my husband.

my dad has always said that after you have children, the love you have for your spouse changes. he never was really able to describe this to me. it was more of that "you'll know when it happens to you" kind of thing.

it's happened.

sixteen days in, and it's happened.

i'm not sure when. i can't really put my finger on it. i just know that it has.
one day we were in the nicu visiting pratt. clint was holding him and i was standing over next to pratt's roomie. another little baby in the nicu. he was upset and i had gone over to try to talk to him to soothe him. i remember it like it was yesterday. clint was holding pratt and looked up at me and said, "my papaw once said that when his first child was born he loved my mamaw more than he ever had before". i commented that that was so sweet. and he said, "i realize now what he meant. i think i love you now, more than i ever have before."

it's true. the way i feel about him is different. we haven't had an argument since we've been home. don't get me wrong, i know that one will come one day. probably sooner, rather than later. but this is what we need right now. this bonding. this time for our little family to be together.

he is so good with pratt. wants to hold him and feed him. this morning i went down to warm up a bottle and came back and pratt was asleep on his chest in our bed. i tried to take a picture, but as soon as i got it out, clint woke up and i knew he wouldn't let me.

i don't pretend to know what i'm doing. this is still all very new to me. but i've realized that i haven't made any tragic mistake yet. (at least not that i know of...psychology might reveal something very different in the years to come :)

and having clint next to me, telling me that i'm doing a good job, is exactly what this is all about. i'm not sure how "good" i'm doing...but i'm trying. and it's easier to do it when i have him next to me.

so thank you clint for all the love you've showered me with recently.

we are so very lucky to have you.