i figured out what's so hard about my new job.
it's that every single thing i do, involves a selflessness that i've rarely had to put forth before now.
getting a pedicure, going to the grocery with no list, exercising whenever i feel like it, eating out with friends, going to a movie...
the list could go on and on. i think what's hard for me is that i'm the only one who really has to think about what to do with pratt for any of those things to happen.
i can't really take him to get a pedicure. i can't go to the grocery store and just have 2 hours to spare...mindless wandering up each and every aisle. i can't exercise at 6 am without figuring out what to do with him. i can't just go eat out without thinking of who can keep him.
it's that for the first time in my life, i've had to make changes in my life, alone. yes, there are other people in my life...but i'm the only one who is really aware of what all this means. just me.
this may seem really selfish. and it is. i won't deny that. and i guess that's what makes this so difficult for me.
this has all reminded me of something so much bigger than myself.
Jesus. and His selflessness.
He makes it look easy. and again...as so often it happens, i'm reminded of His gift to me and how i fail so often to change my life. and i let Him be the one who makes the sacrifice. and i stay in my comfort zone. and wait on another opportunity. wait on something easier to come along.
i let Him do it without me. i let Him do it alone.
sounds so familiar.
of course, i'll get through it. it's just something i realized. and need to admit it. because admittance is the first step...right?
About Me
- hannah
- i'm a girl who likes to write. not a girl that's necessarily good at writing. it's cathartic, i think. and boy do i need that from time to time. i married a wonderful man named clint in may of 2007. he is everything i am not. he is calm. he makes plans. he is organized. his truck is always clean. his clothes are hung by types of shirt/color/size/etc. i'm full of nervous energy. i'm spur of the moment. i can't ever find what i'm looking for. we live in my car...pretty much. i'm lucky if my clothes are within ten feet of my closet. God gave us a precious angel of a baby in september of 2008. his name is pratt allen. he is 2.5 years old.we have another little one on the way. his name is max wesley. and he is due may 19th. somehow i'll be the mother of two boys. craaaaa.zy. i spend my days cleaning house. picking worms and caterpillars out of the flower beds. cooking meals. shopping at target. washing clothes. playing on the floor. reading books. doing puzzles. traveling to sonic. and the library. and blogging. i hope you enjoy our blog. feel free to leave a comment. hopefully it's a nice one. i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.
1 comment:
the beautiful thing about Christ is that he can do it alone. he doesn't need us at all. he only wants us to join in because he desires our faithful companionship. how freeing is that?
and yes. motherhood is self-less. i feel like until my first, last and middle thoughts are of my son, i won't REALLY be a mother. right now i'm pretty good on the middle. i'm not going to lie and say that my first thought isn't...ooh, i need more sleep and my last thought isn't...wow. one more down.
and they'd never read my comment on npr. i think i used the 95% of black voters stat. jon thinks homeland security has a wire-tap on the house now.
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