paleo.

so.

it's been a few days since clint and i finished up our first whole 30 month/experience.

i've not blogged about it since starting.  for LOTS of reasons.  but mostly because i was unsure i'd be able to stick with it.  because i LOVE everything it cuts out.

dairy.  gluten.  sugar.  legumes.

know what i see when i read that?

cheese.
chips.
candy.
peanut butter.

what the hey does that leave, right?

nothing i want.

well, nothing i wantED.

i'm 33.  i've been working out by bootcamp (burning anywhere from 500 to 800 calories every 60 minutes) twice a week.  doing yoga once a week (burning 300 to 400 calories in an hour).  and sometimes doing an extra workout.

i've been doing that since september.

and at least three times a week, i would put my clothes on and pray that something would be too loose to wear.  something would give.  anything.

but it never happened.

and so i just assumed that my metabolism was shot.  you know, because of my age.

but something marietta kept saying in bootcamp would bother me.

your body isn't made in the gym.  it's made in the kitchen.  

all i knew was that i was eating a ton.  because i was hungry all the time.  i assume it's because of all the calories i was burning.  i don't know.  i just know i was always hungry.

and i had gotten REALLY good at checking labels.

while i'm on this.  let me hop on my soapbox.  SUGAR IS KILLER.

check your sugar content.  you shouldn't be getting more than 12 grams of sugar per serving for each meal, i think.  and like 9 grams for a snack.  PEOPLE.  those juices that they claim are so natural and great for you!?  they have like 28 grams of sugar for every 8 ounces!!!!!!  that is so much horrible sugar.

anyway.  we started whole 30.  and we cut out gluten.  legumes.  processed sugar and dairy.

so.  we were basically down to the perimeter of the grocery store.  everything i was buying was label free.  because it was all fresh stuff.  stuff that was going to go bad if we didn't eat it.  vegetables.  fruits. meat.  nuts.  eggs.

and let me say this.  it's NOT too expensive.  as a matter of fact, it pretty much cuts out take out food.  because you have NO idea what's going into your food.  so you won't spend money there.  or at sonic.  or anywhere else except your kitchen.  so, remember that when you're thinking it's too expensive.

i did so much research.  i googled paleo.  i pinned one million recipes on pinterest.  i read the entire internetS on it.  kidding.  but kinda for real.  i learned about almond flour.  and coconut oil.  and all things fat and fantastic.

and really, if i'm honest, i realized that chocolate would be acceptable as paleo once i got off whole 30. and that saved my life.  the darker the better.  awesome, child.

listen.  the first week, HORRIBLE.

i had the worst headache of my life.  i didn't go to bootcamp or do anything except survive for the first 10 days.  it was that bad.  from what i've read it was because my body was literally in shock.  had no idea what i had done to it.  and so it fought back.

i won though.

i eventually started working out again.  i eventually started feeling better (this took a solid 2 weeks).  and i eventually realized that i wasn't really hungry.

i mean, yes.  i was hungry.  but not like i had been hungry.

i rarely had cravings for anything.

all this to say...one month later, i'm still alive.

and i am actually in a totally different size pant.

YES.  what?  YES.

i don't know if i've lost weight.  because i don't weigh myself.  our scales don't even have working batteries.  i'm sure i have.  but that's not really what matters.

what matters is that i'm toned.  i can literally feel muscles and SEE muscles that i haven't seen in years.

every time i get dressed i feel like i'll not be able to button my pants.  and i'll realize that this was all just a joke.  but it wasn't.

it just took a little dedication.  and a change.  FOR THE BETTER.

if you're interested in learning more about it, let me know.  i'd love to share my experience with you.  i honestly had decided i was stuck.  and it would have been fine.  but i knew i could do it.  i knew i could be better.

and listen, this is nice.  because it's not some weird shake (by the way, you shouldn't really drink your calories or meals.  it's screws your mind up).  it's not a diet.  it's not a pill.  it's something that is easily doable (for you and your kids and spouse) for the rest of your life.

it's the way we were actually meant to eat.  unless, you're a vegetarian.  and i've got no beef with you.  no pun intended.  if i had to kill my meat, i'd be a vegetarian too.

anyway, a big thank you to clint who pushed me.  and held me accountable.  and was always willing to give up anything and everything just because he loves me.  i'm so lucky.

happy almost easter.

library superheroes.

we spend LOTS of time at the public library.

i remember first moving here (five days before pratt was born) and realizing how incredible our library was.  in 4.5 years, i've had 4 library cards.  and i bet i've paid 100 dollars in fines.  that's how much we go there.

so my friend katie russell asked us a while back if we wanted to have a little session at the library.  how could i ever say no to that?

i love pictures.
i love the library.

then she had the idea to dress pratt like one of his favorite people on earth: superman.  he was down for it.  obvs.

that was easy.

here are some pictures she took.  if you are anywhere near us, PLEASE call her and book a session.  she made this magic happen in like 25 minutes.  BIBLE.

oh, and if you look closely, clint gave max a haircut.  and apparently was wanting him to dress like slingblade for easter.  idk.  idk.  i.just.don't.know.

anyway, here is her facebook page.  Katie Russell Photography

dear pratt.

my dear baby pratt,

tonight you had your first tball game. you were so excited today when you realized it was tonight.

you asked to get dressed at like 330. for a 6 pm game. you were that excited.

you wore three shirts. two pants. and two socks. because we were worried it would be cold.

you are a super little hitter. you made it all around the basses. and even touched home plate for a point.

miss Erika, mr. Michael and lyla all came to support you and Ella. miss Laura, mr.
Paul, Katie and Chloe came too. I don't know of you'll remember or not, but it was so special for them to come and celebrate your first game.

oh, you were on second base. someone hit the ball and you weren't really paying attention. I looked up to see you dancing around second base like a butterfly. loved it! laughed so hard!!

me and your daddy were so very proud of how good you were. but mostly, as I told you at bedtime, im most proud of how well you got along with your teammates. because that's what life is all about. being kind to others. loving other people.

I'll say it again...I'm so proud you are my little boy.

today.

my friend jonathan shared this on facebook.

someday, my children/grandchildren are going to learn about today and tomorrow and think about it the way that i think about the day brown v. board was argued.  equality, folks.  it's happening.  one way or another. 

i loved it.  i could have never phrased anything so well.  so i'll just copy it here.  telling you boys that it was jonathan wright that said it.  same person who knew the story about the couple that drives into the lake when the wife finds out she is sick.  still can't remember what story it was...or who wrote it.  but it will always remain my favorite story from 10th/11th/12th grade high school english.

anyway.  nothing more to say than that.

thanks jonathan.

picture update.

my friend Katie did a superman/library shoot with the boys today. The pictures are so stinking cute. Here are a few I took.

Several couples went to Dallas Thursday night. The girls went to the maroon 5 concert. Then Friday we shopped and had dinner. Clint surprised me with an upgrade to our room. Sweet husband.

Max had his first stomach bug. Just as nasty as I remembered.

And clint taught the boys that "real ninjas" can fit inside tables. Apparently they are both real ninjas. Not so sure clint is. But they never seem to ask that :)

preacher.

Pratt: "hey mom, why does God make bad words if we aren't supposed to use them?"

Add "preacher" to the list of people I need living in my house for this child.

my advice for new moms.

a friend of mine messaged me this morning on facebook.

she's a little more than halfway through her first pregnancy.  and from the message, i can sense hesitation.  and fear.  excitement, for sure...but if i remember correctly, there is just an overwhelming sense of the unknown.

and as i wrote her back, it got me thinking about what i would say to a new mom.  a new mom who is expecting soon.  via her own belly.  or someone adopting.  doesn't matter how the kid gets here.  all that matters is what happens once they are left in your care.  remember that?

forgive yourself.  because you'll make so many mistakes.  you'll learn that some things work...and others don't.  nursing.  not nursing.  latching on.  the pain that makes your toes bend in ways you didn't think they could bend.

you'll spend money on fancy bottles only to realize that colic and fussiness has little to do with the bottle.

you'll cry.  and you'll laugh.  like minutes apart.  you'll feel crazy.  then you'll convince yourself this is all normal.  and that murdering your husband really does make the most sense.  because by god he really should be able to read your mind at this point.  and if he sleeps through one more night, you will cut him in his sleep.

you will experience the highest of highs.  you will look at this person that you created.  and you'll love your body like never before.  you'll appreciate your thighs.  and tummy.  and you'll feel a sense of power that was foreign to you.  you'll look at that baby and realize that you would literally kill someone with your bare hands should they ever try to hurt him or take him from you.  you will look at your husband think he's the best daddy.  the best husband.  and that somehow you are the luckiest person on planet earth.  and you'll post this to facebook.

you will at some point, be at your lowest.  maybe when you're watching your mother drive away.  and you think to yourself, "this is all really jacked up that someone thinks i, of all people, should be left to mother and care for another human being."  you will wonder what you ever saw in your husband.  yes, you love him.  but why does he not understand?  why does he say things like, "he's so tired. i bet he sleeps all night long tonight."  and you'll be all, "uh, hello.  you have no idea what being overtired means.  so just stop talking to me."  and you will reach out to girlfriends who aren't married and you will want them to promise you that a. they will never marry men.  and b.  they will never have children.  and at some point, you'll post this to facebook too.

you will learn to go potty in front of an audience.  you will learn to wipe with one hand while holding a baby.  you'll learn how to unbutton your pants while holding a baby.  and pull your pants down and up.  and wash your hands....ALL while holding another human being AND making sure fecal matter doesn't fly up and get in his face/mouth/sippy cup.

you'll realize that dirt really doesn't hurt.  and that pacifiers will hit the floor and you don't really have to have a wipe.  you really can just dip them in your water/tea/diet coke and give them back.  you'll find out that foam letters can be eaten by a 1 year old and that when they come out the other end, the body actually does NOT break them down.  a red A will still be a red A coming out.  no changes.

you will wonder where your body went.  and you'll be super pissed that you didn't appreciate your boobs/butt/thighs prior to the baby being born. and on this...get in those pictures.  don't step out because you're overweight.  or chubby.  or you have a zit.  stay in there.  be a part of those memories.  you'll be thankful later.  and trust me on this.  your child thinks you are the most beautiful person they know.  i promise.  so don't burden them with your self consciousness.  be bigger than that.

you'll realize that jumping on a trampoline and NOT peeing yourself isn't a given.  you'll learn that sneezing means you should wear depends.  unless you want to smell like a nursing home.

you will want to call your mom and apologize for being helpless for the first year of life.   and being trouble for the next 5 years.  and being ugly.  and manipulative.  and all those things.  and you'll cry. and probably beg her to come save you.

and about the saving part...don't be afraid to ask for help.  don't be afraid to admit defeat.  don't be afraid to wave the white flag.  or admit that it's been 3 days since you've had a shower because you can't figure out how to DO IT ALL.

understand/realize/accept that NO ONE has ever gotten through  motherhood/postpartum alone.  it's impossible.  just like it's impossible to explain to your husband that wearing his underwear just feels better.  he will look at you like you're crazy and say, "just keep them.  they are yours."  and that's cool.  because your butt might not fit into your underwear for a while.  or ever if you're like me.  because hips really do spread, damn it.

surround yourself with people who love you.  people who will ALWAYS love you.  people who won't remind you of the crazy crap you said when your kid had been screaming AT you for 3 solid months..for 90 SOLID DAYS.  let them love you.  let them bring you dinner.  let them hold your baby while you shower.  let them do whatever they are willing to do.  and hug them.  and say thank you.  and do the same for them when they need it.  because that's where God is.  He is in the love.  the kindness.  the friendships.  that's where we will find Him.

know that all things will come to pass.  there really is a light at the end of each tunnel.  that everything is really a phase.  the colic.  the fussiness.  the endless diapers.  the hell that is putting on a new crib sheet.  and yes, you actually WILL always cuss while doing this.

it will all end.  at some point, your 4 year old will beg that you not rub them down with baby lotion.  so go ahead and let your 1 year old put as much lotion as he wants all over his body.  and all over the clean changing table cover.  who cares.  one day, the smell of baby lotion will make you cry.  because you'll miss it.  you will.  believe me.  i know. i'm living it.

take the medicine.  go to therapy.  be honest.  it's good for you.  there is power in honesty.  there is love in humility.  and by being honest, we reach so many more.

ignore those who are telling you you're doing something the wrong way.  and listen...trust me on this...THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.  because true friends love you no matter what.  true friends don't care about nursing.  or sleeping.  or cosleeping.  true friends say things like, "you have to take care of yourself, hannah.  because if you aren't well....pratt will never be well.  so let's worry about you.  and let's tell everyone else to kiss your a."

that's what true friends say.  you can quote me on that.  give them my cell number.

get ready to see how God feels about you.  as His child.  because you have NO idea what love is...until you hold your baby in your arms.  that's a fact.

and in the end, in wrapping all this mess up, i stand by what i first said.

FORGIVE YOURSELF.

because you will make countless mistakes.  you will cry more times in your shower (so no one sees you) than you ever thought possible.  just promise to try again tomorrow.  promise to learn from your mistakes.  that's all we can do.

now go be happy.  and kind.  and hug your husband.  because he will get you through this when no one else is able.  you will realize that he really is the best.  and you really are the luckiest.  and know you are about to love like you didn't know possible.  so just get ready.

xoxo,
hannah.

dear boys.

dear boys,

when i was little, i thought my daddy (your pop pop) was THE smartest man ever.

i was right.

what i didn't know was that there was someone else out there maybe just as smart.

enter your daddy.

i have lots of questions.  about life.  about love.  about God.  about animals.  about plants.  about escrow accounts.  i could go on and on.  but you get it.

he answers all of my questions.  and rarely says, "i don't know".  don't get me wrong.  sometimes he says it.  but it's rare.  because usually he knows something about it.  even if it's just a small bit of information.

and so this morning something happened on the way to church.  and it bothered him so much that he thought about it all through church AND sunday school.  and on our way home for lunch, he had a great idea.

let me back up.

we were on our way to church when i remembered that i needed to give you, pratt, a dollar for sunday school.  for the offering plate.  when i gave it to you, you said, "is this all?  just one dollar?"

i immediately reached into my purse to get another dollar out when daddy stopped me.  not with words.  he simply placed his hand on mine.  and said,

pratt.  you need to understand something.  money is not infinite.  it doesn't grow on trees.  we only have so much.  so instead of asking for more, you should say thank you.  

you and i were both kind of confused.

i thought it was great that you were wanting to give more.  because that's what i've been trying to teach you.

but daddy was on to something.

he was trying to make you understand that one dollar was what you would give today.  to be used in some way our church deems important...and that we can't give you all the dollars we have.  because they will go other places.

apparently he thought about it for the next two hours.  because when we were on our way home he initiated a really wise plan.

you will get 5 dollars every single sunday.

1 dollar will need to go into the sunday school plate.
1 dollar will need to go into your piggy bank for savings.  this dollar cannot be taken out.

the remaining 3 dollars are yours.  for whatever you choose.  you can spend them all in one place.  you can save them too.  you can put them in the offering plate.  you can add them to money you have from last week.  whatever.  doesn't matter. they are yours.  BUT you won't get any extra money.  in the past, if we are heading to the dollar store, you've gotten one dollar to use.  that will no longer happen.  at least, i'll try to keep it from happening.

our hope is that you will learn several things.

one.  money doesn't grow on trees.  we only have so much.  you only have so much.
two.  when money is gone, it's really gone.  you can't get it back.  so
three.  saving money is important.  so, so important.
four.  giving money to those in need is so, so important.

i could go on and on.  but you get it.  or at least you will at some point.

max, no worries.  as soon as you realize how great dollar bills are, you'll get your 5 dollars too.

we love you boys to the moon and back.  but we want you to be smart.  and wise.  and grow up and realize what is important.  and more than anything else, we want you to be happy.  and i think, we think, this is a step towards happiness.

xoxo,
mommy and daddy

banana muffins. paleo style.

okay. I am a total snob when it comes to weird foods. like if its healthy, I'm always thinking in the back of my mind that I probably could make it better if it had more sugar. And butter. And cream.

okay. yes? You've been there?

well. Guess what. I've found a paleo recipe that is the best. banana muffins. Uh huh.

Here is what you need:

1.5 cups of almond meal/flour
1/4 tsp of baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp of baking soda

2 ripe bananas
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 tablespoons of coconut oil
1/4 cup maple syrup
A few shakes of cinnamon

In one bowl stir/fork all your dry ingredients. My experience is that almond meal can get lumpy. Break those up. Set aside.

In a second bowl, mash your banana. Then add your eggs and beat well with a fork. Then add all the rest and mix with your fork.

Pour the wet into the dry. Stir until combined. Don't over stir.

Get out your muffin tins and oil with coconut oil. Then pour in the batter. I usually get 7 muffins.

In a separate small bowl mix together 1 tablespoon of coconut oil, 1 tablespoon of maple syrup and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon. This is your cinnamon topping/drizzle.

Spoon a tiny amount of this mixture over the top of each muffin. Then, using a toothpick, swirl it into the batter.

Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes.

If you have any of the cinnamon topping left, you can pour it over the muffins when they are about 5 minutes away from being done. no swirling needed.

I usually start checking the doneness around 17 minutes. Once the toothpick comes out clean, they are ready!

The almond meal/flour, coconut oil and maple syrup are all at walmart and kroger.

Let me know what you think. I'm pretty sure you won't believe how awesome they are. With NO butter. Vegetable oil. Or white sugar!!!

big.

in ten days he will be officially 4.5 years old.

cry fest. 2013 can commence.

here he is practicing tball. and rocking his dog to sleep.

ring bearer.

Miss Amy from daddy's office asked Pratt to be the ring bearer in her wedding.

We love Amy. She might be one of the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful people ( inside and out) that we know.

Pratt was awesome! I cannot wait to see the pictures.

When we entered the room , I noticed his eyes watering. I asked about it and he told me that it was just so pretty. And he was so excited. Sweet boy.

After the wedding, nana and papaw took him to cirque du soleil. he loved it. spoiled rotten.