thoughts this am.

1. pratt is a total morning person. i don't know who he gets this from. it must be me because his dad is so not a morning person. i don't think of myself as one...but i guess i am moreso than clint. pratt wakes and as soon as he sees your face, he grins his big grin where his eyes close. it's pretty great.

2. i spooked myself last night watching "the first 48". i love true crime shows. always have. when i was a kid, i'd get on the couch, get snacks and a coke on the coffee table within my reach, wrap a blanket around myself (think...snug as a bug in a rug)...all in preparation for "unsolved mysteries". i would watch and be so scared. my parents house has a gazillion windows in the front. with no curtains. and for the longest time, no blinds. and i'd lay there and watch that...scared of who was looking in on me. but i kept doing it...every single week.

anyway, last night i watched an episode that took place in memphis. i lived in memphis for 2 years...or 1.5. something like that. i was always scared there. clint made me that way. i remember we thought mud island was safe...and then clint's best friend had his car stolen right in front of him one night.

4 adults and 2 kids were murdered in one house. and 3 other kids were in the hospital from their injuries that night. i love the show. i love the narrator. i wish he'd narrate my life. like in that will ferrell movie. "stranger than fiction". the guy has a really deep voice.

i was terrified the entire time i was watching it. clint was asleep...and i just layed there. looking out our bedroom door. cutting my eyes that way. i'm nuts.

anyway, turns out it was the brother of the murdered guy who killed everyone. one of the females detectives spoke to the 9 year old son while he was in le bonheur. he finally was able to talk. and when she asked him who stabbed him, he said, "junior". i gasped. junior was in protective custody with the rest of the family. because the detectives/cops thought that what was taking place was a "blackout". that's when a member of the gang does something that deserves punishment...and what ends up happening is that the entire family is wiped out.

junior admits to what he's done. he was a young black guy. 33. he had just been released from prison for murder. he'd been in there 14 years. nearly half of his life. and he was about to be going back.

he tells the detective...."i wanna see my momma." that's when i started crying. he was so soft spoken about it.

they bring his mom in. she's sitting on the opposite side of the table as him. they are holding hands. and he tells her that he's killed her other son, and her grandkids. and she keeps looking at him. grasping his hands. he apologizes to her. she starts crying. but never lets go of his hands.

at that point, i went and got pratt out of his bed and brought him to our bed. neither of us slept. neither of us were comfortable. he wanted to be in his bed, i'm sure...but i couldn't let him sleep alone.

what happens for our kids to kill their own family? what happens to them to kill anyone? what goes wrong? society? family? what? another thing that i couldn't get over was his race. he was a young black man. and family is so important to them. not that it's not important to me, being white. but family was so much of what black people had for such a long time. you held onto that. what happens for you to turn against them?

i felt sorry for the guy. but more than that, my heart broke for his mom. a mom who was now losing two sons. a daughter in law. and 3 grandchildren.

and on a much lighter note...

3. it only takes me 3 wipes to clean a dirty diaper. this is amazing people. in the beginning it took me...oh, i'd say 10. maybe 12. i'm down to 3 good ones...and then a 4th just to check. you know, that's the one i look at. to make sure he's good and clean. you know you all look at the toilet paper...don't even try to lie.

4. i had a dream last night that bob harper from the biggest loser showed up at my front door. this is weird. not because i don't love him....but because if i could chose, i'd pick jillian. i love how she says, "i don't care about your family, about your kids...about your jobs. the only think i care about is getting your butt smaller!". but she doesn't say "butt". bob brought me socks in my dream. and said he was going to take me to get new tennis shoes. this was exciting to me. i complimented him on his all-stars.

and finally...most importantly...

5. the razorbacks beat texas last night. basketball. i couldn't watch the entire game. once fortson and washington were taken out for fouls, i stopped watching. i'm a nervous wreck with sporting events. i mean, remember that time agassi won the french open. and as he fell to the ground...that clay court...i did too. i fell to the carpet and puked. yes, puked. i was a nervous wreck that entire match. so i came in on the razorback game with about 2 minutes left. it was great. a wonderful game. go hogs!