dear pratt.

dear pratt,

tonight i was talking to your dad and i was reminded of something. so often, i think of something and immediately ideas come to mind. things i need to tell you before i forget. and that's what these letters are for. because i will never remember when you're all grown up and you'll want to hear stories about your mom and dad. stories that you'll laugh at. these are the best stories. i love hearing "real" stories about my parents. enjoy.

one. i once dropped out of a philosophy course at college because on the first day we were asked to define philosophy. and i couldn't. i didn't know what to say. what to write. i felt like such an idiot. so instead of laughing it off, i just didn't go back. i remember the classroom. it was in the bible building. and there were all these smart people with glasses. i can't remember what i wrote. i may very well have gotten up from the table and faked an illness. it was bad. i started sweating under my arms and on my upper lip. tragic.

two. once i winked at someone who had tourettes. i thought he was winking at me. he wasn't. he actually winked because of the tourettes. he was a senior in college. i was a lowly freshman. and he was the lab assistant. and he was a cutie. he was helping a group of us one night with some stuff in the lab. and i just happened to look up and see him. and he winked at me. well, at least, i thought he did. and so i, thinking that this senior was winking at me...i TOTALLY winked back. and he gasped, turned around and left the lab. i was a little confused...but just thought he was playing hard to get. i went back to my roommate, emily and told her. she was the one that told me he had tourettes. needless to say, he never spoke to me again.

three. just take my advice on this one....everyone's butthole is in a totally different place. long story. this is what i learned in medical school. that buttholes aren't in the same place. i'll tell you more about this later. it's pretty embarrassing.

four. your poptart once slipped on a kotex outside of walmart. when it happened, he did the splits. it wasn't pretty. i started laughing so hard that i wet my pants. when he was able to pick himself up off the ground, he made me ride on the floor of the car the entire way home.

five. i once broke up with a boy for writing the word "there" when he should have used "their". seriously. before you date a girl, make sure she knows the difference in these word pairs, "their/there", "its/it's", "you're/your" and "to/too". drives.me.insane.

okay. that's probably enough crazy for one night :)

love, mom.