meet and greet.

As he was walking into the hospital this morning, he said in his sweet little voice, "I'm so excited!!"







He loves her already. How could you not. He kept touching her nose and mouth and talking baby talk to her.







Sweet angel baby.

Let the mani/pedi parties begin!!! So excited about doing girl things!!

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introducing Liza.

We played with playdoh waiting on the baby.




Tony Horton wanted to be in on it. That was fitting.




Pratt finally gave it up. And took a nap in hopes of her arriving sooner.




Here she is! Eliza Kate Knox. 8 pounds, 1 ounce. 20 inches.




To kill time afterwards, Pratt and I took a trip to Walmart. Then went and got ice cream.




And then a pizza at subway ;)




He finally got to see her.




Her first bath.




We love her already.

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new baby.

today my little, baby sister becomes a mom.

It seems like just yesterday we were taping up nkotb posters in our bathroom.

I can hardly wait to meet this little baby girl. Tyler and spencer will never be the same.

And yes, I've been crying since I put my seatbelt on to head to eldorado.


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yep.

As my friend robin said, "Clint and max are twins. Pratt and your dad are twins."




True that, robin.
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Liza.

Pratt yelled into Spencer's mouth, "Liza!!!!!!".

Hilarious.




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eureka!

i just heard sandra bullock talk about parenthood.  motherhood.  and she said something about how the way you feel now (being with a child, being a mother, parent) makes you wonder if previously...you weren't "emotionally dead".

i couldn't have said it better myself.

i haven't ever been able to put my finger on that feeling.  but i've often talked around it.  i've said that i don't know what i did before pratt and max.  that i don't know what mattered to me.  or what i loved to do.

i have also said that i wasn't ever really tired.  or ever really worried.  etc, etc.

but that's it.  before september 13th of 2008, i was emotionally dead.  i mean, sure i loved peanut butter.  and i loved barnes & noble.  and i loved the feeling of getting into a cold bed.  with cold sheets.  and getting warm.  and sleeping.  and i loved taking trips.  and school.  and being at my parents house.

and most importantly, i loved my husband.

but the way i love him now, after the boys...it's just different.  it's deeper.  it's more meaningful.  it's heavier.  it's more all encompassing.

and the way i love all those other things, that love has changed with their presence.  i love going to my parent's house now more than ever.  because they go too.  and they get to experience how great a place it is.  how warm.  and homey.  and full of goodies.  a cold bed is much more fun with pratt snuggled up next to me.  barnes & noble is much more fun when heading in for a day of playing at the train table.

so i guess "dead" might not be accurate.

but i was definitely not as alive as i am now.

praise the Lord for my recognition of this.  praise the Lord for the three most important boys in my life.
i'm so blessed.

sleep.

sleep is as important to me as sonic drinks are.  happy hour one AND happy hour two has seriously been the best christmas present a girl could ever dream of.

so having max learn to self soothe has been like heaven on earth over here.

pratt did it right at 4 months.  it took one night.  looking back, i should have known that was way too easy. but i didn't.

so along comes screamer mcscreamerson and well, my whole world was flipped upside down. i really thought i would know what to do.  know when he was sleepy.  be able to sleep train him early.  and do it right the first time.

but no.  colic is a b.

max can scream for hours without breaking a sweat, tear, etc.  it's nothing for him to just scream.  i don't know what he's communicating from it.  because he's not in pain, at least, i don't think so.  he's just not happy.  and wants to be held.  so he can be fussy in your arms.  and not fussy in his bed.

i was quick to go to him when he would wake up and scream because pratt's room is right across the hall and i didn't want him to wake him.

so i wasn't as consistent as i should have been.

no, that's a lie.  i wasn't consistent at all.

until a week ago.  i decided he was 7 months old.  and that he needed sleep.  good, consolidated, uninterrupted sleep.

it took a few days.  maybe 3 or 4.  i never really let him cry for long.  i would go in, rub his back and sing to him.  naps have always been the hardest for him.  at bedtime, he would usually fall asleep while being rocked.  but not at naptime.  he has ALWAYS fought naps.

the last few days he has been waking around 5.  i go in, change his diaper.  turn his sound machine back on.  flip him on his belly.  put in his pacifier and he falls to sleep.

sleeps until around 7.  wakes, eats food.  takes a bottle.  sleeps around 9.  yesterday he slept from 9 until 1115.  he was up until 2.  slept from 2 until 5.  i think he went to sleep around 715.

he woke a bit ago at 540.  i did the same thing.  i know weissbluth says don't go to them before 6, but his diaper is so wet.  i can't stand the thought of him trying to sleep with it on.

so i think we're on to something.  and i just couldn't be happier.

so if you're in the midst of colic or sleep deprivation, know this: it will get better.  as modg said, "i've learned that everything is a phase."  true that.

will and grace.

the following conversation could be heard this morning on the way to sonic (happy hour one).

p: hey mommy, daddy tode me that some snakes bite.  but some snakes don't bite.  i need to know why.  wook it up on that b.pewter (computer/iphone) of yours and wet me know what you find out.  fanks.

of note: he doesn't breathe at any point in that sentence.  he takes a breath, then shakes that off, then takes another breath, then closes his mouth.  and waits.  waits on me to google it.  after all, that's what he's talking about.  google.  he wants me to google it.

because i google everything.  which reminds me that i must remember those child encyclopedias next time i'm at mom and dad's.  because he will love them.

anywho.  back to the conversation...

h: well, i'm driving right now.  but i'll google it when we get home.  k?

p: okay.  then let's whyme (rhyme) something.  how 'bout...how 'bout we whyme houses.

i can't remember if i've talked about the rhyme game.  we pick a topic, or a "suject" as pratt says.  he picks it.  then i give clues.  and a word that rhymes with the answer.

h: okay. houses.  um, this is the top of a house.  it provides shelter and it rhymes w-

p: a woof!!! a woof!!! got it.  next one.  next one, mom.  whyme another mom.

still, no breathing.  just straight talking.

h: okay.  this is the room in the house where you make meals. it rhy-

p: a kitchen!  next one, pwease.

h: why don't you wait on me to give you a rhyming word.  otherwise, this is just like jeopardy.  and we should change the name of the game.

p: what's jeopardy?

h: a game show.

p: wike the wheel?  (wheel of fortune.  totally embarrassing.  but we watch it every single night.)

h: yes, like wheel.  okay. anyway, next.  this is a room in house whe--

p: mudroom! 


just call us will and grace.  seriously.

seven months.

i don't know how it happened.  i really don't.  at some point, time flew and this little boy turned seven months old.

i'm trying so hard to really let all the chaos sink in.  i'm trying not to flip out when it's 9 pm and i haven't even had a chance to pee.  i try to remember that one day i will wish that i had something to do that involved a baby and a 3 year old.

i was putting shoes up in the mudroom the other day.  they are scattered along the floor.  not where they are supposed to be.  as i bent to retrieve one, it hit me that all too soon that shoe won't be there.  i almost threw up i got so upset.  and the craziest part is that that night, i was watching some horrible reality show (maybe a housewives one?) and the woman said something about shoes on the floor.  and how they drive you crazy...but then one day you start to miss them.  and you want them back.  and that's when i full on starting crying.  sobbing.  wishing i was pregnant with my 16th kid.

max is great.  he's happy.  he's healthy...well, not really.  he has the p.neumonia.  and an ear infection.  but we're getting over it quickly.  he hasn't had fever since monday morning. so that's good.  he weighs 20 pounds.  i don't know how long he is.  he's in 12 to 18 month clothing.  and he has the chubbiest food you have ever seen.  it won't fit in normal shoes.  like, idk.

he eats 2 to 3 meals a day.  usually a banana with cinnamon and oatmeal for breakfast.  maybe raspberries and oatmeal.  he takes a bottle every 4 hours.  still on soy.  i'm pretty sure he doesn't have a lactose allergy, but i'm not changing anything.  we will see at a year.  he eats a veggie for lunch.  and usually a veggie and fruit at dinner.  so far, he's eaten brocolli, quinoa, avocado, edamame, squash, butternut squash, acorn squash, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, green peas, green beans, carrots, zucchini, cauliflower and asparagus.  fruits include: mango, banana, peach, blueberry, raspberry, prunes, apricot, and apple.  and pears.  of course pears with the soy.

i'm trying to cover all my bases on the veggies.  so that when he gets a little older, the tastes aren't new.  that way he will hopefully eat them with us at dinner.  when he gets teeth.  i think this is why pratt loves vegetables as much as he does.  but i don't know.  and max, i think, would eat anything at this point.  he loves to eat.  i do too.  he gets it honestly.

before the pneumonia thing, i was really trying to work on sleep.  he has been sleeping like pratt did.  pratt really did self soothe around 4 months.  i totally forced it at that point, but it was easy with him.  i didn't think it had been easy with max until i really sat down and thought about it.  i think it's my fault.  i haven't been as consistent with him.  i'm always worried his crying will wake pratt.  and so i run to him at the first sound of a whimper.  from what i have read this is common with the second child.

he's so much bigger than pratt and so i convinced myself that he really was hungry at 1 am and 3 am and again at 430 am.  but he's not.  he's just not.  i mean, sure he might could eat.  couldn't we all?  but he doesn't need it.  and it's at the point where he's not getting the good, consistent, consolidated sleep that he needs.  and so i had to realize that.  and really plan on sticking with helping him to self soothe.  he's a colic baby.  and they really are SO VERY DIFFERENT.  like, he could scream for 3 solid hours and never break a sweat.  never even pop a tear.  just scream.  like pratt can talk...max can scream.  nothing but a g thing.  for reals.

but i think we're close.  the last few naps, he's whimpered for a few minutes then plays in his crib and falls asleep.  and i'm trying not to get him up before 6 am.  unless of course something is wrong.  i do change his diaper and flip him on his belly and insert his pacifier at 5.  because i don't know how anyone falls asleep with a pee diaper.  ugh.

long road to a small house: he's happy.  he's healthy.  he's loved.

oh, the love part.  his brother loves him.  in the mornings, pratt will say, "put max up here by me.  i'll love him."  it melts my heart.  max is totally smitten with pratt.  and pratt loves him right back.  praise the Lord for this.  i really think that this was God's way of helping me through the colic.  i do.  i seriously do. because during those 121 days, pratt never was ugly about the screaming.  wait, he did pop him on the head once.  but just once.

those odds are awesome.

we are so blessed. may i never, ever forget that.

happy week!




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monday.

yesterday brought a first for me.  an ear infection diagnosis AND PNEUMONIA FOR MAX.

what!?  are you flipping out?  yes.  me too. me too.  i might have cried when the pediatrician came in.  she was listening to his chest and said, "does he got to daycare?".  i knew then.  i said, "no.  his brother goes to mothers day out.  and his dad works at kool smiles every friday.  and they are both dirty."

she laughed.  i said, "is it rsv?"

doctor: "well....that thought crossed my mind.  but so did pneumonia."

cue the crying.  cue the "i'm the worst mom ever.  you would think that after two kids i would know when one was sick.  someone should take them away from me.  next thing you know i'll be smoking in the car with them WHILE THE WINDOWS ARE ROLLED UP. "

here is max. shortly after the visit/breathing treatment.

and here he is today.  after 2 doses of antibiotic.  

brother is well.  we made christmas cupcakes last night.  and set up his second tree.  this one is not real.  and has ornaments from cookie's house.  and i remember every.single.one. of them from childhood.  that's pretty awesome.  

christmas is the best.  hands down.  

clint.

sometimes I forget how handsome my husband is.




and then I remember.

Maybe it's him kissing max. Or maybe it's his dark hair and dark glasses. Or maybe it's his wedding ring.

Idk. But he's handsome. And that little boy he's holding looks just like him.

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too fast.

it's going by so fast. time, that is.










And as crazy as these days seem, I wouldn't change anything at all. (I keep repeating this over and over again ;)

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first.

our first snow. our house looks even prettier with it. daddy does such a good job with the decorations.



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sunday morning.

Just reading. Before church. Before clothes. You know, the typical.



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family.

There are days when I wish with all my heart that my mom and dad lived across the street. And that Spencer lived there too (with Tyler of course).

Bad days are always made better by their presence.



















A few weeks ago I went home. Just me and the kids. Max didn't sleep well and woke around 2 am. I had a pretty bad breakdown.

Mom and dad stepped in and took over. Just like parents do. No judging. No hesitation. Just help.

I love them both so much.

I hope I'm half the parent they are. Oh I hope, I hope.

Anywho. Being around them today helped me to come home and keep pushing. Even through the really hard, sad days.







I love you mom, dad and Spencer. Sorry I don't say it more often.

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my p.

i'm listening to the giggle of my 3 year old.  he's watching rio with his daddy.  sitting in his own chair.  with his b and daddy's blanket.  just laughing away.

i don't know when he got to be so old.  dad cut his hair last night.  and all my mom could say when she saw him today was, "how did he grow up in a week?".  it's true.  he seems so grown up.

he helped clint today outside.  they ran errands this morning.  and then he helped clint cut trees up for firewood.  clint made the comment that he is "just the best".  and it's true.  he really is.

he tests limits these days like crazy.  but i always try to remember what my friend said about that.  about how we, as adults, have those days too.  but we know to control our emotions.  and they don't.

he loves playing games with me in the car.  rhyming games.  guessing games.  he picks a "subject" or a "category" and then i give hints.  he still loves nothing more than snuggling up in my lap to be close.  he loves to feed yoda.  he loves to make max laugh.  and he loves to pillow fight with daddy.

he's such a boy.  he makes a mess of the bathroom.  but he always puts his dirty clothes in his hamper.  his room will have toys everywhere, all over the floor, but his clothes are put up.

i'm trying to enjoy these days.  even though i feel so drained at 715 when max goes down.  but i know these days are passing by so fast.  and i don't want to miss anything.  not a single thing.  i don't want to miss any of his questions. like, "what's an aisle, mommy?" or "does my nose have a bone in it or just fartledge?"

i love him so much.  and honestly cannot remember what my life was like before him.

most of all, i can't remember what i did before him.  i can't believe i ever thought i was really ever tired.  what a silly little girl i was...

max.

He's sitting up like a big boy. All grown up.




Anything we eat or drink, max would like to try.

Mom brought cinnamon puffs NY today and they were no exception.




All you who are having HAs because of this, relax. He didn't eat the entire thing. Just small pinches.

A lot of small pinches...

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from the desk of...

johnny brought a note back from santa for pratt.

it mentioned that he would see him tomorrow.  at the fire station.

it's safe to say that it was the straw that broke the camel's back.








if he wasn't weirded out before...he is now.

the bieb.

His new haircut makes him look like Justin Bieber.




Right?! Right?!

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our days.

Pratt told me that I had been asking what he and daddy wanted. Now it was my turn to tell him what I wanted. And he would write it down. Such a sweet, thoughtful baby.














Getting a good footprint from max is impossible. Seriously.




Reading all alone. Because he is my twin.









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love.

He loves headbands. And grapes. But not in that order.







One day he will have really long, curly hair and will be using that same headband to hold it back. And some silly girl will think he's so cute. I'm not gonna like her. I really won't.

She will not be good enough.

I already know it.

boo.

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best days.

there are days when i complain about the behavior of certain people in my house.  people younger than 10 years of age.

and so i need to document these few things because i know when he's gone to college, i'll read this and cry.  and i want to remember as much as i can.

two sundays ago, we were at my parent's church in camden.  pratt knows the preacher well.  his name is buddy.  he's really comfortable with buddy.  think, best pals.  i had heard from mom and dad that several weeks ago, he sang a song for some of the congregation.  and he wasn't shy at all.  and so i was prepared last week for him to talk buddy's face off during children's church.

p never lets me down.  he did just that.

somehow they got to talking about people they wanted to be like.  pratt spoke up, louder than the other kids, and said he wanted to be just like his mommy.

i immediately dropped my head down.

one, because i knew i was going to get teary eyed.  and i didn't want anyone to see me.

and two, because i was worried about what he might continue to say.  you know, like..."i want to be like my mommy because she sits to pee" or "i want to be like mommy because she can say bad words that i can't say".  there are so many possibilities.

anyway, it was sweet.  and loving.  and so honest.

but it didn't stop there.

a few minutes later he went on to tell buddy (and the rest of the church) that his mommy loved him to the moon and back.

and for a split second, i was proud of the parent that i am.  (or that i am on good days).  it wasn't so much about me...and the parent i am...but more that i was consistent.  and i was proud of that.  because if there is anything i am not...it's consistent.  but this seems so important.  such an important place to try to be consistent.  i tell him DAILY that there is nothing he could ever do to keep me from loving him.  and that i really do love him to the moon and back.  and sure, i stole it from that book but i've never had an original thought.  and if you have, then you shouldn't really be reading this stupid blog.  instead, you should be publishing something incredible.  and you should forget about me and my rambling.

tonight i was throwing the ball to pratt.  clint was watching us.  pratt was doing so good.  he's actually got a really good arm.  and i kept bragging about him to clint.

and so clint gave him a thumbs up.  and when he did it, pratt just beamed.  and so innocently and sweet gave clint the same thumbs up right back.

freeze time.  i wish someone would freeze time.

these are for sure the best days of my life.  i can't imagine what life will be like when max is old enough to talk.  my heart might literally burst out of my chest.

for reals.

his first.

I think this is going to be the first year he really loves this time of year.

That's good.

Because his daddy and I loooove it so.







He was quite the helper with the ornaments. On the agenda tonight, a popcorn garland for his tree.

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