piece of cake.

so when i was in graduate school, i'd often sneak off to tjmaxx in conway. either there or target. they seriously have the BEST shops in conway. i would drive from little rock to shop in conway. yes, i did. it's that good.

anyway, i'd be procrastinating school work. typical. and as i walked up and down the aisles, i woud run into moms with kids in strollers. and i'd always think, "man...that must be so nice. to just be a mom all day. to shop. and eat. and do laundry whenever you feel like it."

yes. i really did think that. i would yearn for it. i'd hope that when i was lucky enough to be a mom...that my life would be so...(dare i say it...) easy.

hahahahahahahaha!

so today. pratt and i headed to conway for a baby shower for one of the best people i know. her name is eva. and if you're lucky enough to know her, you know how wonderful she is. if i could be more like anyone...she is who i would pick.

anyway, i wouldn't have missed this shower for the world. so we head there.

i LOVE to be in the car. i love driving and thinking. listening to music. just being myself. alone. i can sing loud. or i can listen to npr. or i can turn the radio off completely. well, pratt apparently doesn't like to ride in the car.

this could have something to do with cookie riding in the back with him and not always making him be strapped in. i mean, it's just a guess.

anyway, he pretty much cried the entire way to conway. in little rock, i stopped to check on him. whit convinced me that maybe his straps were too tight. so i pulled over. i got around to the back of the car, looked in..and the kid was LAUGHING.

yes!!!! laughing!!! i'm sure thinking to himself, "well, look what i've done. i've got her wrapped around my finger!"

i did a quick check, realized he was fine. and got back in the drivers seat.

around maumelle, i start singing the alphabet as loud as i could. then i sing nursery rhymes.

then around the morgan exit, i'm doing "i spy".

somewhere between morgan and conway, i start rolling the window down on him. thinking that the cool breeze will be soothing. nope. not.at.all.

i'm ready to pull my hair out when i pull into los amigos.

pratt...he's laughing. and laughs his way through lunch. pretty much. that, and he ate the paper package of eva's new pacifiers.

around 1230, we leave. he should have napped at 12. well, he falls asleep as soon as i get on the interstate. they do that to him. i could french kiss whoever is responsible for those things. i really could.

so around alexander, i hear him waking up. i'm thinking, "great...he's awake. i'll make a bottle, feed him...and we'll stop and shop at target. and maybe kohl's."

hahahahahahahahahah!

we get in kohls. i have several pieces of clothing i need to try on. i get in the "family" dressing room, and the little man is having a blast. looking at himself in the three way mirror. laughing. blowing raspberries. by the way, he's in his stroller.

well, i'm trying things on...trying to pacify him...rolling the stroller back and forth...and putting clothes on with one hand. i don't have any pants on and i'm dancing around. making googly faces at him...and silly noises. about the time i lean to try on a pair of pants, the dressing room door opens. i forgot to lock it. yes. poor woman.

it's shortly after this that i smell it.

that's right. p.o.o.p.

i think to myself...no problem. i have his bag. i'll just clean him off and be done with it. i spread out his blanket. and lay him on it.

it's then i see that the p.o.o.p. has come out of this outfit and is running down his legs. apparently, prunes take two days to digest. yummy.

i'm still cool. i get out the diapers and the wipe case. unsnap his outfit. take off the diaper. open the wipe case...

and yes, you guessed it. NO WIPES.

none. zero. none. NONE!!!!

what!? so i start thinking....and realize i'm wearing two shirts. a tank under a shirt.

i'll finish this up by saying that my white tank is now in the trash can outside kohls in bryant. and...antibacterial wipes get the job done as far as getting everything super dooper clean.

i put him back in the stroller. i'm thinking i've done a great job. he's happy. fed. and up for another hour. so we head to target.

it's at the checkout line of target that the nice woman behind me says...and i quote, "m'am...um...there is something green on the back of your pants."

i don't know how...but somehow...pratt's p.o.o.p. had gotten on the back of my pants. and i'm not talking a little smear! i'm talking a big ole glob of it!!!! like thick. like, i had to dig in with an antibacterial wipe to get it off!!!

AND i had been walking around with it on me for oh...about 45 minutes. (and yes, prunes make poop green. i don't know. i thought purple and brown just made dark brown...but no, it makes it all green)

so...all those times i saw those women with their kids in the strollers around lunchtime...or 2...and i thought to myself..."wow...that is so easy. i want that life."

i was wrong. it's not easy. and i proved that to myself today.

ah...good times.