max.

last night pratt talked a whole lot about his little brother.

it all started because i was (get ready to picture this...) standing in the kitchen, shirt completely hiked up, scratching my belly.  i was scratching so hard that i was leaving red, fingernail marks on my pale, dry skin.  it was one of those moments where you really wish you had a round brush.  i would have gone to town.

anyway, clint was making his dinner and pratt was watching me.  with a mixed bit of fascination and sheer what kind of world am i gonna grow up in because my mom is obviously craaaaaazy.

genetics took over and he walked over to me and said, "mommy, i help you scratch your itches." and away he went.  scratching my tummy for me.  he's the best.

after that, he wanted to talk to max.  feel him move.  watch him move.  talk to him some more.

we did all that, and he still wasn't satisfied.  he wanted to hold him.  and he wanted to know what he looked like.  "does he wook wike me, mommy?"

i remembered that picture we had taken at 20 weeks.  it's on our fridge.  from the ultrasound.  and so i grabbed it, and showed pratt where his nose was.  where his ribs were.  his feet, hands, backbone, etc.

he loved it.

so much so that he wanted to take it to his room.  and hang it on his wall.  i talked him out of taping it to his wall.  instead, we put it in a frame.  on one of his bedside tables.  and he loves it.

on our way upstairs he said, "mommy, max is my most favorite baby ever. i really wuv him."  adorable.

while we read books, he would randomly say, "okay.  i wook at max, now."  and lean over to see him.  so sweet.

i guess all this...plus other stuff on my mind has been overwhelming.  and probably all these hormones running through my body.  i'm a big crier.  always have been.  but now, now it's like i'm either crying my face off or screaming at someone.  tonight, i was crying.

he asked to read "the giving tree" which is hands down, one of my favorite books.  and so i did.  we've read it before.  i don't know why, but when the boy comes to the tree and says he doesn't want to swing from his branches, he just wants to make money...i LOST it.  when the tree offers up the apples to the boy so he can sell them in the city, i DOUBLE LOST it.  i couldn't keep reading.  i was having to wipe my face, hold the book, convince pratt i wasn't about to crumble.  he kept looking at me...trying to figure out if i was sad or happy or somewhere in between.

i remember my mother as a child.  watching a sad movie.  and crying.  i remember her attempts to tell me that they were "happy tears".  i used that exact term last night.  and pratt gave me the look i'm sure i always gave my mother.

until last night, i always wondered why the tree would give everything away.  i mean, i knew why.  i just didn't "get it".  it never clicked.  but last night, it did.  sitting there, with pratt.  and with max looking on from the table...and from my belly...and hearing clint clean up the kitchen after dinner...it all hit me.

it made sense why the tree gave up all he had.

we read that book twice.  and both times i cried like a baby.  after the second time pratt said, "maybe next time daddy should read this one, mommy."

i laughed and told him that was probably a good idea.

have wonderful weekends!