you're not dealing with a normal person...

i had a bad, bad breakdown. if i were alexander...i would say that i had a no good, very bad breakdown. it happened at walmart. my favorite place. well...it was my favorite place. they might have my picture at the front...that way if i ever step through the doors again, my favorite greeter, allen, will tell me that i'm not welcome there. it was that bad.

yesterday, clint and i go to get paint and a toilet seat. well, really just paint. but we walked past the toilet seats, and he remembered that he needed one. so he choose a white one. i told him that our toilet was not white...it was off white...but he didn't think i knew what i was talking about. i wanted to say, "who cleans that toilet, mister?"...but i didn't. because that would have led to the conversation about how i don't have a job...and that i was a student at 28. and i don't want to have that conversation. i hate that one.

so we buy the white one. get home. it's a cream toilet. so we set it on the table, with the receipt to take back.

fast forward to today. i'm attempting to be a good wife and make out a grocery list so that we (i) don't have to go to the grocery again this week to fix dinner. i spent about 45 minutes looking through cook books to make a weekly menu. so...i get everything written down.

drive to walmart. get out. take in the toilet seat, receipt, my purse and my list. that again...took me 45 minutes to make. allen (my favorite greeter) gives me a sticker for the seat. i walk over to the return desk. i leave my buggy next to the return desk. it's behind me actually. i didn't want to have to manuever that thing through the ropes. i leave my grocery list in the buggy. because it's so obvious that it's my buggy. it's sitting right beside the return desk. i mean, who just comes up and take a buggy from there?

well...apparently someone does. i look back, and it's gone. i'm standing in the line, waiting...and my buggy is gone. i immediately get mad. here i had spent 45 minutes making that dang list out. and then someone just comes along and takes my stuff. i mean, come on. i start panicking. i ask the checker if he's seen anyone take my cart. he says no. i lose my place in line because i'm freaking out. so then, i decide that it's best i just get my 11 dollars back before i completely have a meltdown in the walmart. so, i get back in line. get up to the front. the guy asks me what i need. i tell him i'm returning the toilet seat. and he begins to do what he needs to do...you know, scan the ticket, circle the item, yada yada.

well, he flips the seat over and sees that there is a crack in in the seat. i promise that i had no seen this. and of course, we didn't do this. but i must look like someone who breaks things and then tries to get my money back. he basically tells me that he can't give me my money back because i have scratched it...and now it's worthless. i told him (very calmly, i might add) that i did not do this. that i had not even seen the cut. he is not believing me. he proceeds to ask me if that's not the case, why do i not want to exchange it for something else. some other color. that's when i tell him that our toilet (although i might have used the word that cousin eddie used when cleaning out his camper in the front yard of clark's house....it rhymes with "quitter", but starts with an s) was off white. and they only have a dark tan. and that that's why i'm not getting another seat.

it's not going well at this point. he's mad. i'm mad. he tells me that there is nothing else he can do. and here's basically what i said at that point...

me: "you just think you're dealing with a normal person. i might look normal. but i'm not. you're not dealing with a normal person. mister...you're dealing with a pregnant person. a person who will stand here until your shift is over...and argue with you about this toilet seat. i have lost my grocery list...that took me 45 minutes to make. and i have all the time in the world. i will be leaving here with my 11 dollars. and it will be easiest if you just give it to me"

at this point...there were several people behind me. it was so quiet. i was the crazy person. the one that kids are scared of. yes, that was me.

the checker: "let me get my manager."
me: "that would be a great idea."

so...after arguing with the manager for like 15 minutes, i get my 11 dollars back. but not before she tells me that i need to calm down. my response...

me: "i'm perfectly calm. in fact, this is the calmest i've been in a long time. i cannot believe that it has taken this long to get back my 11 dollars. i will never, ever, ever shop here again. this used to be my favorite store. but i'm done here. i'm going to kroger. and i don't even like kroger. but i'm going there. and you know what...i'm glad i am. you could learn a few things from the people at kroger. like...the parking at the front of the store for expectant mothers. all ya'll have here is parking for the handicapped."

and with that, i walked out.

got in the car and cried. the entire way home. couldn't even see. when i got home, clint was washing my car. he asked me what was wrong. i couldn't even begin to tell him. i knew it was silly. and that i had nothing to cry about...but i was overwhelmed with emotion.

best part of the story: i go to kroger. get my groceries. get home. it's like 8 pm. get home and i have payed for but do not have the sirloin steak and the hamburger meat i purchased. had to drive back there and get it. luckily clint did that for me.

there is really no telling what i would have done or said. i've become that crazy woman that doesn't brush her hair...the one that smells like cats. that always has like ten bags of kitty litter in her station wagon. that's me.

one more thing: i wasn't being ugly or rude about the handicapped parking. i'm the person who leaves nasty notes on peoples cars when they park in those spots without the stickers. i totally believe that people with any type of handicap should be able to park at the very front of the store. i was just emotional...but i didn't want that to sound wrong. i didn't mean it like that at all.