think i'll put that on his tombstone. i need to write that down so that maybe 80 years from now, i'll think it's funny and not want to kill him for it.

i scream horrible words at him. horrible. and he says things right back. so don't go feeling all sorry for him (i know my mother thinks i'm terrible...and she is always on his side. so mom, don't be feeling sorry for him at this point. he deserved some of it just for making his own dinner and not asking if i was hungry. which of course i was because i hadn't eaten since 1. and i'm chubby and tend to eat every 3 to 4 hours. like a baby, yes)

i go upstairs. and i won't go into detail here...because again, it all runs together. but i remember leaning down into pratt's crib. he had tears all over his face. tears get me. they get me good. i leaned down, put my face up to the right side of his face. cheek to cheek. i'm holding his tiny little left hand in mine. i'm holding onto the side of the crib with my left hand. i'm doing the "shhhh". and i feel his little right hand come up. it ever so slightly moves around...and then he finds my forehead. and as gentle as anything i've ever experienced, he rubs my forehead with his tiny little hand. back and forth. it's at that point, i begin crying.

he has been getting pretty good with his hands. trying to reach for things. but he's never gentle about it. he's rough. he's not good with fine motor skills yet. and has a tendancy to pop you on the face. or the chest.

but not this time. this time, he moves with such grace that i am sure it was God moving through him. i am one hundred percent positive it was my Father. telling me to slow down. telling me that this little boy needs me. reminding me that i'm the mom now. and i can't go to my room anymore, slink down on my bed and cry out, "i want my mommy." because i'm the mom.

because there is a new child who will cry that. and i'm the big person who needs to be there. when all i want to do is run away.

he finally fell asleep. and i wish i could say that clint was right. and that he slept through the night. but i mean, come on. of course he didn't. he was overtired. and he woke at 1. and at 3. and then again at 5. and we were up and at 'em around 7.

he's sleeping now and has been for about 30 minutes. hopefully today he'll sleep better.

it's like i find myself at a new low. and then, with His perfect timing...i'm given the strength to get back up again.

and ps. i love my husband. but i promised myself long ago that i'd be honest here. unfortunately, pratt will not grow up in a house where clint and i don't argue. he will see us get upset with each other. but he will always know...he will always always always find comfort in knowing that we WILL work through it.

i remember seeing my parents get upset with each other. my mom had her hands full. she would leave to go to the grocery and we'd come downstairs and say, "dad, where's mom." he'd say something like, "well, you girls were fighting and wouldn't listen or eat your dinner...so she's gone to new york to live with aunt carol."

i assume she was always just driving around to let off stress. but she always came back. and we knew it.

what i'm saying is that there is no point in me trying to act perfect. clint and i argue. we fight. i cry. he doesn't...probably because i do enough for both of us.

but we will always work it out. because a cord of three strands is not easily broken, right? right.

behind. way, way behind.

pratt turned four months old on tuesday. the thirteenth. but i'm waiting to do the full four month post until our doctor's appointment next week.

in other news...

anderson micheal fisher was born january 14th at 10:47 am to proud parents andy and clara. he is doing well...and they all expect to go home tomorrow! he looks so much like his beautiful mom! i cannot wait to meet him! last night clint told pratt that his "best friend forever" had been born. i think pratt understood. he smiled.

here are some pictures from the past few days.









everything, and i mean everything goes in his mouth lately. he loves for you to let him grab your fingers and pull up to a sitting position. when he gets at about a 45 degree angle, he opens his mouth as wide as he can get it, and lunges for your fingers, hands...whatever he can find and fit in his mouth.

the picture below is evidence. i was rocking back and forth with him yesterday afternoon. as soon as he could, he would open his mouth and try to eat my nose.

hilarious.

ms. sharons.

on my birthday last year, my mother brought me my baby book. i have always loved my baby book...but it had extra special meaning last year because i was pregnant. and that day, i sat and read that thing from cover to cover. and it had a whole new meaning.

pratt looks like clint. i know, i know. exactly like clint. with my chin...but pretty much he is a little clint. that's what my dad always says when he sees him, "well, hello little clint!"

the other night, a friend of mine found me on facebook. her name is amber. i haven't seen her since we were kids. we lived on the same street at our first house. peppertree.

anyway, i was trying to find a picture of her for clint to see. i figured there might be on in my babybook. before i knew it, we were looking at all the pictures my mom kept inside it.

and we came across this one...

i LOVE this picture. i always have.

this was my preschool class at ms. sharon's. in 1983. to 1984.

i am on the back row. the sixth person from the left. and you can't see it, but ms. sharon is holding my hand. i was a nervous wreck. clint said i was a teacher's pet. it wasn't that...it's just that i was painfully shy for such a long, long time. i still have a touch of social anxiety...and i think it's left over from my younger years. there is nothing more difficult for me than walking in a room full of strangers...who knows.

my favorite thing about this picture is on the front row. last kid on the right side.

he is wearing a red shirt. and blue jeans. and he has the greatest head of hair ever.

it's jarrod wolfe. some of you probably don't know jarrod...that's irrelevant. look at his face. priceless.

i loved preschool. i should probably write ms. sharon and thank her. she might be the reason i have always loved school. i'd go back right now if i could take pratt with me.

i remember when you walked in the front door, there was a huge jukebox. and it played "eye of the tiger". and one day we acted like eskimos and we ate sardines and built igloos with marshmallows.

and i think we went on a fishing trip to debbie and tim reynolds house. and i caught my first fish. my mom kept that thing in the freezer for a month. no one at my house knew how to skin it.

neelie is in the picture. she's on the second row. hidden behind kari davis who looks like she might kill neelie if she moves. kari's face is hilarious.

anyway, this is really for jarrod and heather. i figured heather would love it.

our weekend.

what a wonderful and busy weekend we had!

saturday i helped with a small group shower for our adorable friends, allison and tyler. and their beautiful little girl madeline.

i've talked about these girls before. they really are the best. we were blessed beyond measure finding them at our church. each of them has their own unique personality...and when we get together...it's...well, perfect. i love each of you so much.



here is a picture of pratt and madeline. so sweet. i love her little face! she is going to be such a wonderful big sister for baby tucker.

i was gone most of the day. so once cookie and my dad brought pratt back home, clint had him all to himself. i think they had a wonderful day together...so much so that pratt didn't really want to fall asleep that night...and didn't really stay asleep for longer than 30 minutes throughout the night :)

i received several pictures from clint while i was away. this is one of them. pratt has fallen fast asleep in his jumper.



here is a video that clint took. pratt has the jumper completely figured out!



and, we got carpet finally! i'm so excited about it. it's actually carpet that has been bound into a rug. we've got stained concrete and hardwood...so we were worried about having a surface for pratt to crawl on. so thank you to pops...we now have a new rug for our living area!

in other news...clint moved the furniture so that when seated in the living room...everyone has a view of the tv. can i tell you how much i hate this? a tv should not be the center of a room. oh well, i guess it's not really that important in the big scheme of things. maybe while he's at work, i'll move it back and he won't notice :)

teething.

pratt's friends.

before we left maumelle, clint loved getting to play poker with some of his buddies on wednesday night.

something must have been in the water many months ago...because 3 of the poker wives were pregnant. me and clint. natalie and derek. and hillary and kevin.

so fast forward something like....11 months....

here is pratt with his two new friends.

me and pratt (nearly 4 months); natalie and cayman (2 months and a few days) and hillary and petyon (7 months).

bring the rain.

i have seen the "bring the rain" button many times. and i've clicked on it. read a few things. cried. promised i'd come back to it.

but i've been busy.

until today.

today i clicked and had time to read. for a solid 2 hours. pratt slept for a solid 2 hour nap. i love those naps. he's so refreshed afterwards.

i got to april. april of 2008. and i'm crippled and can't move on. can't keep until i share this.

many of you have read the story of audrey caroline, i'm sure.

but i hadn't. and so this for all those like me...who hadn't heard of her.

i'm sharing it because my best friend emily emailed me this morning. discussing this. and she made a statement. about how blogs are supposed to make us better mommies.

and so i'm trying to pass that on.

click on the rainboots. upper right corner. click on it. and see where she has allowed you to click on the tab to start from the beginning.

and get a box of tissues. because if you haven't needed them by april (which is highly unlikely)....you'll need them then.

what an amazing woman. mother. Christian.

a real life Christian. someone i wish i knew.

you will want to meet her too.

be blessed.

just a swangin'...

that's a country song for all you city folk...






sorry about how dark this video is. i took it in pratt's nursery last night. it was late and i was trying to get him to sleep. (this is how he gets right before i want him to sleep) so i had only one lamp on. it didn't seem this dark when i did it.

it's so funny though...so i had to post it. he reads our facial expressions frighteningly well. it worries me and makes me feel like i should "put on a happy face" throughout the entire day. this being a parent thing is getting harder and harder :)

and i'm pretty sure at 50 seconds, he mimics me. like word for word. i'm not saying he's a genius or anything...you decide.

just kidding...well, sort of.

some very special friends.

i have been blessed with some of the best teachers. school teachers, more specifically.

dr. trey berry. i'll never be able to call him "trey". even though he has asked me to. i just can't do it. something about how he'll always be "dr. berry" to me.

he was a history professor at ouachita. and THE reason i was a history minor. i didn't really need the minor. i just knew that by graduation, i would have so many hours from taking his classes. i think i took everything the man taught during my four years.

his wife kathy was the first person i spoke to at ouachita. i wasn't supposed to be a tiger. i was supposed to go to the university of alabama. i was enrolled there....had classes...had a roommate. but i went for a visit, about a month before school started. and i hated it. it was not me. AT ALL.

for reasons i'm sure of now (ie. my husband and my dearest friends), God led me to ouachita.

my parents didn't think it would be a good idea. it was either fayetteville or out of state for me...as far as they were concerned.

so i drove to a pay phone. at a gas station. in fairview. dropped money in and called 1.800.dial.obu.

and kathy berry answered. she sent me a packet on ouachita. and when my mom took me up to tour the campus that next week, she was the person to show me around.

they had a son several years ago. and they've recently adopted a little girl from china. their story is incredible. it can't help but be. they are two of the most incredible people i know.

so say a prayer for them. and visit their link. it's the last link on my list of friends.

enjoy. and may God bless you all.

thoughts this am.

1. pratt is a total morning person. i don't know who he gets this from. it must be me because his dad is so not a morning person. i don't think of myself as one...but i guess i am moreso than clint. pratt wakes and as soon as he sees your face, he grins his big grin where his eyes close. it's pretty great.

2. i spooked myself last night watching "the first 48". i love true crime shows. always have. when i was a kid, i'd get on the couch, get snacks and a coke on the coffee table within my reach, wrap a blanket around myself (think...snug as a bug in a rug)...all in preparation for "unsolved mysteries". i would watch and be so scared. my parents house has a gazillion windows in the front. with no curtains. and for the longest time, no blinds. and i'd lay there and watch that...scared of who was looking in on me. but i kept doing it...every single week.

anyway, last night i watched an episode that took place in memphis. i lived in memphis for 2 years...or 1.5. something like that. i was always scared there. clint made me that way. i remember we thought mud island was safe...and then clint's best friend had his car stolen right in front of him one night.

4 adults and 2 kids were murdered in one house. and 3 other kids were in the hospital from their injuries that night. i love the show. i love the narrator. i wish he'd narrate my life. like in that will ferrell movie. "stranger than fiction". the guy has a really deep voice.

i was terrified the entire time i was watching it. clint was asleep...and i just layed there. looking out our bedroom door. cutting my eyes that way. i'm nuts.

anyway, turns out it was the brother of the murdered guy who killed everyone. one of the females detectives spoke to the 9 year old son while he was in le bonheur. he finally was able to talk. and when she asked him who stabbed him, he said, "junior". i gasped. junior was in protective custody with the rest of the family. because the detectives/cops thought that what was taking place was a "blackout". that's when a member of the gang does something that deserves punishment...and what ends up happening is that the entire family is wiped out.

junior admits to what he's done. he was a young black guy. 33. he had just been released from prison for murder. he'd been in there 14 years. nearly half of his life. and he was about to be going back.

he tells the detective...."i wanna see my momma." that's when i started crying. he was so soft spoken about it.

they bring his mom in. she's sitting on the opposite side of the table as him. they are holding hands. and he tells her that he's killed her other son, and her grandkids. and she keeps looking at him. grasping his hands. he apologizes to her. she starts crying. but never lets go of his hands.

at that point, i went and got pratt out of his bed and brought him to our bed. neither of us slept. neither of us were comfortable. he wanted to be in his bed, i'm sure...but i couldn't let him sleep alone.

what happens for our kids to kill their own family? what happens to them to kill anyone? what goes wrong? society? family? what? another thing that i couldn't get over was his race. he was a young black man. and family is so important to them. not that it's not important to me, being white. but family was so much of what black people had for such a long time. you held onto that. what happens for you to turn against them?

i felt sorry for the guy. but more than that, my heart broke for his mom. a mom who was now losing two sons. a daughter in law. and 3 grandchildren.

and on a much lighter note...

3. it only takes me 3 wipes to clean a dirty diaper. this is amazing people. in the beginning it took me...oh, i'd say 10. maybe 12. i'm down to 3 good ones...and then a 4th just to check. you know, that's the one i look at. to make sure he's good and clean. you know you all look at the toilet paper...don't even try to lie.

4. i had a dream last night that bob harper from the biggest loser showed up at my front door. this is weird. not because i don't love him....but because if i could chose, i'd pick jillian. i love how she says, "i don't care about your family, about your kids...about your jobs. the only think i care about is getting your butt smaller!". but she doesn't say "butt". bob brought me socks in my dream. and said he was going to take me to get new tennis shoes. this was exciting to me. i complimented him on his all-stars.

and finally...most importantly...

5. the razorbacks beat texas last night. basketball. i couldn't watch the entire game. once fortson and washington were taken out for fouls, i stopped watching. i'm a nervous wreck with sporting events. i mean, remember that time agassi won the french open. and as he fell to the ground...that clay court...i did too. i fell to the carpet and puked. yes, puked. i was a nervous wreck that entire match. so i came in on the razorback game with about 2 minutes left. it was great. a wonderful game. go hogs!

look ma, no hands!

so pratt hasn't really gotten the hang of the johnny jump-er-roo. or whatever it's called. i think there was a "johnny" in it somewhere...and he jumps in it too. so that's what i've been calling it. i'm pretty sure that's close to the true name.

anyway, he loves it. i will have to post the video of him in it. he's really gotten the hang of it. he will stand in it forever...just bouncing away. talking as fast as he bounces. it now makes sense that they put grip on the bottom of baby socks. i didn't get it...but now i do.

there's only one thing. he doesn't really know what to do with his hands. when we first sit him in it, he'll play with the horse. the toys around the horses head. but then after about five minutes, his hands disappear.

i hadn't really payed attention to where they were going until today...

and how cute are those chubby, chubby legs!? i love it!

come on, mom...

our conversation went something like this...

pratt: "mom, what.in.the.world!?"

me: "pratt, they are wrist rattles. try it, you'll love them! they make noise when you move your hands!"

pratt: "first things first mom. i'm a boy. i don't wear bracelets. especially when they look so much like slap bracelets!"

after a few seconds of play...

pratt: "you're right mom. i do love them. but let's not tell dad...he might think i'm into jewelry or something!"

thanks nana! he couldn't quit looking at them...and luckily i washed them. because he inevitably got them in his mouth.

dad's birthday.

we celebrated your dad's birthday yesterday. we started the day by going to a new church. we're visiting...and i don't like it..the visiting part. not the going to church part. i miss our old church...maybe i'll get over it. i hope so. i know i should be open to new things...but yuck. i don't wanna be.

here is pratt all ready for church. in his cute pediped shoes from allyson!

after church we ate at our new favorite breakfast nook. and then we came home and began getting ready for small group. it was here last night. we had potato soup, mexican cornbread, cookie's special salad and hot fudge pudding down under. oh, and chocolate chip cookies. homeade. they were yummy. i've finally figured out the secret ingredient.

we had a wonderful night with our small group family and then you decided it'd be super cool to stay up until 10. but you finally fell asleep, on your own in your own bed (go, pratt!) and then you slept until 6. and this time i didn't wake up to check on you! maybe i've finally stopped worrying! almost 4 months later! woohoo, go me!

i think it was the first night of constant, uninterrupted sleep since the beginning of my third trimester!

it's cold here today. we've played with toys. read books. but we haven't gone outside. i need to go check the mail...but there is ice everywhere. and it's raining. so much so that ace just went to the side of the front porch and hiked his leg. that's how cold and wet it is here.

your daddy had a wonderful birthday. we are so blessed to have him in our lives. i hope that you grow up...and you become just.like.him. exactly like him. i mean that. and i'm lucky to be able to say it. and mean it.

we love you.

sandy hair, blows in the air...

so i opened the door this morning. it was the ups man. he handed me the package...and sort of looked at me funny. like sort of tilted his head to the side...and half smiled.

i thought..."what's his problem? i mean, i'm still in my pjs...so what!".

that was around 9 am.

it's now 1130. and i just looked at myself in the mirror. first time today. and this is what i saw....



now i realize that he was wondering how in the world i got my hair that way.

folks....this is motherhood. i don't know how i did it. i couldn't recreate this birds nest if i tried.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

tomorrow is your daddy's birthday. he will be 29. yes, he married an older woman. he likes to tell people that. all.the.time.

tonight cookie and my dad (still no name) came up for dinner. clint chose johnny carino's...but the wait was too long. so we went to panera bread instead. you flirted with a little girl who looked to be about 6 months old. she smiled at you...you smiled at her. you two went back and forth like this the entire time we were there. i already know that you're going to be a flirt. you can't help it. it's in your genes. your daddy's genes.

afterwards, your dad wanted cold stone creamery. let me tell you about this place. oh, man...where to begin?

it's ice cream. and anything you could possibly dream of...mixed into the ice cream. and when you walk in the door, the people scream, "welcome to cold stone!". i love it there. you will too someday.

you are now asleep in bed. the past two nights you have slept from 9 to 6 am. your dad told you before he put you to bed, "pratt, the only gift i want from you is another full nights sleep." we'll see if you give it to him.

below is a picture of you and your daddy that i took tonight. you love him. you laugh at him. you giggle. you melt his heart in the morning. and that is hard.hard. to do. he's not a morning person. but you might have converted him. we love to get you in our bed in the morning. that is by far, your favorite time of day.

sleep tight little monkey. and we'll see you in the morning. or before then...whatever you choose :)

we love you.

pratt loves...

a. being naked.

he is NOT my child. i couldn't pick my naked body out of a lineup of naked bodies. seriously. i really can't.



in this picture...he looks like he's thinking, "oh man...is mom going to put this on that blog!?"

b. sitting in his bumbo seat. and c. his new balance tennis shoes. (thanks sugar!)

he looks so grown up in these pictures. it makes me sad. he shouldn't be able to sit up already. he should still need to be laying down. cradled. held like a baby. but he hates that. he hates hates hates to be held like a baby.

when you make him lay like that, he straightens his legs out. makes them stiff. like kids do in walmart when their parents are trying to spank them.

it's pretty funny. sometimes i do it just to see him stiffen up.

i'm mean, i know.