dear pratt.

dear pratt,

today is september first. 2009. you are exactly 13 days away from being one year old.

this morning when i heard diane sawyer announce what day it was, a little piece of my heart broke.

september.

before you arrived, it felt like time had stopped. it was hot outside. my ankles were the size of tree trunks. i waddled everywhere i went. i stopped getting the mail because the walk to the driveway seemed too long...and i'd come back inside and be dripping wet with sweat. so i spent the 2 weeks before you came, packing and sitting.

i'd pack a box. and then sit for 20 minutes. then pack another box. then sit again. needless to say, it took a long time to pack that entire house up.

now, a year later. the weather is beautiful outside. the high is in the mid 80s. and there is a constant breeze. at night, it's near 65. just wonderful, wonderful weather.

you will never understand the joy that you have brought to our lives. well, you will when you have kids...but that will be a while.

and so, until then...let's see if i can come close to explaining the feeling...the love. all of it.

just by looking at us alone, you make us smile. and laugh.

last night, you were playing with a clear spray bottle. i had mixed up gain detergent, shout and oxyclean to work on some carpet stains. you were holding the bottle and moving it back and forth, watching the liquid move each direction. and you'd just giggle and giggle. it was so funny to you. dad said something about how you had never seen anything like that before. how new that was to you. something so simple...and yet, you find so much happiness in it.

there is much that we, as adults, can learn from that. so much that we can learn from you. and all the other kiddos out there.

recently, you've been doing this patting thing. when we get you up from a nap, or when you're getting ready to go down for a nap. you'll put your head on our shoulder, and then your arms around us. and then with your little bitty hands, you'll tap us on the back. almost like what we do to you. a sweet, gentle tap.

i wish i could bottle that up. the way i feel when you do it. i'd sell it. and it would be more powerful than any drug. it's the best feeling in the world. dad thinks so too.

you are a quiet little man. you rarely scream. actually, i'm not sure the last time you screamed. you whine when you're a. wanting out of the highchair or b. tired. that's it. honestly. it's hard to know when you're hungry. it's like my friend laura said about her little girl...you're content with what food we give you. i pretty much have to wait to see when you start throwing food on the ground. that means you're done.

you're very laid back. very calm. kristin and allyson petty have decided that's unfair because there is NOTHING calm about me. but your dad on the other hand...cool as a cucumber. you must get that from him.

you love watching other people. other babies. other kids. you soak in everything about new situations. you're hesitant when you should be. once you get used to something, you're more apt to go at it quickly. but not until you know all about it. you'll study your toys before you play with them. you put everything in your mouth.

you think ace and yoda are your two best friends...and as far as i'm concerened, they are. yoda comes near you, ace chases her away, and then you chase after ace. it's like a little three car train. so funny.

you're a monkey. you try to climb onto anything and everything you see. it doesn't matter if it's on the fireplace or not. you put your leg up on everything and attempt to scale it.

you are the most handsome fella i've ever seen.

i tell you that i love you hundreds of times every day. i will continue doing that.

i never, ever, ever want you to forget.

i know the next 13 days will fly by. and before i know it, you'll be a year old.

i'm sorry now for the crying. i'm sorry now for being the crazy mom who won't let go of her little baby boy. i'm sorry now that my eyes will be bright red in all your birthday pictures. i'm not a pretty crier. i'm an ugly crier. you'll be used to that eventually.

it's just that i never knew how much happiness you would bring me and your daddy. i couldn't have ever imagined.

thank you for that. we are so blessed. blessed beyond measure.

love, mommy.