uncomfortable.

i just remembered that time at the market...snuck up behind me, and jumped on my shopping cart and rode down aisle five....

john mayer. comfortable. a wonderful song. one of my very favorites. written about a girl gone from his life...but why she left, he can't remember. but he knows that she could remind him of why if he'd ask.

a girl he was was comfortable with...their love was so broken in. one who wore grey sweat pants. and no makeup. and knew all the words to coltrane...or could distinguish him from jack johnson, depending on the version you hear (cd vs. acoustic)

i'm just the opposite of this song. i'm extremely uncomfortable. not with my husband. or my family. or my friends. or even life, in general.

it's being uncomfortable when having to move. yes, moving anywhere really. getting up from a sunken in chair. getting out of the recliner is nearly impossible these days. it's like i lean forward, but that does nothing. i literally have to heave myself forward and just hope that it's enough to get me up.

sitting in the car and trying to reach in the backseat for something is just impossible. carrying anything up the stairs and expecting to not be out of breath...forget about it. putting my hands on my hips and actually being able to rest them there...nope. it's like i have to stretch my hands so wide to get them around that waist. or what used to be my waist. and then my hands hurt.

which brings up a strange occurence. my hands hurt in the morning. when i wake. it's like i've been sleeping with them in fists or something. they ache. what's this about?

and i've become a grunter. like my dad. you know, where you lay in bed at night and just grunt. "oh lord....i think i'm dying". that kind of stuff. every time i have to sit up in bed....there's that sound. that grunt. rolling over...grunt. putting a pillow between my legs to keep my back from hurting...two grunts. one for rolling over and another for lifting my legs. oh...and probably one for having to grab a pillow. i'm pathetic.

for christmas, clint bought me a cute pair of shoes. they're flats. i pointed them out one day in dillards, and not only did he pay attention...just after one small comment...but he went and got them. i tried to wear them to church last week...impossible. my feet were so uncomfortable and squished.

and i haven't tried it again. because i don't want to. i'll just stick with flip flops. so that i never know that my feet are all swole up.

i've always complained that my weight gain has always been in my thighs and butt. and how i wished it could be in my waist...because i'd much rather do sit ups than leg lifts. but now...i'm retracting that statement. i'm happy with weight gain in my butt. i'll take it anyday. :)

again...i'm thrilled with all this. i mean, the baby. not really the uncomfortability. mrs. kirtley would tell me that is not a word...i know, i know. but you know what i mean.