dear pratt.

dear pratt,

in two days you will start kindergarten.

where has the time gone? what in the world did we do for 5 years and 11 months?

i shall start at the beginning.

you arrived.  your lungs were hurt so you stayed in the hospital a week without me.  your daddy cried because we had to leave you there.  your pop pop cried mid-prayer the first night we came home without you.  finally you came home.  ace sniffed you.  decided he loved you.  you were happy.  i was not.  i cried all.the.time.  i was scared and in a town where i knew NOT A SINGLE PERSON.  dad opened a brand new office.  and left crazy at home to be with you.  cookie left me here alone too.  i cried more.  and more.  3 months later, you slept all night long.  you napped like a champ.

i was finally better.
we found a church.
we made friends.

you and i became best pals.
i learned how to grocery shop with a baby.  how to target shop with a baby.

i learned how to drive to camden with a baby.
i was comfortable with you wherever life would take us.
i HAD this.

you turned one.  you were healthy.  and happy.  and smart.  so smart.
you began to walk.  cautious, but you were doing it.
we went to the park.  daddy would meet us on his lunch break.  you would slide and giggle and ask for more.

we took our first trip to the pumpkin patch.  you were a hippo for halloween.  we called you pratt-opotamus.  you helped daddy carve the pumpkin.  you helped me make our first chocolate chip pumpkin muffins.  you cracked your first egg.

you pooped in the bathtub for the first time.

you helped me with laundry.  you would pull all the clothes out of the dryer and scoot them to my room so we could fold them and watch cartoons.

christmas came and you were given 2857234987349734972 toys that year.  you were officially spoiled.

mr. rayper came and cut down a bunch of trees in the backyard and pulled them out and loaded them up with his mules.  you stood out there all day to watch.  you fell in love with all of it.  you and daddy went on a small roadtrip to get a four wheeler.  you stopped in hope to eat at mcdonalds.  just you and daddy.  you had a happy meal.  chicken nuggets.  you received and fell in love with your first pair of boots. from pops.  you refused to take them off.

you made your first snowball.  and loved being outside in the cold.  we lured you back in with hot chocolate.  you ate only the marshmallows.

you and daddy started setting up rabbit traps for the bunny in our front yard.
we saw the wizard of oz at robinson theater.  you lasted until intermission.
you dumped an entire container of baby powder on the wood floors. then you helped me clean it up.  it took like 4 hours.

we went to the beach.  you were the only child.  liza and max weren't born yet.  and you loved it.  sugar and ty ty spoiled you so much.  the pratt reunion was held in eureka springs.  you loved everyone.  and they all loved you.

you had started talking and you never stopped.

you turned 2.  you potty trained 10 days later.  you had ONE accident.  it was in november.  we were on our way to thanksgiving in camden.  you never slept in pull-ups.  you just got it.  at a very early age.  it wasn't me.  or anything i did.  it was all you.

i found out i was pregnant.  we found out it was a little boy.

you were thrilled.  so excited.

max was born.  i lost my mind.  he screamed his face off for like 124 days.  i lost my mind some more.  you never complained.  you only thumped him on the head one time.  and when i asked you why you said, "because he just fries, momma.  all the time.  fry fry fry.  and i can't take it, momma."

i didn't blame you.  i couldn't either.  so i don't even remember scolding you.

i remember coming home at one point from getting my haircut.  you and daddy were at the kitchen table.  you had on earmuffs.  you were eating cereal.  i could hear max screaming but didn't know where he was.  turns out, you two had put him in the front room because you didn't want to listen to the screams.  daddy said he couldn't do it.  he needed to leave.  i wanted to punch daddy in the throat because I DID IT EVERY SINGLE DAY.  but i didn't.  you're welcome.

four months later max was better.  so was i.

max stopped screaming and you were the best brother to him.  you would hold his pacifier in his mouth for him.  you would get me bottles.  you would help change his diapers.

you took a trip to new orleans with cookie and sugar.

you turned 3.  you got a fish.  it died.  you got another fish.  it died too.  

you found a lizard.  and a turtle.  and a frog.  we had so many animals in our house.  

life at this point was easy and good.  you had friends.  we had play dates.  we went to the library.  we went swimming.

we went to the bahamas with andy and clara and anderson.  you have claimed it was the best trip ever.  i agree.  you kissed a dolphin.  it was awesome.

you turned 4.  you started preschool.  you loved every single minute of it.
you turned 5.  started your second year of preschool.

you spend the night with pops and jackie.
went on the disney cruise with cookie, denise, elaine and kendall.
went to st. louis with nana.
you are and always have been a world traveler.  like a good one.

you graduated preschool.  i cried.
you registered for kindergarten.  i cried more.

you had open house for kindergarten.

here we are.

in the beginning, life seemed to drag on.
recently, it has seemed to fly by.

days can be long...but the years seem so short.  as i've said before, i was there for all of it.  but i couldn't have gotten through the first four months of max's life without you.  you were my friend when i was lonely. you made me laugh when i needed it the most.

and in the days following max's diagnosis, you were the one that kept me going.  i would randomly ask you if you thought max would be okay...if he would ever talk.  and you would always say, "of course momma.  why wouldn't he?"

your innocence was good for my soul.  your belief in the good got me through the hard days.

there are times when you leave me...for school or a fishing trip with daddy, when i just want to hold you in my arms and never let go.

but i know that's not fair.  i know that's keeping you from the world. and i want you to embrace this place.  i want you to live life to the fullest.  i want you to meet as many people as you can.  i want you to touch as many lives as possible.  i know in my heart that you are a difference maker.

i also know that you are one of the most sensitive people i have ever met.

and so you will, at some point, realize that the world is a sad, depressing place.

and while you will have this overwhelming desire to fix it, and make it better, please remember that you can only control yourself.  and as much as you will want to control other aspects of life, you simply cannot.

so just do your part.  be kind.  put others first.  love your neighbor.  see the beauty in the small things.  be good.

it is there you will find happiness.

i love you more than you love wild kratts.  more than you love betty crocker blueberry muffins.  more than you loved Putra from the disney cruise.

i cannot wait to watch you grow and blossom and make so many people happy this year.

i love you pratt.
so, so much.
xoxo, momma.