dear pratt.

dear pratt,

you were born on september 13th. 2008. at 535 pm. you weighed 8 pounds, 1 ounce. and you were 22 inches long.

i used to love hearing the story of my birth from my mom. so here is your story. as best as i can remember...

you were born on a saturday. it was a beautiful day. the weather was cool that morning.

we had only been in this house for a few days. we slept on the floor, on a matress for two nights. then friday, we drove to hot springs to meet daddy's friend stephen who was going to help us get a new king size mattress from poppy and cookie's condo.

here's a funny story. while dad and stephen were loading up the truck, i went to pee. you see, you were a big boy..and you were sitting on my bladder. and so i needed to pee about every 15 minutes. well, i went to tee tee, and when i came back, i went upstairs, outside to where they were loading the bed. as i turned around to say something to clint, stephen came up beside me and whispered very quietly in my ear, "hannah...um...i think...uh, there is uh...there's something sticking out of your pants."

i laughed...not imagining what it could be. well, i reached back there...and yep, pulled out the toilet paper i had just USED! yes. typical. pee stained toilet paper. sticking out of my britches.

okay. totally embarrassing...but totally typical. and stephen was such a good sport about it. he's one of the sweetest people. and we're related somehow. random, yes. but good. it's good to be related to "salt of the earth" people like stephen.

well, we get in the truck. come home. unload the king size mattress. put it on our new king bed and fall fast asleep. well, dad did.

i, on the other hand...did NOT.


i was up most of the night with contractions. i won't go into detail here. but the best way i know to describe it is a tightening of all your core muscles. it's a feeling like you need to strain...but when you do, it doesn't make the feeling go away.

i remember laying in my bed...timing my contractions. squeezing my toes together. sweating profusely. breathing...panting, really. and your dad...sound asleep. seriously.

dr. taylor had told me not to come in until they were 10 minutes apart. i had decided that was too close for comfort since it would take us 30 minutes to get to the hospital. so i thought 15 sounded better.

well, around midnight, they were 15 minutes apart. and they would go for 20 minutes. then slack off for 30 minutes. i don't think i really slept more than 20 minutes max that night.

saturday morning i got up around 5.

i KNEW in my heart you were coming. i showered, made sure my toes looked pretty...and put on clothes. and packed my bag. i grabbed your bag and waited on dad to wake up. he woke up around 8. came downstairs, looked at me and said, "hey babe. whatcha doing?"

i think i was in the middle of a contraction. they were about 15 minutes apart. and had been for about an hour at that point. it was apparent that he didn't know that i was in pain. i said something about how i was going to have you today...and told him to shower.


he didn't believe me. he showered...but put on scrubs. like he thought we'd go up there, check the heartbeat and be sent home. i knew better. i had sworn that i wouldn't get it wrong. that the time i went in...would be it.

we got in the car. and as we were pulling on the interstate, your daddy was driving about 15 miles an hour. i'm not exaggerating. he really was. when i questioned him about his motives, he said, "i'm trying to find a good cd to drive to the hospital with."

i won't say what i said. it's not nice. and i'm pretty sure i used some curse words.

his response back was, "man...just because you don't feel good, doesn't mean you have to be mean to me."

and then he just kept flipping through cds. :)

we finally arrived at the hospital. i was too concerned that they would send me home. so i didn't take in my bags. i left them in the car. dad and i joked on the way up to the hospital...and on inside.

when we got there, around 9 am, a sweet nurse took us to a room. when she started asking me who my doctor was, she said, "well....it's your lucky day. dr. taylor is on call!"

i was so very excited. he had seen me years before you were ever conceived and it was nice to know that he would be the person to bring you into the world.

they hooked us up to a fetal monitor and started measuring my contractions. clint called cookie and poppy and told them we were at the hospital. they freaked out and headed to little rock immediately. he called your nana and she did the same! and of course sugar. she was so excited too! and meredith too. all the way from ruston. i remember her telling me, "don't you have that baby until i'm there, han."

dr. taylor came in and told me that he thought i was just dehydrated. that i couldn't be very far along. and they would give me fluids and send me home.

you had other plans.

when the nurse checked me, i was a 5. out of 10. that's an "f" in school language...but an "a" in you-get-to-stay-at-the-hospital language. the nurses eyes got really big and she smiled and said, "you really are in a bit of pain, honey."

i wanted her to get a microphone and announce that so your daddy would be sure and hear it.

it all starts to run together here. maybe because i had an epidural..and started feeling like my legs weighed a ton a piece. or maybe it was because it was the day i had waited for my entire life. and so things started moving so fast.

i remember the anesthesiologist coming in and clint asked if he could watch the epidural. i remember him using the top of his ink pen to make a mark where the needle would go. i remember the sweet nurse hugging me close to her while he gave me the epidural.

and my favorite part...i remember the anesthesiologist saying that i had a "skinny back". he might as well have told me that i looked like natalie portman. that was the BEST compliment ever. you see, i was BIG. real big. my ankles looked like tree trunks. gosh, i was big.

anyway. the medicine worked for a long time. then around 3, i started having the worst back pains. the nurse told me it was "back labor". it felt like you were kicking me in the kidneys. it was terrible. they told me that meant you were descending correctly. i think they told me that because they were trying to make me feel better. i dunno.

let's see. there were many people there awaiting your arrival. everyone was so excited. and couldn't wait to see you.

oh, when sugar showed up...she just pranced right into the hospital room. it was so funny...and just like her. she walked in and said, "hellooooo!" and we all laughed. poppy asked her how she got back there and she said, "i just walked in." she's never been one to follow rules.

you were born at 535 pm. you were the prettiest little boy i have ever seen. your eyes looked just like your dads. you had a head full of dark, dark curly hair. and big hazel eyes.

i remember your daddy crying.

and i knew then that our lives had just gotten so much better.

i'm not sure how people who don't believe in a God, can watch a child be born and brought into the world...and not ever wonder if maybe He exists. you were perfect. and it wasn't because of me. or your daddy.

it was because of your Creator. your Father. your God.

everyone should see a child be born. everyone. it changes your life forever.

there is more to the story...but i still don't like talking about it.

you got sick. we still don't really know why. it might have been because i only pushed for 5 minutes and so your lungs weren't compressed like they should have been. i don't know. i just know that you were sick. you had something in your lungs. and so you were swept away from us around midnight on september 13th. the night you were born. we had several hours with you...and you were gone.

i knew in my gut something was wrong. i kept saying that you weren't breathing right. told the small group girls that. told them that your little chest was heaving. and i knew that wasn't normal. i don't know much about babies...but i knew my baby. and i knew something was wrong.

it's not something i like to think about. i'm not sure how i made it through that week you were in the nicu. no...that's wrong. i made it through because of prayer. lots and lots of prayer.

from people we knew and people we will never meet.

i'll write more about all that later. but i don't like to consider that part as part of your birth story. that was such a dark, sad time. and your birth was so bright...shiny. perfect. all things wonderful.

you've completely changed our lives. i cannot imagine life without you.

when you were just a baby, i remember wondering if we'd make it to one year. i honestly lived day by day. it was hard for your mom. things were difficult.

but through lots of prayer. lots and lots of your daddy being patient...we made it. i made it.

and i'm better for having been through it.

i love you little guy. and i look forward to your first birthday party!

never forget how much you are loved. by so, so many.

love, mommy.