dear max.

dear max,

today i subbed in your kids day out room.  when i got there, jamie went on and on about how good you were.  how sweet you were.  how you never threw fits.  or screamed or cried.  how all you did was crawl around and giggle and smile at all the little girls.

i owe you an apology.  lately, i thought you might be slipping back to that baby from day 21 to 121.  i was wrong.

let me explain.

i'm with you 24 hours a day.  7 days a week.  you only go to kdo if i have something i MUST do alone.  i think you've been 4 times in your life.  that's 4 times out of almost 365 days.  or 364 because it was a leap year?  idk.

anyway.  my point is that i see you at your best and worst and all in between.  much like you see me at my best and my worst.  i have no in between because i'm an emotional rollercoaster and well, i'm up or down.  yes, i need meds for that.  yes.  i'm serious.

i forget that you're teething.  and yearning to be more independent.  and that all you really want to do is walk.  and run.  and have your big brother carry you around on his back all the live long day.

jamie was right.  you never once whined.  or screamed.  or even cried at naptime.  you played with everyone.  you would crawl up to one of the girls and smile and rub at her face.  then you'd crawl to the next little baby and do the same thing.  it was so sweet to watch.

it's hard for me to sit here and admit that in 3 weeks, you will be a whole year old.  i don't know how that happened.  i don't know where time went.  i don't know what we spent the last year doing.

i know that i'm a much better mom now.  something about this age...it's easier for me.  and in turn, i'm more patient.  and you're happier.  and that makes me so happy.  if i could, i would have 5 one year old babies.  that is how comfortable i am with you.  right now.

i love you.  i cannot wait to watch you in the days ahead.  they are bittersweet.  but i know i'm blessed to have a healthy and happy baby boy.

xoxo,
mommy.