two month stats.

i never realized how true it is...but time really does fly with little babies. it seems like just yesterday i was nervous with him. nervous about putting his arms into sleeves, nervous about changing his diapers, about giving him baths. about it all. because he was so small. and now he seems so big. i know he's not...but 12 pounds is so different than 8. and he seems so long now. when he sits on my lap, and my legs are crossed, his legs hang over my legs.

as i said in the last post, he is 24.5 inches long. he weighs 12.5 pounds. he is so long that we've had to take out his head support thing in the carseat. but he's not yet old enough to have complete control over his head...so at times, he looks like he might have the worst crick ever. usually, we roll a blanket up to support his neck/head. we've had to let out the carseat straps to fit him. he really is getting so big.

he laughs. he smiles. he giggles. clint heard it yesterday. so i'm not crazy...he really is doing it. i thought i having more auditory hallucinations. but it seems i'm not. he smiles and it just completely melts our hearts. i could watch that gummy smile all day long. he seems to be happiest when he is just up from a nap and has a clean, fresh diaper on. and after he's eaten.

we've gotten into a pretty good routine. i'm not strict about it...because i'm not that disciplined. but he usually gets up around 6 and is hungry. he's taking 4 ounces. clint gets up and feeds him. and then he falls back asleep in his swing. he's eating every 3 hours...unless he's sleeping through it. but that's becoming less common. the past few nights, he has gone to sleep around 10 and wakes at 245. then asleep again with no problem until 6. it will make my year when he sleeps through the night. but i feel so guilty because i'll be so tired and not want to get up...but then as soon as i do, he will smile at me, and i feel horrible for being so selfish.

he has this uncanny ability to know when i'm in the shower. or when i'm just about to dry my hair. because that's when he wakes up and screams. it usually takes two naps for me to get completely ready. and it doesn't take much for me to be ready. but somehow, he knows and i think he thinks it's funny to wake up right when i'm halfway done.

he L-O-V-E-S his swing. he loves his soothie pacifier, unless you're trying to trick him into believing it's his bottle...and then he shakes his head back and forth so that you can't keep it in his mouth. he loves his infantino elephant on his carseat. he stares at it like he has never seen anything quite so intriguing in all his life. his eyes are open really wide and he doesn't blink. almost like the heavens gate cult that put on their nikes and drank the kool-aid.

he loves clint and is so relaxed around him. he still kicks like a mule. both when he's happy and mad. i'm pretty sure he knows me. which is really nice. really, really nice. it seems as though God knows when you need those kind of things. i think He really does. i needed that more than anything. it's so nice to be here with him all day, and him realize that i'm his mom. being able to talk to him, whisper to him, and have him calm down...it's one of the greatest feelings i've ever felt.

and finally, pratt has completely changed clint and my relationship. i just thought we knew how to communicate before him. but it's totally different now. we had a very easy marriage before. i had heard from many people how hard the first year of marriage was. ours really wasn't. it's hard now. not because we don't love each other...but because i find myself having to really work at balancing my time with pratt...with my time with clint. as i said to someone this weekend, "i don't want to wake up 18 years from now and think, i don't even know clint anymore."

i think that this is what's been the hardest for me. not the knowing how to take care of the baby. because that's all really innate. but knowing how to be both a wife...and a mother. and do both successfully. i fail everyday, it seems.

i realize now, more than ever, how important it is to have Christ as the center of the relationship. as someone said to us when we got married, "a threefold cord cannot easily be broken."

my prayer most days is for clint to know that i'm trying. i really am.

and lately, it feels like my bad days are fewer and far between. maybe i'm getting used to the chaos...getting used to feeling like i have no control over anything. i know that life is so hard for so many right now. and we are so blessed with our health. with financial stability. with happiness. with it all. it's hard to sit around and feel sorry for yourself.

it's nice to see the sunshine through the rain. and know that happy days seem to be here again...