the drive home.

thursday, i worked at clint's office. i answered the phone. and cleaned the operatories after each patient. pretty much...that's all i can do. i mean, my life long dream is to be a secretary...but i'm not all that great at it. (and yes, that really is what i've always wanted to be...and i think there is still hope yet. i mean, i'm only 29. i still have time to be a secretary).

anyway, once a month, i should go work with him. it's good for me. for us. i should be reminded monthly what it takes to be a dentist. a good dentist. apparently, people don't like the dentist. i didn't realize this. people have full out panic attacks there. who knew? well, yes, they do.

clint has a hard job. and i know that. but sometimes, i wish that just one morning, i could get up. and get ready without being interrupted. you know, without having to worry when pratt will wake. and without having to worry about having his banana and cereal ready when he wakes. for all of you moms who work...and parent...congrats. i don't know how you do it. seriously, i don't.

anyway, thursday was good. because i got to work with him. and hear him say things like, "breathe through your nose...and wiggle your toes." and my favorite...to kids, "open wide like an alligator!"

i love those things. they very much make clint, clint.

i left thursday to go to hot springs. so i didn't see him until saturday. and it wasn't until sunday that i really got to visit with him. it had been too long. so last night, as we drove back from beebe, we visited. pratt was asleep in the backseat. and it felt like it was just me and him.

i don't want to be too personal. well, i mean, i don't mind...but i don't want to be too personal for clint. so i'll try to be a vague. something i'm not really good at :)

clint's grandmother is in a retirement center. she's had multiple strokes. and she is unable to speak. this is a grandmother that has been very much an instrumental part of his life, as were all his grandparents. for many years, he lived with them. she once said to me, "i consider clint to be my fifth child...not my grandchild."

he has told me many things about her. about growing up with her. many stories. but my favorite is that she somehow got him to eat oatmeal. not only eat it...but enjoy oatmeal. what?! he hates it. and i've tried to make it...yes, just simple oatmeal...but apparently, i can't make it like mamaw does.

we got to see her yesterday. but when we arrived, we didn't see papaw's car. or clint's dad's car. so he headed in to leave her a note. thinking she was probably asleep. it was around 7 pm.

well, she wasn't. she was in her wheelchair. in the cafeteria. and she was thrilled to see him! and recognized him! so he went back to her room...and told her to wait, that he'd go get me and pratt.

when the three of us walked in, she raised her arms to get pratt. she had the biggest smile on her face! she absolutely loves him. and i know that she very much sees her clint in pratt. which has to be so special.

we visited with her. told her what pratt was up to. asked her some questions she might could answer by shaking her head yes or no.

i won't lie. the entire time we were there, i kept thinking...how are we ever going to leave. i just couldn't leave this woman to be all alone. and yet, i knew we were going to have to. we finally did...and as soon as clint said bye to her, and she kissed pratt, she started crying.

clint walked several steps ahead of me down the long hallway to the car. i didn't try to catch up with him because i knew he was upset. i didn't cry until we got into the car. i was sitting in the backseat with pratt...and clint said, "it kills me to leave her here alone. because she used to hate to be alone at home. and now, she's here. with all these strangers. and i'm leaving her alone."

that was all it took for me. i lost it. here is his grandmother. in this place. full of people who can't speak. and here she is...in a body that cannot do anything for her. her mind is fine...and yet, she is trapped in this body that won't work.

we talked the entire way home. about mamaw. about God. about religion. about life and death. all of it.

and when we got home, i slept closer to him that i have in a really, really long time. and this morning, when his alarm went off, i knew i had only a few minutes before he would get up to shower. and so i scooted over really close.

because life is just too short. and we're only here for a little while.

this weekend reminded me of what my husband means to me. and how lucky i am. thank you clint. and thank you cookie, poptart and sugar for giving us a night alone. we needed it.