three things.

three things.

i'm heartbroken and unable to type anything out about matt turner.  i want you to understand that i'm in NO way taking this on as my own issue or problem or anything like that.  i'm standing here, with two babies and a husband i love more than anyone else in the world.  and so while i don't know julee's pain.  i can get a glimpse of it as a mom.  and as a wife.

and i'm mad.  i'm mad at God.  i'm mad at stupid people on facebook commenting on her wall stuff like, "i'm so sorry about matt."  what in the world.  really?  really?  i'm sorry about your husband.  if you're writing something that stupid just don't write at all.  idiots.

that leads me to the second thing.  i'm on day 8 of 7.  and i'm cranky.

and finally, i've said, "you didn't even want it until your brother got it" like 10 times already.  and it's only 9 am.  the next 15 years will be difficult with these boys.

but i'm blessed.  i'm blessed beyond measure.  my cup is most definitely full.

family farm.

we went on pratt's first school related field trip today.  to family farm in malvern.

i just cannot express how special this trip was.  for the first time, i witnessed the class prayer.  their drumroll chant about show and tell.  and all the other little small things that make jolly time preschool so special.

when we first enrolled him there, EVERYONE and i do mean everyone told me how "special" that preschool was.  and how much we would LOVE his teachers.  i didn't know what they meant until today.

the way they said their special jolly time prayer.  let me see if i can remember it...

thank you for the food we eat, thank you for the friends we meet, thank you for our homes and families.  thank you god for everything.  amen.  

hearing that prayer in those sweet 3 and 4 year old voices sent me over the edge.  uh huh.  that's right.  i cried.  at the family farm.  on the field trip.  poor pratt.  he has THAT mom.

before that there was a sicilian donkey.  at the farm.  and he has a cross on his back.  because apparently that was the donkey that carried mary before she had jesus.  so i cried at that.

pratt is just so impressionable.  he's a sponge these days.  and so it warms my heart to know that these are the people he is surrounded by two days a week.  we are blessed beyond measure.  that's for sure.

oh, and one other thing.  and i know i shouldn't put this down on paper because as soon as i hit post, he will inevitably go rob a bank or punch his brother or something equally horrific.  BUT.  he was so good today.  and for the first time in a long time i saw him as a grown up little guy.  as a kid who doesn't throw fits.  he obeys.  and wants to do good.  he followed the rules.  he was so respectful.

all good things.  and for a second, i wanted to take credit.

but i know it's not really me.  it's his entire family.  it's those that we surround ourselves with.

he's lucky.  we're lucky.  i'm most lucky to be his momma.

pratt, i love you.  you are my favorite 4 year old.
xoxo, mom

7.

so.  clint and i started something yesterday.

october one.

it's a book by jen hatmaker.  called 7.  a mutiny against excess.

let me start at the beginning.  a while back during the whole chick-a-lay (as pratt calls it) debacle, i was introduced to jen.  via her blog.  about the situation.  a guy i went to college with posted the blog link and i fell in love.  i had never heard of her before.  so i looked her up.  and loved what i saw.  (and then i read her quote about how she was trying to be more like francis chan...live like him.  and well, then i knew she was my soulmate because he is my all time favorite christian author/speaker).

well, then last week my friend katie had this book on her instagram account.  i googled it.  and felt TOTALLY called to do this.

those of you who know me, know that it doesn't take much to "call me" to something.  i'm usually always in.  diet fad?  sure.  new workout?  i'm there.  etc, etc.

but this felt different.

then sunday in church our pastor talked about giving more.  giving more than we think we can give.  making Him bigger...more. and making me smaller...less.

and i knew it was a sign.

clint told me that he didn't think this was something we should like, openly discuss.  like i shouldn't be telling people about it.

okay.  yes.  i know.  me too.  did you wonder if he knew me at all?  like maybe his brain has been sucked out by aliens or something.

asking me not to talk about something is like asking me not to breathe.  or eat.  whaaaaaat?  i don't know.  i really don't know.  i'm just ignoring it.  because obviously he was on the d.rugs.  (in fairness to him maybe he meant that i'm not supposed to be bragging about it.  so i'm not doing that.  who brags about this stuff anyway?  it's gonna break me.  i won't brag about being broken.  things are gonna get ugly up in here.)

so.  here we are.  me talking about it.  probably him rolling his eyes.  but he's on board.  because that's another awesome thing about him.  he's always willing to do whatever he can to help me out.  he's great like that.  it makes up for him holding his breath when i start to talk in sunday school.  like he's nervous of what i'm gonna say.  the boy knows me.  knows me well.

here is the website's overview of the book.  it's wayyyy better than anything i could explain...

American life can be excessive, to say the least. That’s what Jen Hatmaker had to admit after taking in hurricane victims who commented on the extravagance of her family’s upper middle class home. She once considered herself unmotivated by the lure of prosperity, but upon being called “rich” by an undeniably poor child, evidence to the contrary mounted, and a social experiment turned spiritual was born.

7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence.

Food. Clothes. Spending. Media. Possessions. Waste. Stress. They would spend thirty days on each topic, boiling it down to the number seven. Only eat seven foods, wear seven articles of clothing, and spend money in seven places. Eliminate use of seven media types, give away seven things each day for one month, adopt seven green habits, and observe “seven sacred pauses.” So, what’s the payoff from living a deeply reduced life? It’s the discovery of a greatly increased God—a call toward Christ-like simplicity and generosity that transcends social experiment to become a radically better existence.

sounds pretty cool, huh?  and scary.  

scary because i'm going to realize just how weak i am.  just how over-indulged i am.  just how much money we spend on foods per week that WE THROW AWAY.  the majority of the world's population lives on 2 dollars a day.  we live on something like 200.  ridic.  embarrassing.  

we started yesterday with food.  we each chose 7 foods.  mine are chicken, whole wheat bread, sweet potatoes, bananas, avocados, eggs and lettuce/spinach/greens.  we can use salt and pepper and olive oil.  and that's that.  that's it.  that's all.  30 days.  one month.  

yes, i've thought about it.  it will end on halloween.  and yes, i wondered if eating halloween candy would cause my intestines (ie: colon) to burst.  yes, it probably will. and yes, i'll die trying.  because i CANNOT wait to eat a reese's peanut butter pumpkin, y'all.  

yesterday when i got hungry/frustrated/mad, i prayed for clint.  he got lots of prayers.  today it's someone different.  

i have been looking for a way to teach pratt that we have too much.  what better way than for him to see us go through this.  for him to take one whole month where he gives away 7 things EACH DAY.  

if you feel called to find out more, let me know. i'll forward you the information/videos/etc that i have been given/found.  i'll keep you updated on how it turns out.  i think we finish around easter of next year.  

maybe then i'll be a better person.  a person more able to communion with Jesus.  a person not so worried about pinning outfits on pinterest.  a person who can give away my material possessions and not immediately go buy something else because i'm so proud of myself.  

i just want to be better.  much better.  

happy tuesday!

update. in pictures.

seems like life happens so fast these days.




































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what night is it?

so last night i had a girl's night.  so clint put the kiddos to bed.

a little background: pratt has a tv in his room.

yes.  go ahead.  pass judgment.  i don't care.

because 1. i had a tv in my bedroom from the time i could talk.  and look how awesome i turned out to be.

and 2.  because it is sometimes the only reason he will stay in that bed.  and i'll do whatever i have to to keep from sleeping on my left side with a 4 year old's foot down my underwear.  yes.  right inside my undies.  foot pressed firmly against my crack.  i don't know.  he does it to me and clint.  in his sleep.  weird.

so.  most nights i let him have the tv on for light.  but no sound.  because if there is sound, he won't sleep.  so last night when clint is putting him in bed he says to clint...

daddy.  what night is it?

clint: it's monday night, why?

well, on monday nights mom lets me have sound.  so turn up the sound, please.  

this is total bs.  TOTAL.

but guess who had sound?

yep.  this kid.  this kid had sound.

four.

well, i'm there again.

you know, that place where you are one hundred percent positive you have completely and totally failed as a parent.

it started this morning when my 4 year old kicked me.

yes.  you read that right.

KICKED ME.

i was squatting down trying to reason with him and he didn't like when i said, "no.  you don't get the headphones now.  i'm sorry.  you made the poor choice."  it was then.  he kicked me.  in the neck/throat area.

i wanted to do several things.

1. cry
2. hold him down and beat him
3. cry
4. drop him off on the steps of the nearest catholic church with a note that read: "dear father, this child needs an exorcism.  i don't want him back until his head stops spinning."
5. cry

i ended up not doing any of these things.  i stood up, took two steps back and told him that he needed to go to time out.

now listen.  if i had just kicked someone and they told me to go to timeout i would have been running there.  because you would normally expect much worse.

but i didn't want to spank him because i felt like i would be hitting him for kicking me.  and that just doesn't make any sense.  well, it DIDN'T make any sense.

but then...then he said, "i'm not going to time out.  i'm not doing anything you tell me."

and that's when i lost my sheet.

and i "spanked" him.  if you can even call it that.

so now i'm sitting here upset.  bothered.  thinking i have done everything wrong.

he has continued to make poor choices today.  he has lost his little b for 4 days.  and his fish tank has also been taken away.  he thinks the paradise pets man came and got them.  his response: "man, he was fast.  what does he drive?  a police man car?"

these days are hard.  oh so hard.  4 isn't looking good, folks.

dear boys.

dear boys,

i'm beating a dead horse here.  but i think it's worth it.

by the time you read this, you will have heard me say, "be kind" at least one million times.  there is a reason for that.  because there is nothing more important than being kind to those around you.  and i'm not just talking about me and your daddy.  and your grandparents.  and your teachers.

i'm talking about being kind to people who you see in the grocery store.  in the book store.  at college.  (should you choose to go there.  i'm down with you starting a band.  but only if you have a tattoo like adam lambert's with "mom" in a heart.  because let's be honest.  i'm the ONLY one down with the band idea.  your dad will go on and on about how important a college education is for a job.  whatevs.  i have a college education and i have NO job.  don't tell your dad i said this. if you tell him, there will be no band.)

you will inevitably deal with situations where it's easy to follow the crowd.  it's easy to talk about someone.  someone different than you.  someone who looks different.  who acts different.  talks different.  BELIEVES different.

i don't care what it is.  you both need to take the high road, the one less traveled and be different.  

be different from the crowd.

be kind.  even when that's not the popular choice.  or the easy way.

listen.  the easy way is never the best way.  your granny, the lady who lives here in this house with us and moves things, shuts doors, etc....she always said, "anything worth doing, is worth doing right."  and right usually isn't easy.

i love you both.  so, so much.

xoxo,
mommy.