dear max.

dear max,

yesterday my friend rachel texted me.  it said, "max's first birthday on mother's day.  i could cry."

it wasn't the first time i had realized that may 13th was your birthday AND mother's day.  i only realized it because another friend mentioned that you were being christened on mother's day.  and how special that would be.

crazy how life comes full circle.  i honestly almost lost my mind those first 100 days.  like, you screamed.  and i cried.  yet, i would do it again in a heartbeat.

you are the most laid back child i've ever met.  at 11 months, you are one hundred and twenty percent opposite what you were those first four months.  you still have your lungs on you.  you can scream like no one i've ever heard.  but you save that scream.  for times when you're starving.  or when you've had it in the car.  baby einstein has really changed all that.  but still, you can let me know when you're over something.  and much like your sugar, and your cousin liza, as soon as you're done with something...you were done with it like yesterday.

you love your brother more than anyone else.  he's started to really talk to you.  treat you like an equal.  like you're 3.  or 10.  yesterday we were headed home after kdo and he told you all about the kite i bought for him.  there were two of them.  and at first, he wanted to share.  but then he decided that "all max can do is eat.  so i'll take his kite.  he can have it when he's grown up.  when he's 6."  no worries.  we will get you a kite.  i asked him to be kind.  and remember that you were his brother.  and that he always needed to take care of you.  his idea of taking care of you meant that he would explain how the kite works.  so he did just that.

he told you about how the wind "whips it up in the air toward Jesus".  and that you had to be careful for the powerlines.  i have no idea how he knows then.  he then started telling you about the generator we have.  and how the electricity will never go out.  and how his hermit crab would never know if the power was out or not because he lives in a shell.  where it's always dark.

you were just watching him the entire time.  laughing and smiling at him.  he would randomly reach his hand out and hold your hand.  and you would giggle and laugh and lose your breath.

i can't remember life before you, max.  it seems that we must have just been "playing" house before you came along.  maybe that was God's way of letting me practice.  because it couldn't have been complete without you.

i love how friendly you are.  i love how determined you are.  i love your chubby wrists.  and the way your eyes squint together when you smile.  i love how excited you get when you see a bottle.  you remind me so much of what your daddy must have been like as a baby.

i am honored to be your mommy.  and i so look forward to my life as a mom of two boys.  i'm blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

xoxo, mommy.