tjmaxx.

yesterday i took my kids to tjmaxx.

i know.

i don't know.  i have no idea what i was thinking.

wait.  i was thinking i needed a swimsuit for the b.hamas (as pratt calls it) and i only had 2 days to get one.  and i refuse to pay 120 bucks at dillards.  i knew they had one last year that i bought for like 30.  so off we went.

i took them to chick fil a first.  it's funny because i used to worry about taking pratt there.  because i was always worried he would throw a fit about leaving.  he doesn't do that now.  it's heaven.  so we ate and played and then loaded up across the parking lot to the tjmaxx.

well.  first, i let pratt walk instead of riding in the buggy.  because that thing is tiny.

he kept running through the clothes.  because he's that height.  so that was super horrible.  trying to look for clothes, make sure he didn't get kidnapped and keep max happy was hard.  really, really, really hard.

at one point i actually said, "pratt.  someone is going to take you if you keep running away.  and they aren't gonna be nice.  they won't get you snocones.  and you won't have little b.  so run away if you want.  but i'd advice against it."

for the next 3 minutes he was right by my side.  terrified.  because i'm an awesome mom.  but then he forgot about the i've got ice cream, little boy, man and he circled the clothes again.

finally we got the dressing room.

i had several swimsuits to try on.  which is depressing enough.

i convinced him to take his shorts off and try on some shorts i had gotten for him.  finally, like 3 minutes later (after he made every face in his repertoire to the 3 way mirror) he took off ALL his clothes.  i don't know how he did it without me seeing.  but all of a sudden, i turn around and he's butt naked.  shaking it. screaming, "wook mom!  wook at me!"  i'll stop there.  but yes.  uh huh.

so i asked him to please put his undies back on.  at that, he sat on the floor.  yes.  the bare, concrete floor of the tjmaxx dressing room.

which of course, prompted a good ole', "mom!  this floor is so cold on my penis!" and then he would just fall out laughing.  it was then i heard a lady next to us, giggle.  awesome.

after getting his underwear on,  he tried the shorts on which were of course too big.  i'm still frantically trying to keep max from jumping out of the buggy AND try clothes on.  it was then i cussed every woman who has a job and can do this crap on her lunchbreak.  i'm so jealous.

at some point, i asked him to sing a song.  i suggest "jesus loves me" to which he replied, "i don't know that one."  yes he does.

but before i could remind him that yes, in fact, he does know it well, he says, "i know this one..." and proceeds to sing katy perry.

this is the part of me 
that you never ever take away from me
oh this is the part of me!!!!1
part of me!!!!


i was so embarrassed.  i stopped him.  and forced "jesus loves the little children".  which he agreed to.  thankfully.

he did well for a few minutes and then he asked, "why does your skin stick out like that, momma?"

he was referring to my butt sticking out of the swimsuit at the leg hole.  because well, you know.  why not?

and at that, i called it a day.  and i allllllmost stopped at a liquor store on the way home.  but i didn't.  go, me.