my husband.

my dad has always said that after you have children, the love you have for your spouse changes. he never was really able to describe this to me. it was more of that "you'll know when it happens to you" kind of thing.

it's happened.

sixteen days in, and it's happened.

i'm not sure when. i can't really put my finger on it. i just know that it has.
one day we were in the nicu visiting pratt. clint was holding him and i was standing over next to pratt's roomie. another little baby in the nicu. he was upset and i had gone over to try to talk to him to soothe him. i remember it like it was yesterday. clint was holding pratt and looked up at me and said, "my papaw once said that when his first child was born he loved my mamaw more than he ever had before". i commented that that was so sweet. and he said, "i realize now what he meant. i think i love you now, more than i ever have before."

it's true. the way i feel about him is different. we haven't had an argument since we've been home. don't get me wrong, i know that one will come one day. probably sooner, rather than later. but this is what we need right now. this bonding. this time for our little family to be together.

he is so good with pratt. wants to hold him and feed him. this morning i went down to warm up a bottle and came back and pratt was asleep on his chest in our bed. i tried to take a picture, but as soon as i got it out, clint woke up and i knew he wouldn't let me.

i don't pretend to know what i'm doing. this is still all very new to me. but i've realized that i haven't made any tragic mistake yet. (at least not that i know of...psychology might reveal something very different in the years to come :)

and having clint next to me, telling me that i'm doing a good job, is exactly what this is all about. i'm not sure how "good" i'm doing...but i'm trying. and it's easier to do it when i have him next to me.

so thank you clint for all the love you've showered me with recently.

we are so very lucky to have you.

fulks family dentistry.

on october 6th, clint will start work here in benton! his office is called fulks family dentistry and is located near the walmart in benton. it's actually just below ferguson's furniture. across from dizzy's grill.


i am so excited for him! this is something that he has been working on for quite some time now. there is so much involved in opening up your own dental practice. he has been very busy for a while trying to get everything prepared. the equipment he bought is really nice. thanks to jerrod williams, the color of paint, carpet, tile, etc all looks so nice. i'll post pictures of the inside once everything is finished.


he will start taking appointments october 6th. i believe the first week will be training on the new software for him and any employees. he will be open monday through wednesdays initially...once the patient flow increases, he will be open thursday and maybe friday.


for now, he's working at a kool smiles clinic in pine bluff on thursday and friday. this is new for him...so keep him in your prayers. kool smiles is a medicaid office for children. very rewarding...but working with children all day is quite different than working with mostly adults. he is so good with kids...but these kids can be terrified of the dentist so it can be tough.


anyway, his new website is up and working! it's http://www.fulksfamilydentistry.com/


go check it out, and if you're nearby...come see the office!

2 weeks.

pratt is 2 weeks old today. 14 days. it seems like just yesterday. but he's already looking so different. he changes every single day.

so that i'll remember everything...

he's a good sleeper. usually sleeps for 2 to 3 hours and then wakes pretty hungry. he's a happy baby overall...unless of course, he a. needs his diaper changed, b. is forced to take a bath, or c. is hungry. he screams at the top of his lungs when any of these things happens. well, he'll deal with the diaper change on a full belly.

we've had lots of visitors over the past week. our small group family came to see us. whitney and lindsey came over to visit. lindsey claims that if you listen really carefully you can hear him whisper, "i like lindsey better than whitney". mimi, poppy, aunt spencer. debra and paige tolin. nana and greatma. aunt christie. poppa. shonna and chandler.

i tried to get a haircut tonight. this is pretty much a necessity because of all the prenatal vitamins. i'm seriously about to cut my hair myself. it didn't work out for tonight..but hopefully i'll be able to get one tomorrow. clint has been so good about staying with pratt. i'm getting a bit of cabin fever. any day now you might find me sitting at a typewriter with "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy" written over and over and over again.

i'm surviving on about 4 hours of sleep...and somehow i'm doing okay. i'm sure this will catch up with me...but for now, i'm good.

funny aunt spencer...

someone thinks aunt spencer is really, really funny...

sorry it's blurry. it was too cute not to post.

and here he is puckering up to give her a great big kiss...

first doctor's visit

we had our first doctor's visit yesterday. pratt's weight has gone from 8 pounds (when we left the hospital) to 8 pounds and 4.7 ounces. he's also now 23 inches long! he's growing like a weed which makes us so happy.

so far, he's a happy baby. except when you change his diaper instead of feeding him. he takes down 2 ounces like it's nothing. the doctor recommended we continue 2 ounces...which is hard. because he doesn't seem satisfied...but she stated that he doesn't understand the concept of a full stomach...so we're doing the right thing.

just from this, i've realized the importance of intuition. last night he wouldn't stop crying. everything was upsetting to him. we had fed him about thirty minutes prior and nothing would make him happy. it was around 1015. so i handed him to clint and went down to warm up some milk. (long story short...i'm pumping to give him breastmilk because "latching on" wasn't ever really accomplished due to his being in the nicu...i'm dealing with the guilt...it's hard. everyone and their mother believes in breastfeeding now. and apparently, if you don't do it, you're basically the worst mother ever)

he was screaming when i left him. but when i returned five minute later, clint had him swaddled up and was singing "this must be love" by don williams. and the child was still and quiet and just looking at his dad. it brings tears to my eyes to think about it.

our wonderful small group came over the other night to see pratt. they brought us a wooden stork that has been in the "family" for years. it was painted blue...just for pratt...and the guys put it in our yard. we took a family picture by it last night.

also, i'm not sure you remember, but when we tried to do a 3d ultrasound on two separate occasions. neither time worked because he had his hands in front of his face. well...he still does this. and here is proof.

and...i didn't want him to have a pacifier. i'm not sure why. i guess because i always thought it caused buck teeth. sandy, one of the wonderful nurses in the nicu, convinced me that it brought him comfort while in the hospital. needless to say, he's still using it. and i guess it's okay because if he does have bad teeth, we know a very, very good dentist. :)

hope ya'll are all having wonderful days. he's sleeping now so i better go shower. or do something else that i've neglected to do. my mom is with us now...and i'm not sure what i'll do when she leaves.

love to each of you.

home again, home again....

we're home!

last week was a long, long week. but we are so thankful to so many of you who continued praying for us. all of us.

as spencer stated, pratt is home and doing great. he is a good sleeper. a good eater. and seems to be pretty happy. he, of course, likes his dad much better than he likes me. last night clint took him upstairs to change his diaper and he didn't make a peep. typical. it's happening already. i take his diaper off and he screams. clint does it, and he just lays there and looks at him.

i don't know what i would do without my mother. she is here with us now...and is so helpful with everything. she cooks, cleans, takes care of pratt and ace and yoda. she does it all. i'll never, ever be able to thank her properly.

i'm including some pictures from the past couple of days.

here is pratt. enjoying a little bit of sleep on the boppy. i love his feet and hands in this picture. clint says that he could swing from the trees with those toes.




caught yawing.





i'll update more later. we're about to eat dinner.

Pratt is home...

This is Spencer again, writing for Hannah... Pratt and his mom and dad arrived at their new home this morning around 11... Everyone is doing great... Their internet is still out, but as soon as it is fixed, Hannah will update! Again, thank you all for the prayers... we are so happy to have this little boy home!

thursday, september 18th

Today is Thursday.

It feels like this week has moved slower than any other in the history of the world.

Yesterday clint got to hold pratt for 45 minutes. He loved every minute. I think his favorite part was how pratt would just look up at him with those wide eyes.

The spinal tap was done on Wednesday morning. It went well. The doctor said it didn’t take 2 minutes and that the “fluid was remarkably clear”. This was a good thing. He said that he would “fall off (his) chair if something cultured”.

When my mom and I got to the hospital, nurse Sandi was cleaning up Pratt’s back. I didn’t get to hold him because his back was most likely sore from the spinal tap. I was okay with that. I knew that he had been held by clint earlier…and knew that soon enough, I’d get to hold him.

I’ve realized over the past week that I’m much, much stronger than I’ve ever given myself credit for.

Mom read him Billy Chrystal’s book. She showed him the pictures and everything. One day he will realize what a wonderful reader she is. She gives every character a different voice. Hopefully, she’ll read him Superfudge one day.

Last night Clint and I both got to hold him. We got to feed him by bottle. Sandy took out his feeding tube. So we’re down to one IV in his hand. He looks so good. His color is good. He has a very strong, loud cry. :) we found that out last night.

we are at starbucks right now doing this posting because we have no internet at home yet. we're on our way to the hospital when we leave here. we hopefully will get to hold him and feed him.

our hope is that he will come home sunday. that will be 7 full days of antibiotics. they still don't know what caused the infection...possibly a speedy birth with no squeezing of his lungs...and so there is fluid in his lungs that caused it. his labs have all been normal...but i'm still cautious. don't want to get my hopes up.

we think we'll be able to spend the night with him there on saturday night and we will bring him home sunday.

i must say that we have had soooo many people pray for us. as clint said last night, we feel very undeserving. there is no doubt in my mind that prayer is what has made this easier for all of us. i never thought i was this strong. i really didn't. i knew clint was...but i didn't think i was.

thank you to every single one of you that has prayed for us. please continue the prayers. we need them. we need them bad. thank you for passing the word on to friends of yours...friends we will never meet. i just don't have the words for thanking each and every one of you.

i will update as soon as possible. for now, it looks like the spinal fluid is clear...and he'll have seven days of antibiotic and go home with us on sunday.

again, thank you all. keep us in your prayers. we love you.

oh...and here's one of pratt and his very, very proud papa.

tuesday, september 16th

I haven’t worn mascara since Saturday. I put it on then because I thought it might be good…you know, for the pictures of the delivery.

I knew that I was having him on Saturday. I had been up all night with contractions. They weren’t consistent. Sometimes it would be 30 minutes, sometimes 10. but they all hurt. bad. So bad that I would lay there in the bed, squishing my toes up, bending and straightening my legs. Doing anything to take my mind off what was happening to my insides.

At 830 we drove to the hospital. We arrived and walked in. I took my bags but was too embarrassed to take them in. I was afraid I’d still be 2 centimeters and they’d send me home.

At 930 my doctor came in. it was my lucky day. He was the on-call doctor. He came in, saw me, said that they would probably be able to give me an IV and slow the contractions…and then they’d send me home. He never thought I’d have Pratt that day.

The nurse checked me. I was 5 centimeters dilated and 90% effaced. It was then I began bragging about my pain tolerance. I’ve always thought I was tough…clint always made fun of me for it…because he’s seen me in pain…in the dental chair…but this proved it, right? This proved that I was tough.

At 535 pm, Pratt Allen Fulks was born.

I’ve never thought newborns were pretty. They always looked like aliens to me. They all looked alike.

I was wrong. He was the most beautiful child I have ever seen. He had a small nose. A small chin. The “robinson chin” as my dad calls it. It comes from my mother’s side of the family. And he had a full head of dark hair. I’m pretty sure he gets that from his dad. I cross my fingers that it will be curly one day.

We had a wonderful afternoon and night. Lots of visitors. Lots of love. Lots of hugs and kisses. And cuddling.

It was when we were transferred to our room. He was in his little crib. And I kept thinking he was breathing hard. Heavy. Labored breathing. He wouldn’t feed and he wouldn’t get comfortable. Kept crying.

I know very little about newborns. However, I do know that they are supposed to be pretty sleepy at first. He wasn’t. it was like he was too upset to be sleepy. Too worked up. So the nurse asked us if we wanted to put him in the nursery so we could get some sleep. This was around 130 am. We were hesitant because we wanted him to spend his first night with us. But we said okay…and it turns out, it was probably the smartest decision we’ve ever made.

At 4 am, the nurse came back and told us that the pediatrician wanted the neonatologist to see him. They were worried about his breathing too, but didn’t think that it was anything to be alarmed about. It was more precautionary. he would be making rounds at 5 and we’d know something at 6.

Neither of us slept after that. From 4 to 6 we just lay there. Thinking of all the things that could be wrong. I thought of everything from cancer to heart failure to lung damage. All of it. I worried about all of it.

So I haven’t worn mascara since Saturday. I’ve worn my glasses because I’m tired of crying and rubbing my contacts off my eyeballs.

Pratt has an infection. His bands (a precursor to white blood cells, maybe?) were at 60. they should be below 10. he has been breathing heavily…but only sometimes. Not consistently. The chest xray showed “streakiness” in the right side of the lungs. The labs were abnormal.

So he was admitted to the NICU. Yuck. The one place I never wanted to see. That’s where he would be moved. Clint and I were sent home.

I was wheeled down the hallway. Clint followed with our belongings. We had gifts and the baby bag. as I got in the truck, I turned to see the car seat, and I lost it. Wanted to jump out of the truck and run back in. unplug all the cords and wires and take him with us. He was supposed to be with us. Babies are supposed to go home with their parents. And he wasn’t. he was being left behind.

The 30 minute drive home was probably the longest of our life. Clint felt the same way. It killed him too.

He’s still there. He has a feeding tube. And something called a canicula. It’s a little tube with two prongs that go inside his nostrils. It’s to help with his respirations. There is tape on it. Thick tape on his upper lip. Holding the feeding tube. He has bruises on his little hands and feet from blood draws. His right heel is badly bruised from the IV. They placed in IV in his scalp, but today he decided that he’d pull it out. J

Yes. So they’ve placed the IV in his right hand now. And taped that hand up completely. It’s like Clint said, “he looks like a boxer”. He won’t be ripping that one out. Well, at least I hope not.

After 2 days of strong antibiotics, his labs are back to normal. His breathing is getting better. They think it’s typical for babies. but he can’t come home just yet. as is typical with antibiotics, you must finish the entire dose before you quit. So he has at least 7 to 10 days of them.

They will do a spinal tap in the morning to see if there is bacteria in the spinal fluid. If there is, he will have to stay in the NICU for 21 days. October 5th. This seems like so far away.

Pratt Allen Fulks

ok... so this is spencer posting for hannah... pratt is here! he arrived saturday night at 5:35... he weighed 8 lbs. and 1 ounce... he was 22 inches long! he is absolutely precious... he has hannah's nose and chin... she will update asap! we are all so excited!

out of touch.

so...we're still here. all moved. all settled in. thanks to my mother and debbie samra. i owe them my life basically. debbie for decorating and my mother for loving me so much that she spent a full week with me unloading box after box.

we still don't have internet yet. we will next tuesday.

my contractions (as of right now) are 12 minutes apart. i'm 2 cm and 50% effaced.

i am hoping this baby decides to come at anytime! we're ready.

i'll update more when i get a chance. i promise to do better when the internet becomes available "out in the sticks"...:)