dear pratt.

dear pratt,

tomorrow we will go to the doctor for your four month appointment.

i cannot believe you have been with us for four months already.

i was putting you to bed tonight, and as i stood there swaying you back and forth, i couldn’t help but notice how big you are. your torso fits around my waist. your legs wrap easily around my right side. and your little head fits perfectly in the crook of my left arm.

you smell like a baby, but you laugh like an adult. you watch me and your dad to see when we will look at you. and when we do, you smile from ear to ear. so much so that your little eyes close up sometimes.

we never knew the happiness that would come with having a baby. had we known, we would have gotten married long ago. this is saying soooo much. one day i’ll tell you the story of how it took your dad years to ask me to marry him. i’ll tell you about how i threatened to break up with him many a time. this doesn’t work. so never try it. it just makes everything worse. as my dad told me so many times, “han, you don’t want someone to marry you because you threatened to break up with them. because times will get hard…and in those hard times, you will need to know that he wanted to be with you. and that he’s not with you because you forced it.” my dad is such a smart and wise man.

today you held your rattle all by yourself. and you deliberately took it in your left hand, looked at it, and then put it in your mouth.

you have become quite the little sleeper. and when you wake from a nap, you will sort of “play” in your crib all alone. this, for some reason, causes me to rush in there and get you up as quickly as i can.

you still love to sleep with both arms up above your head. you love your jumper. you LOVE dr. seuss. something about the rhymes, i guess. i think it would be great for you to grow up to be a writer.

you love to be naked. i’m not sure what this means. but i’m cool with it.

you have taught me patience. something i never thought i’d have. well, i don’t “have” all of it…but i’m working on it. you have reminded me of blessings.

the other day on npr they were talking about the number of atheists in america. and they said that according to research, having a child will often be the reason someone goes from being an atheist to being a believer. i get it. that makes total sense to me. to me, you could not have “just happened”. your little fingers. and toes. they didn’t just happen. they were formed. by Someone much, much bigger than me or you.

so many times in my life, people have told me to hold onto the moment. because it’s fleeting. because time flies. i’ve never listened. but i’m listening now. i understand now.

our house isn’t always clean. some nights your dad and i eat cereal for dinner. and i have been known to wear pajama pants two or three times before washing them. but i can honestly say this is because spending time with you is what we prefer to do. hopefully soon i’ll have this all figured out. and i’ll manage my time better. i don’t really want you to ever be the smelly kid in class. so i promise i’ll always try to wash your clothes :)

we love you. we always will. no matter what.