I never worried about being pregnant with pratt. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.
I wasn't aware of everything that could go wrong. Now, more than ever before, I'm aware. From first hand experience. From knowing people who have lived it.
Idk. I just find myself so worried. And so emotionally restrained. I won't get excited. I can't even begin to think about boy/girl. Etc.
We have a name. Sort of. We like it for a girl or boy. That's all I will allow myself to do.
I won't look at baby clothes. I won't think about the nursery. I won't even type letters out on here. I'm not sure that I'll be able to.
Don't count your chickens before they hatch. That's all I can think about.
I find myself praying for this baby at odd times. In the shower. While making dinner. I worry God thinks I'm not being thankful and appreciative. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm just worried. And scared.
And ready to feel peace.
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About Me
- hannah
- i'm a girl who likes to write. not a girl that's necessarily good at writing. it's cathartic, i think. and boy do i need that from time to time. i married a wonderful man named clint in may of 2007. he is everything i am not. he is calm. he makes plans. he is organized. his truck is always clean. his clothes are hung by types of shirt/color/size/etc. i'm full of nervous energy. i'm spur of the moment. i can't ever find what i'm looking for. we live in my car...pretty much. i'm lucky if my clothes are within ten feet of my closet. God gave us a precious angel of a baby in september of 2008. his name is pratt allen. he is 2.5 years old.we have another little one on the way. his name is max wesley. and he is due may 19th. somehow i'll be the mother of two boys. craaaaa.zy. i spend my days cleaning house. picking worms and caterpillars out of the flower beds. cooking meals. shopping at target. washing clothes. playing on the floor. reading books. doing puzzles. traveling to sonic. and the library. and blogging. i hope you enjoy our blog. feel free to leave a comment. hopefully it's a nice one. i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.
5 comments:
Praying for you and baby on a daily basis. I pray every morning in the shower...I started this after my dad died and the only time I was alone was when I took a shower. Guess it's just a habit that stuck around. I hadn't really thought about it being strange until you mentioned it! I hope you find the peace you are seeking.
I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my second child and I'm alot more anxious and worried this time too. Seems like with the first I didn't know anything about pregnancy and was overwhelmed with the basics, and now since I've done this before my mind is in over drive. Let's hope for peace for both of us and soon!!
I pray for you both hannah. I think you will find more and more piece of mind as this pregnancy progresses. Your confidence will grow and little thoughts will make their way into your mind and I bet, one day, you'll find that you're excited in a new way.
Will we ever stop worrying? No. Never ever. But, that's ok.
I'm not 100% sure this pregnancy (for me) will feel 100% real until I've got the kid in my arms. But, I'll keep praying that your mind and heart find some reprieve from the worry. :)
God doesn't work that way. He just doesn't. Any bad things that happen to us are not punishments from God but nature of sin due to that stupid fruit situation in the very beginning.
My Aunt's Mother In Law once told me when I was worrying over Jackson, "Bethany they're His anyway and once you let Him handle what is His you'll be a better mom and child of God because of it."
I know, I know, easier said than done but when it comes down to it this baby, Pratt, my boys - they're God's children first, just on loan to us and He loves them more than we ever could.
Good news is God is the author of peace and He can provide it for you! Praying for you friend.
When I was pregnant with Carter, I was convinced that he was going to be born with profound problems of some sort. I truly was. I thought that I surely didn't deserve to have 4 healthy kids when so many people don't even get one. And I was so sure that I would miscarry because, let's face it, Larry and I really didn't want this unexpected blessing at first. Of course, I wanted him more as the months went on, but I was convinced that God would somehow punish me because of my doubts. And I was ashamed.
But then I realized that God knew what I needed better than I did (and do). And that He doesn't make mistakes. And that if by some chance Carter wasn't perfect by human standards, he would be perfect by God's and mine. I found peace in accepting that God had a plan. That he wouldn't punish a child to teach me a lesson. That He loved me and that baby more than words. The rest is history.
I pray for you daily. For you to have that same peace and comfort that I found in turning it over to a higher power. We love you guys. And I have no doubt that God only has the best of plans for your sweet family. Hugs to all.
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