our conversation.

so today pratt and i were coming home from the park.  and he started asking some pretty big questions.

i'm gonna recap as best as i can remember.

p: tell me again where God lives, momma.


okay.  i must admit something here.  i've been telling him that it makes God sad when we do mean things.  is this right?  idk.  i mean, it might be too much to put on him at this point.  but i don't care.  i mean, i'm too tired to worry about everything right now.  and so i'm just going with it.  because isn't it true?  and doesn't he have to learn that at some point anyway?  that God ALWAYS loves us...but when we do bad things...it does make Him sad.  i mean, that's what i think about it.  so that's what pratt is gonna think too now.  back to the convo.

me: well, i like to imagine he lives up in the sky.  high above us.  above the clouds.  above where airplanes fly.  really, really high up.  this way he can see all of us at once.  me, you, daddy.  cookie and nana.  all the people you know.  and all the people you don't know.


p: even skeet?


me: yes, even skeet.  God sees skeet too.  


(skeet is my sister's dog.  i have NO idea why he asked about him.)

p: so if the clouds moved...and opened up, would we see God then?


me: yes.  exactly.  we would see Him.  if the clouds parted, or opened up, we would see Him.


p: what would happen then, momma?


i'm pretty much realizing at this point that i'd rather be answering questions about bugs.  and explaining the difference between genus and phylum.  and eight legs and six legs.  because i'm really needing clint.  this child remembers (and parrots) everything.  and so if i screw this up...it's all on me.

me: well, i think if the clouds split, and we saw Him, it would be time for us to go home with Him.  He would take us up to heaven with Him.  i don't think we will see Him until that point.  that point of us going to His house.


p: do you think He has caterpillars in heaven with Him?


me: yes, i'm pretty sure there are caterpillars up in heaven with Him.  probably lots of caterpillars.  and butterflies too.


p: do you think God would help me hunt for them?


me: yes, i'm positive He would help you.


p: i bet there are five caterpillars in heaven.  i bet they are named carter, coleman, mommy, daddy and olivia.  


and that was that.

we then started talking about something else.  i think something about francine and her strawberry lemonade.  it wasn't about God.  i couldn't really focus because i kept thinking about his earlier questions.  and whether or not i should have said more.

tonight we were on our way home from dinner and i told clint about it.  and clint told him something that i thought was perfect.  something i never thought of saying.

he told him that everytime he saw something nice happen...that that's what God looks like.  when pratt hugs someone.  or kisses me.  or helps one of his friends.  those are all times when you see God.

what a gigantic job we've been given as parents.

not a day goes by that i don't wonder if maybe for a split second, God lost His mind when He loaned pratt to me.

but then i think of my husband. and i realize that we will all be okay...