kroger.

there are lots of things that i'm going to pay for when pratt gets older. 

LOTS.  one of the most hilarious ones involves using the potty while reading a book.  i don't want to get too graphic here, but i think i've said before that i pretty much need to disrobe before going number 2.  and from here on out, let's call "going number 2"....sitting.  sounds much cleaner.

yes, that's odd.  i'll give you that.  but the second part to that, i never knew (until recently) was odd too. 

i read books/newspapers/magazines while sitting.  because why not?  i mean, isn't this what you do?  my dad does it.  he has like a mini bookshelf by his toilet.  specifically for his sitting books.  (did you think of george costanza?!)

it wasn't until nancy pointed it out that i realized pratt had gotten into the habit of doing the same thing.  i read to him while he sits.  i think it started because in the beginning he knew he needed to go, but he wasn't patient enough to sit there.  so we started reading books to keep him there.  and then it stuck. 

so now, (as nancy knows :), he must read while sitting.

well, enter kroger.  going potty in kroger.  today we head out to shop.  which by the way, clint and i are trying to change up the way we eat.  and i shopped the perimeter of the store.  and let me tell you...it gets expensive.  there aren't many coupons for honeycrisp apples, organic milk, chicken breasts, gluten free items, etc.  it takes some planning.  but hopefully will pay off in the end.  we shall see. 
anyway, we get to the dairy section, and pratt screams, "mom!  i need to pee!  oh, wait...pee and poop, mom!  pee and poop!".  his immediately gets the attention of all the other shoppers.  because why would they not turn to stare at a kid yelling that?  well, we get in the bathroom and i'm doing my best to convince him that he just needed to pee.  because we were in a public restroom, and no one likes to poop in public restrooms. 

i was giving it my all.  i kept talking about how we can't disrobe in kroger, and how you're basically wasting a good sit.  when you could just wait 10 minutes and be home.  on your comfortable potty.  with the national geographic (or in his case, "are you my mother") sitting right next to the toilet paper. 

he wasn't having it.  "no, mom. i poop here.  right here.  move mom.  i not touch anything, but i poop here."

literally, mid sit, he looks at me with his red eyes, points to the other stall, and grunts out, "mom. is. there. a book. over there?!"

i just lost it.  i fell out laughing and almost dropped his skinny little body in the toilet.  he then started laughing too.  i know we sounded like crazy people in there.  but i just couldn't stop.  finally, i said, "no pratt.  there aren't any books in that stall.  i'm sorry."

and he goes, "well, maybe one in your purse?  or maybe we just sing?"

and so we did.  we sang jingle bells.  and then he was finished. 
he really is one of the funniest people i know.  but it's not even intentional.  which makes it that much better.

happy monday.