thinking.

so, i've said this before, but i love driving. if pratt is content in the backseat, then driving gives me time to think. really think. i'll usually turn on npr. and just listen.

something always gets me all rowled up. and then i just go from there. thinking.

today, it was a lawyer. talking about waterboarding. and what should be considered "torture".

somehow, i started thinking about my life. and my lack of an "outside the home" job

don't get me wrong. i love being a mom. i love having a job as a mom. but i miss people. i miss learning. i miss intelligent conversation. and work. really working.

not laundry. or bottle washing. or baths.

i miss powerpoint presentations (nerdy, yes.) i miss highlighters. (even worse? probably.) i miss teaching students with their notebooks open ready to write down something i have to say. i miss it all.

i wonder what pratt will think of me when he gets older. will his dad be the one he looks at and thinks, "i'll work hard like him"? will he ever really know that i too, work hard? will he ever really appreciate my staying at home with him? do i make any difference being here?

these are all rhetorical. so for those five of you reading this...don't feel like you have to answer them :)

please don't get me wrong. i love being home. and i know that the grass is always greener...yada yada. and i appreciate so much that i'm able to stay here with him. i do, so thank you clint.

it's all just stuff i've been thinking lately. wondering, really.

i worked really hard in high school. and in college. and in grad school. studied hard. i always have. and i feel like i've lost that part of me. i feel like those who know me now...don't even know that person.

and i'm not sure i was really ever ready to let her go...