rocks.

today has not been a diamond day.  nope.  not at all.

it started out okay.  pratt slept later than usual.  he didn't wake until around 8.  but now thinking back...he didn't go to bed until around 10.  we went to my parents yesterday and didn't get in until late.  so probably 8 was more like 6.  so that makes sense now.

he didn't get a good nap yesterday being away from home.  and stuff like that just adds up.  i've said it a million times, but it's so true.  naps make all the difference in the world in my kid's behavior.  i can remember seeing kids misbehave and hearing their parents say, "oh, it's his naptime."  i never believed it.  now...i never doubt it.  so true.  very, very true.

anyway, it's just been one thing after another today.  somedays i can ask him to do certain things and he will promptly reply, "okay momma!".  and others (like today) i can ask him to do something and he honest to goodness figures out the exact opposite of my request and does just that.  and then he looks at me.  with that crap eating grin.  like, "booyah. what now, old lady!?"

i bet he's been in timeout 10 times today.  and spanked twice.  and it's only 1230.

i've taken everything i can think of away.  the latest: his b.  that seemed to work.

well, by "work" i mean, he cried so hard that he stopped breathing.  but he did stop hurling dirty clothes and me and the cat.  it gets ugly over here, folks.  real, real ugly.

he's now napping.  and my prayer is that he wakes in a much better mood.  if he doesn't, i might just drop him off at goodwill.  or maybe i should drive him to my sister's classroom.  i think she might scare the crap out of him.

i keep reminding myself of something clint said the other night.  we were talking about being overwhelmed...or i was talking about it.  because clint never seems to be overwhelmed with pratt.  frustrated? yes.  but he's so good at seeing the big picture.

me?  i'm stuck.  not seeing the forest for the trees.

anyway.  he made the comment that he was just a kid.  and that i shouldn't worry.  that he would grow up to be a good, kind, loving person.

and while that may make perfect sense...sometimes i forget that.  i see him as this toddler.  this 2.5 year old kid throwing fits.  being mean to people.  demanding attention.  screaming when he doesn't get his way.  etc, etc.

it's hard for me to think of him as grown.

that's my fear though.  that when he's grown up, he will still do the same things.  demand attention.  expect anything and everything he wants to just be handed to him.  throw things.

i pray a lot.  outloud and quietly to myself.  i pray that God give me the strength to know what to do in certain situations.  i pray that i know what to say when i'm correcting him.  i pray for patience.  i pray constantly.

i've never had a more difficult job.  of course, i've never loved any job like i love this one.

but sometimes i need a glass of wine.  and today is one of those days.  and i can't have one.  so i think i'm gonna go eat a snicker easter egg.  and maybe take a bath.  and maybe when pratt wakes up, we will go to target.  and buy popcorn and an apple juice box.  and just walk around the store.  looking at things we wish we could splurge on.

yes...that sounds good.