four.

well, i'm there again.

you know, that place where you are one hundred percent positive you have completely and totally failed as a parent.

it started this morning when my 4 year old kicked me.

yes.  you read that right.

KICKED ME.

i was squatting down trying to reason with him and he didn't like when i said, "no.  you don't get the headphones now.  i'm sorry.  you made the poor choice."  it was then.  he kicked me.  in the neck/throat area.

i wanted to do several things.

1. cry
2. hold him down and beat him
3. cry
4. drop him off on the steps of the nearest catholic church with a note that read: "dear father, this child needs an exorcism.  i don't want him back until his head stops spinning."
5. cry

i ended up not doing any of these things.  i stood up, took two steps back and told him that he needed to go to time out.

now listen.  if i had just kicked someone and they told me to go to timeout i would have been running there.  because you would normally expect much worse.

but i didn't want to spank him because i felt like i would be hitting him for kicking me.  and that just doesn't make any sense.  well, it DIDN'T make any sense.

but then...then he said, "i'm not going to time out.  i'm not doing anything you tell me."

and that's when i lost my sheet.

and i "spanked" him.  if you can even call it that.

so now i'm sitting here upset.  bothered.  thinking i have done everything wrong.

he has continued to make poor choices today.  he has lost his little b for 4 days.  and his fish tank has also been taken away.  he thinks the paradise pets man came and got them.  his response: "man, he was fast.  what does he drive?  a police man car?"

these days are hard.  oh so hard.  4 isn't looking good, folks.