one rough, long day.

today has been a hard day. and it's nowhere near over.

i'm not sure when it started. maybe when i woke up and realized that we didn't have cold soft drink for me to have for breakfast. and i didn't want coffee. i wanted a diet coke. or a diet dr. pepper. not water. not juice.

at some point, in the past few days, pratt has gone from being a sweet, loving, kind, precious angel of a baby...to a toddler. a one year old who thinks that his way is best.

at some point, when i wasn't looking...someone taught him what i like to call "the stiffen". you know. when they straighten out. get stiff on you...and feel like they weigh 40 pounds instead of 20. when they make it incredibly difficult to hold them.

he does this thing when he gets mad...he grits his teeth, straightens his arms out and makes a growling sound. very guttural. very animal. very scary. and very, very non-baby. very terrible twos. yet, he's just one.

i knew this would happen eventually. well, no...i knew that it typically happened eventually. but until today, i really thought that pratt was perfect. and that he probably would never give us trouble. i know, you're rolling your eyes.

i would be too. but he's just been so quiet and sweet for so long now.

today he was given two thomas the train toys. two small toys. one of them is thomas and one is percy. and he was playing with them at the restaurant. but he started banging them on the window. and so i quietly leaned over and said, "pratt, we can't bang these on the window. it might break. we have to play with them on the table."

at this point, i have to say, i was proud of myself. i thought, okay. i didn't use the word "no". instead, i made it postive. turn the bad into good, hannah...turn the negative into a postive. apparently, little pratt didn't appreciate the applied behavior analysis.

at this point...well, let me just say...he flips out. a jeff lewis flip out. that bad. starts that stiffening thing. gritting his teeth. bending his arms, yelling. i just dropped him to the booth seat. no explanation. nothing. just dropped him there. (not like where he hurt himself. but i didn't cradle him at this point. just sort of layed him there. thought i'd let him throw that fit on his own).

i honestly didn't know what to do. i had seen on a recent dateline special where a psychologist said that when kids tantrum, there is ZERO chance of learning at that moment. that the learning comes after the tantrum. and that it's best to just walk away from it. i couldn't agree more.

but with a one year old...in a booth, you can't really just walk away.

i felt everyone looking at me. you know, thinking, "well...do something." i hate that feeling. i wanted to be like, "y'all do something. like kiss my butt or something".

as soon as i had kids, i stopped staring at kids having tantrums. literally, like the day pratt was born, i stopped. because it all made sense to me.

i called my mom. just so that she would be warned that pratt isn't really the same kid as he was a week ago. she laughed and told me it was normal. that actually made me feel a little better.

then i called clint. and told him that i was upset. i was almost crying. he basically told me what my mom said. said that it was normal for his age. that he is testing his limits. his boundaries. i guess i keep thinking he doesn't know how to do that yet...i mean, he can't even walk yet. how is he already doing something like testing his boundaries?! he can't even use the toilet.

clint reminded me that kids come into this world thinking that their way is the best way. and that it's our job as parents to help them figure all that out. and he reminded me that i wasn't alone. and that he would be home soon. and he would help me.

and that actually made me feel a whole lot better. knowing i'm not alone. i never thought i would say that. i always actually enjoyed being independent. not so much now.

one more thing. my friend tanna. her sister in law, brittany. she was diagnosed with all (a type of leukemia) in october 08. one year ago. she was initially treated in little rock. but then the chemo wasn't working anymore, so she and her family moved to md anderson. the plans were for her to have a bone marrow transplant.

tanna emailed today and said that brittany was supposed to have the bone marrow transplant next week. however, monday brittany found out the cancer is back. and the transplant won't be done until the cancer is in remission.

my heart breaks for brittany, brandon and the rest of her family...and of course tanna. for everyone who loves brittany. for everyone being strong for her.

so after all that...i'm reminded to be thankful for pratt's temper tantrums. to be thankful for his screaming. it only means that he's healthy. and for that, i am forever thankful.

maybe you could use the reminder as well. please pray for brittany.