burnon.

I'm fairly certain that leaving my baby with the nurse to head to the surgery room while I was sent back to the waiting room is the hardest thing I've done since I had to leave him in the NICU 3 years, 8 months and 1 day ago.

I almost started crying. But I didn't. Only because I know it's out of my hands.

I've been explaining to him that he will get medicine to fall asleep. And then he will wake up and it will be out. We have talked about Vernon. And about how he helps people fall asleep. So this morning he kept asking where "Burnon" was ;)




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five.

max's fifth word was spoken today.

Bye bye.

To the Kroger check out lady.

Fitting. As Kroger is our 3rd favorite place to be.


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dear max.

this morning max was dedicated.  or christened.  on his first birthday.

it was such a special day.  and all on mother's day.  we had a wonderful "build max's library" birthday party for him after church.  and then we took long, long naps.  which meant we stayed up until around 9.  yes.  boys too.

i think it was the best day yet.  i'm quite positive it was the best day i've had as a mother.

when i think about how fast time has flown in the past year, it hurts my heart.  i really do wish that they would stay with us forever.  that they would never move away to college.  never get married.  never fall in love with some other girl.

but i guess then they would never experience the love and happiness and joy that i experienced today.

and i want nothing more than that for these two precious angel babies.

thank you boys (all three of you) for making me the happiest mom in the entire world.  my life really was pretty meaningless before you all came along.

dear max,

happy first birthday, sweet boy.

i remember when it was just pratt.  you were in my belly.  and i would dream about what you might look like.  and act like.  and be like.

never in my wildest dreams did i imagine how great you would be.  you are so happy.  so laid back.

you love pratt.  and all animals.  cats and dogs.  and frogs and fish.  you love to eat.  mostly cheese puffs.  the only food you turned your nose up at was scrambled eggs.  and i don't blame you.  yuck.  you crawl like crazy and have tried numerous times to pull up.  you stand with support and i know it's only a matter of days before you take off walking.

you say mama, dada and "at".  which means "pratt" and "cat".  and today...on your first birthday, you said your fourth word.  "ty ty".  i was walking inside from the party when i met tyler with you.  in the mudroom.  he was holding you and he was so excited.  he said, "listen!  watch!  look what he can do." and then in his sweetest voice, he said, "say it max.  say ty ty".  and you did it.  and it really is the sweetest little sound.  you already know to love him.  smart boy.  he will throw you on couches and beds and probably anywhere else you want to be thrown.  just ask pratt.

you don't like windy days.  it seems to take your breath away.  that's pretty much it.  you've had a constant ear infection since october in your left ear.  we go in for a a tube evaluation on thursday.  i'm hoping they will put them in on friday :)  or thursday afternoon would be cool with me.  i'm so ready for you to feel better.  and stop having infection after infection.

i love you.  to the moon and back.  you and your brother and your daddy are my everything.  i cannot imagine life any different than it is right at this second.  i would go back and relive colic a million times.  i really would.  (that is a big statement).  but it's true.

thank you for making me a mommy.  thank you for reminding me of what's important in life.  and thank you for making my heart grow double one year ago today.

i'm so blessed to be your mommy.

xoxo,
mommy.

week 52.

It's really real.




My baby is one day shy of being a one year old baby boy.

He apparently got the memo.

Because since we've been back from vacation, he has been acting like he's 2. It's like it happened overnight.

And it breaks my heart.

Praise the Lord for mirena.

Because right about now, I'd be attempting to convince my husband that we need another child. And he's easily convinced.
I'm gonna post this and then go back and read about the 100 days of colic. That should do some good.

Happy early birthday to my sweet baby boy. I love you more than you loved your first order of French fries.




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tjmaxx.

yesterday i took my kids to tjmaxx.

i know.

i don't know.  i have no idea what i was thinking.

wait.  i was thinking i needed a swimsuit for the b.hamas (as pratt calls it) and i only had 2 days to get one.  and i refuse to pay 120 bucks at dillards.  i knew they had one last year that i bought for like 30.  so off we went.

i took them to chick fil a first.  it's funny because i used to worry about taking pratt there.  because i was always worried he would throw a fit about leaving.  he doesn't do that now.  it's heaven.  so we ate and played and then loaded up across the parking lot to the tjmaxx.

well.  first, i let pratt walk instead of riding in the buggy.  because that thing is tiny.

he kept running through the clothes.  because he's that height.  so that was super horrible.  trying to look for clothes, make sure he didn't get kidnapped and keep max happy was hard.  really, really, really hard.

at one point i actually said, "pratt.  someone is going to take you if you keep running away.  and they aren't gonna be nice.  they won't get you snocones.  and you won't have little b.  so run away if you want.  but i'd advice against it."

for the next 3 minutes he was right by my side.  terrified.  because i'm an awesome mom.  but then he forgot about the i've got ice cream, little boy, man and he circled the clothes again.

finally we got the dressing room.

i had several swimsuits to try on.  which is depressing enough.

i convinced him to take his shorts off and try on some shorts i had gotten for him.  finally, like 3 minutes later (after he made every face in his repertoire to the 3 way mirror) he took off ALL his clothes.  i don't know how he did it without me seeing.  but all of a sudden, i turn around and he's butt naked.  shaking it. screaming, "wook mom!  wook at me!"  i'll stop there.  but yes.  uh huh.

so i asked him to please put his undies back on.  at that, he sat on the floor.  yes.  the bare, concrete floor of the tjmaxx dressing room.

which of course, prompted a good ole', "mom!  this floor is so cold on my penis!" and then he would just fall out laughing.  it was then i heard a lady next to us, giggle.  awesome.

after getting his underwear on,  he tried the shorts on which were of course too big.  i'm still frantically trying to keep max from jumping out of the buggy AND try clothes on.  it was then i cussed every woman who has a job and can do this crap on her lunchbreak.  i'm so jealous.

at some point, i asked him to sing a song.  i suggest "jesus loves me" to which he replied, "i don't know that one."  yes he does.

but before i could remind him that yes, in fact, he does know it well, he says, "i know this one..." and proceeds to sing katy perry.

this is the part of me 
that you never ever take away from me
oh this is the part of me!!!!1
part of me!!!!


i was so embarrassed.  i stopped him.  and forced "jesus loves the little children".  which he agreed to.  thankfully.

he did well for a few minutes and then he asked, "why does your skin stick out like that, momma?"

he was referring to my butt sticking out of the swimsuit at the leg hole.  because well, you know.  why not?

and at that, i called it a day.  and i allllllmost stopped at a liquor store on the way home.  but i didn't.  go, me.

marriage.

it took clint a long time to ask me to marry him.

and by long time, i mean like 8 years of dating.

not really.  but it feels like it.  it was like 6.  or maybe 4.  idk.  it was forever.

our first date was december 6 of 2002.  he asked me to marry him in october of 2006. so 4.  but listen, everyone around me was getting married.  and i was getting old.  like, 25.  bahahahhaaa.  i was not old.  but i thought i was.  anyway.  it was 4 years that felt like 10.

i broke up with him like twice.  because he wasn't sure he'd ever really want to be married.  he was smart. he knew that it would be hard.  and that it would be work.  i had no idea.  everything in my life had been so simple up to then.  i hope this doesn't sound the wrong way...but i had never really wanted for anything.  ever.  some might say i was spoiled.

i disagree.

i realized what things cost.  i realized how hard my parents worked to get along both in front of us and behind closed doors.  i knew how hard my parents worked so they could put food on the table.  none of that was lost on me.

back to the relationship.  he has always been so grown.  so intelligent.  so older than his age.  and so he was aware.

in those four years, we worked towards a marriage.  i see that now.  we talked a whole heck of a lot about babies.  and money.  and church.  and debt.  and other things too.  less important things.  but by the time we got engaged, i knew him like i knew my sister.

i had no questions about what he might say or do in any given situation.  i could honestly tell you what most mattered to him.  and he could do the same for me.  there were NO secrets.  which was huge.  because there had always been secrets from other boyfriends.  even small things.  like how self conscious i was about my fat knees.  seriously.  clint was the only one that knew.

on saturday, it will be five years since we said "i do".

this past year has definitely been the hardest.  it's better now.  much better.  but still, there are hard days with two kids.

but i've never, ever felt like i was sleeping next to a stranger.  i've never felt that i didn't know him just as well today as i did 10 years ago.  and for that, i'm so thankful.

we haven't really had any hard times.  i mean, by comparison.  we've been lucky.  i realize that.

i also realize that he loves me more today than he loved me five years ago.  i have no idea how i found him.  i really don't.  i just know that the first time i saw him, he was wearing a white wife beater, camo cut off shorts and had the longest sideburns i had ever seen.  and he was really tan.  he was sitting in that zoology lab thinking he was the stuff.  little did i know, he was.  he is.  he really is the best.

so clint, if you're reading this...thank you for loving me.  i know it's incredibly hard sometimes.  thank you for putting up with me.  for never getting mad about all the q-tips that don't make it into the trashcan.  for always accepting that your laundry will never really all be done.  for letting me stay home and be a mom while you work your butt off at two jobs.

i love you back.  may our boys grow up to be just.like.you.

xoxo.

and my favorite picture that i came across today.  it never gets old looking at those discs.

pop pop.

dear pratt,

You are one lucky little boy. You and your brother (and your cousin Liza) have a certain someone wrapped around your little finger.




he's the first man I ever loved.
and he loves you as much as he has ever loved me.
you lucky dog.
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