had you asked me yesterday if i had ever seen God, i would have said no.
i mean, i've seen what i think is God. like in people doing good. but never a face. i've never been able to put a face with a name.
but that all changed at the walmarts today.
so the boys and i are headed in when i look up at the sky. i realize that it's stormy looking. dark. cloudy. so i decide that i probably should get the umbrella.
we shop. and buy a ridiculous goldfish towel that was almost 8 dollars for the beach.
we get to the exit and i realize that it's sprinkling. so i put pratt beside max. his legs are hanging over. but they both loved it. we may shop this way from now on. anywho. pratt holds the umbrella and i take the front of the buggy and direct it to the car. getting pretty wet.
by the time we get to the car, it's raining hard. so i grab max first. put him in his seat. then pratt. i only have one door open. pratt walks past max to get in his seat. now. i'm testing max's seat to see if we can drive with his seat reclined to the beach in a few days. so he's all kicked back.
i tell pratt to buckle up. and close the door. he's the bomb. he does both of those things. closes max's door. and buckles himself in.
max starts to fuss as i'm buckling him in. it's way passed his naptime. he grabs the keys from my mouth. and i don't protest because i feel bad for him.
i open the passenger front door and put all my bags in. and my wallet. and my phone.
and i shut the door.
i'm walking around the car when i hear, "honk honk". and i know immediately what has happened.
by this time, it's raining. like really, really raining. like think noah. and the boat. and well...all that.
i walk over to my door and look down at my lock.
locked. totally down. totally locked out of my car.
in the pouring down rain.
both boys in their seats. strapped in. keys inside. with max. phone inside. wallet inside. raining. wet. sopping wet.
you know how monica yelled, "NO!!!!" when she realized that she had left the "breezy" message on richard's answering machine!?!? well. that was the no i yelled.
pratt immediately realizes what has happened. tears fill his eyes.
i try to joke with him. standing there in the rain. i'm all, "hey p! it's okay. daddy has the spare key. this is like a spy game. you talk through the window. and i'll spy on max."
i'm going 90 to nothing trying to think of what to do next. i can't leave the car because they are both inside it. but i have no way of calling clint.
i'm there a solid 8 minutes trying to teach pratt to unbuckle his seatbelt on his carseat. which was a futile point because let's be honest...he shouldn't be able to do that. because if he could, how good would the carseat belt be!!!? i didn't think he could do it. but what other options did i have. i couldn't leave them. i couldn't just walk away to go in the walmarts. so i just stood there. trying to see into the window, screaming so he could hear me. but trying to keep my voice full of calmness so that he didn't think i was panicking. even thought i was totally about to cry. it's all, "take your left hand and squeeze!! yes! now...take your right hand and push!"
so he's pushing so hard. trying so hard. crying so hard.
meanwhile, max is like a damn harlem globetrotter swinging that key ring on his right pointer finger. giggling his chubby boy giggle. like, i swear he would look at me, swing the key. throw his head back and laugh.
he has NEVER sat in that carseat for 8 minutes without screaming his face off. but not this time. nope. he's full out laughing.
finally God shows up. and she asks if she can help.
i'm sopping wet. and i wanted to hug God around her neck. instead i said, "yes m'am. you can. do you have a cell phone i could use??"
she did. God uses a nokia. not an iphone.
i called clint's office. begged sheila to talk to clint. he gets on the phone and says he will help. he will go get my spare.
God tries to stay by my side. but i told her to just go inside. that there was no point in both of us getting wet. by this time, i was drenched. like my hair was wet. i was shaking i was so cold. my shoes were squeaking everytime i moved.
and there sat max. the harlem globetrotter. swinging the dang keys. pratt was still trying to hard to get out of his carseat. he would scream, "max! give me the keys!!!! now max!!!" and max would belly laugh and swing the keys.
apparently God went into the walmarts and said a prayer. because about a minute later, max switches the keys from his right hand to his left. and pratt reached over and grabbed them.
i was like a crazy person screaming, "both hands!!! grab them with both hands!!!! don't drop them!!"
pratt got them. (still sobbing). pressed the unlock button and i jumped in.
i start laughing like a hyena and pratt says (still sobbing), "i fink i'm superman, mom!"
i agreed. and then told him that he could have anything he wanted the rest of the day because he's a superhero. for sure.
lesson to be learned: never let a baby get your keys unless you keep one door open at all times.
today i lost 10 years from my life. so did pratt.
this doesn't do my feet justice. but i was soaking wet. for reals.