dear pratt.

dear pratt,

mothers day is in a two days. you don't understand the meaning of it yet, but someday you will. it's for moms. it's a day to honor moms all around the world. (or maybe united states. i'm not sure. but it should be universal if it's not already).

i'm sure that as you grow up, you'll ask the same question to me that i asked of my mother, "why do moms have a certain day? and why can't kids have their own day?"

it wasn't until recently that i really understood it...but as my mom told me many times, "every single day is kids day." i've realized this because of you. you are so blessed with so many who love you. your grandparents rarely ever come and see us without bringing something for you. with no special occasion at all. except that they get to see your smiling face.

while technically this is my second mothers day...i count it as my first.

i was talking to your daddy the other night. we were discussing mothers day. i told him that the only thing i wanted was a note. a note from him. handwritten. this is my love language. words. letters. thoughts. there is nothing more romantic than a man who can write. music. lyrics. notes. whatever. remember this. it will help you with the girls as you get older. like, 30...older. or maybe even 45. or maybe even after i die, older.

anyway, i started really thinking about what being a mommy means to me.

and ironically, it's not about me at all.

it's about your daddy. and you. and yoda and ace. it's about our days together. and when we all three snuggle in the bed. in the middle of that big bed. it's about our trips to target. and the river market. it's about simple times like being on the floor. playing with patty the penguin. and soft bear. it's about all of us sitting at the dinner table. laughing. giggling. hearing you attempt words like "cat" or "daddy".

being a mommy is only special because i have someone to be a mommy to.

i love you baby boy. i am so proud to be your mommy.

we love you.

pincer grasp...check.

so, nana bought pratt some gerber yogurt bites. nana and i didn't really know when we could give them to him. the package said they were for crawler stage. i was holding off, but cookie convinced me to try them the other night. (i was still a little gun shy about the choking incident...but i guess they do melt in your mouth).

so, we tried breaking them apart with pratt. he LOVED them!

and i captured this today for nana. since she hasn't yet seen this in person! he totally has his pincer grasp down! woohoo pratt! supposedly they develop this sometime between 9 and 12 months, i think.

he is such a deliberate little guy. he loves my "mom" necklace and everytime he sees it, it's like he slows himself down...just slow enough to concentrate on grabbing it and trying to put it in his mouth.

he changes so much every single day. enjoy.

little summer shorts.

i know y'all get sick of seeing all these pictures...but i NEVER get sick of taking them. so, these are for those family members that don't get to see pratt enough. because we live too far...because our lives are so busy...or whatever else.

enjoy.

i LOVE these little shorts. nana got the outfit for him and i just think he looks so grown up in it! breaks my heart into a million pieces...

middle ground.

on the 12th of every month...around 930 at night, you can find me in the bed, with my bedside lamp on...reading my "what to expect the first year" book.

silly? probably. but it's what i do the night before pratt turns one month older.

for a few months now, i've worked on sign language with him. simple words. cat, dog, eat, milk, and more. oh, and sleepy.

i'm not sure it's working, but there are days when i look at pratt and think, "man, i wish he could talk. i know he has so much to say." it's in the way he looks at me. you all know what i mean. just the other night my mom said the same thing. it's how he looks at you with those inquisitive eyebrows. and sort of squints his eyes together like he's thinking.

the other day i walked into the kitchen to grab something to drink. i literally left him on his tummy, on his blanket for...maybe 20 seconds. i returned to find him with ace's chew toy about an inch away from his mouth. pratt had his mouth wide open. it was like slow motion.

i ran over and quickly took it from pratt. and i almost yelled, "NO!".

but i didn't. i'm not sure what stopped me. i think maybe that he's so incredibly sensitive. if you raise your voice (at someone else in the room), he flips out. his bottom lip comes out...and he immediately begins to cry. if i laugh too loud (which i do frequently), he will immediately look to me to see what he should do. it's that looking at his mom or dad to find out what his own reaction should be.

scary.

my friend tanna recently blogged about saying "no-no" to her little girl. she wondered if brylee understood. or if she should even say it.

i wonder the same thing.

a month ago, i read where around 8 months, some babies will understand "no"...now, whether or not they obey...totally different story. and according to the "what to expect" people, around 10 months, most babies get it. again, obeying....not yet, probably.

i've said no to pratt several times. when he tries to pull my nose off my face with his incredibly sharp talons (amy, that's for you :). when he grabs ace's playtoys and attempts to put them in his mouth. etc. etc.

yet, everytime i do it, i remember dr. john murphy. and the school i've had thus far. and how i know better than to go around saying "no-no" all the time. i don't want pratt's first word to be "no." i don't want him to be the kid that says it over and over and over again. because they do that. and i find it incredibly frustrating. but i also don't want to be the parent that never says no...and so their kid is running around the grocery store knocking over old people and breaking hips.

so where is the middle ground?

i'm not sure.

but here is what i am sure about. i know that if i'm going to go being all negative, it might help to instead be positive. it might help to tell him what he can do...not just what he isn't allowed to do.

instead of always saying, "no, don't grab ace's toys." instead i should say, "pratt, those are ace's toys. here are your toys. let's play with these."

yada yada. i know my mom is rolling her eyes thinking, "oh my goodness. i knew that masters in psychology would come back to haunt me. they might as well go live in the woods in tents." whatever, cookie :)

i have several friends who do this. and i love being around them. it's nice to hear things differently. but it's hard. it's not typical. and it's certainly not easy.

but who said this was supposed to be easy, right?

in other news: i lowered pratt's bed yesterday afternoon. he's getting so close to pulling up, i got worried he'd tump himself out of his bed. also, this morning he started screaming. LOUD, people! LOUD! and it's not an upset scream...more just finding-his-voice-and-it's-freaking-loud-and-he's-a-boy-scream!

good times ahead, i can already tell!

have great thursdays!

a music video for you...

allshookup

so this is a video of clint singing...and pratt dancing.

i took it a few nights ago and haven't been able to share it until now (it was done in windows movie maker..and that wasn't really compatible with blogger).

for those of you who know clint...you know he LOVES to sing. and he sings well...and it's one of my most favorite things about him. he used to sing in organic chemistry lab. and from what i understand, he sang all the time in dental school. and according to the girls at work, he sings now. :)

so enjoy. and enjoy pratt's "dancing". before i got the camera out, he "danced" a little better. of course...isn't that how it always works?!

oh, and ps. according to old friends, clint had a bluejean jacket with a puff painted elvis on the back when he was younger. so the voice comes naturally...

a few things.

as my friend laura would say...excuse the randomness of this post...but i have a few things that i need to get down on paper. or here. what would this be? not really paper...what, "get down on the blog"? i dunno...anyway.

one. i FINALLY got all of the laundry baskets empty and put away. seriously y'all. it was getting out of control. i would put clean/dirty laundry in there. and then i'd stack random stuff. like, shoes, bibs, necklaces, scarves, etc in them until they were overloaded. i would leave them sitting somewhere and just continue adding crap to them. and then when someone came over, i'd stack them up in a closet. to hide them. it was getting weird. and our dirty clothes were starting to pile up in our closet sans basket. i knew i had to do something about it when i was having to "sniff" clothes to tell if they were clean or dirty. out.of.control, i know.

two. my child is finally eating green vegetables. wooohooo! asparagus and edamame. he had asparagus last night for the first time. straight up. no mixing. and he loved it. craziness, i know. i can't wait to see if his pee smells like asparagus. you all know what i'm talking about....and if you don't, you've never eaten asparagus.

three. if it doesn't stop raining here soon, i'm going to shoot someone. gah. i'm so sick of it. my blog friend mandy (who i have never met :)...but i still consider her my friend.) i read about her and her family and her adorable little boy noah. well, she's friends with some of my friends...and anyway, she inspired me the other day to plant some stuff for our front and back porch. her pictures were great. and she made it seem so easy.

well, i went and spent around 80 dollars at lowes (my new favorite place. they have everything. even "method" products. yay!). 80 dollars that i didn't really have. well, i mean...i had it...but you know. it was very spur of the moment. and mandy had just done such a wonderful job with her collages of plants.

so i get lowes. buy new pots and plants. and potting soil. because i didn't know if we had any left over. and i get home. i notice that one pot doesn't have a drain hole. and i honestly did think about that. about how clint would want to drill me one....but i am a girl of immediate gratification. and you see, i needed to pot those plants at that very moment. i didn't need or want to wait on him to get home, get changed...and then drill me a hole.

well, long road to a small house...this rain...has uprooted my plants. they look terrible. i would take a picture, but i'm wayyyy too embarrased for that. it's that bad. me, "bare naked" as emily called me...always willing to be way too honest...i'm too embarrassed to show you those plants. they are goners. sad day.

four. the challenge is going good for me. it's honestly become very habitual. the other night at small group they had chocolate pizza. you know, from pizza hut. those chocolate dippers. i've never had them...but pretty much you could dip a stick in chocolate, and i'd eat it. and i didn't even bat an eye over those things. walked right past them. grabbed a few strawberries instead. weird. and i almost miss that person. where, oh where did she go?

five. pratt has been choking on his own slobber. yes. the other day in kroger, he choked twice. scary choke. like, couldn't catch his breath for a good 10 seconds. i did a finger swipe and found nothing. i took him to the doctor yesterday. they did a chest x-ray...actually did two chest x-rays. or four because they did two views. anyway, she used a baby film the first time...and then realized he was too long for a baby film. so she had to use an adolescent film. something like that. milkman's baby, people.

basically, our pediatrician just thinks he's extra slobbery. nothing on physical exam or the xray. he's scheduled a swallow test at children's. but it won't be for 3 months. wait time. dr. s. said that if we had any trouble between now and then to do the test...otherwise, we'll cancel it. he chalked it all up to a weak gag reflex. i dunno. it's scary. oh, and speaking of this...what is the deal about how people don't help each other these days? my child is choking, i'm screaming and people are literally walking by me!!! yes, i'm not making this up. i had to actually ask for a woman's help. what?! i dunno. we live in the south, y'all. we're supposed to help around here. i honestly thought about yelling "fire" because people are more likely to help if you yell fire. but then i thought maybe that was only the case if you're being robbed...? who knows.

i think that's it. i'm going to head to the grocery. and maybe call vernon and clara to see if they can do that rain dance. after all...it is wednesday, right? and wasn't wednesday always "opposite day"? that's what i thought...

two whole years.

i've known clint since 1998. it seems like we've known each other forever.

our first date wasn't until 2002. december sixth, 2002. it was a dental school dance. a christmas dance.

i've blogged about it before, but i knew i would marry him that night. after the dance. after everyone was gone. it was just me and him. we were sitting on his bed. in his apartment. and he asked me what i had on my subway sandwich. i laughed and asked why he cared. and he said, "because i want to know what to order for you next time."

i said, (and i quote), "i'm going to marry you."

amazingly, he didn't run away. screaming.

that night, i told him everything about me.

all the good. all the bad. all the ugly.

i never wanted to have secrets from him. and i knew that i was about to fall hard and fast...and i wanted it all out in the open.

we married five years later. on a warm day in south arkansas. it rained the night before. but our indian friend vernon did an anti-rain dance that morning at our wedding brunch. i'm fairly certain he's the reason it didn't rain during the reception.

i wouldn't change anything about the past two years. not a single thing.

this past year has been hard. so many things have changed. but as the saying goes, "what doesn't kill us...only makes us stronger."

and i'd be silly to think that we've made it through on our own. not hardly.

it's been our families. our friends. our church group. and prayer. lots of pyer. and lots of listening. and forgiving. and understanding. lots of putting yourself second...and someone else first.

most of all, it's been because i married someone who loves me...and has continued to put me first. and that's not always easy.

so clint, thank you for choosing me as your wife. thank you for loving me always. even when i'm unlovable.

thank you for putting God first. for being an example to me. for worrying about being an example for pratt. thank you for understanding that it's not always about figuring out why i'm the way i am...instead, it's about loving me regardless.

thank you for working hard. for saving, for budgetting. you know that if it were up to me, we'd be in a box down by the river. thank you for the money at the end of the month when i almost always come up short. :)

thank you for ALWAYS hugging me when you come in the door. for always throwing away those q-tips that don't quite make it to the trash. thank you for keeping my tampons in your glovebox. thank you for always leaving the last bit of milk for me...and for my cereal.

thank you for being exactly what i need. exactly what i dreamed about when i was a little girl.

happy, happy two years.