i need you to know something.
it hit me recently. and has continued to itch right at the back of my head. i can feel it. it's there. and it's persistent. and until i get it out, it's not going to stop. maybe granny has something to do with it. probably. that's probably it.
anyway.
at 34, i'm more aware of this fleeting life we live. how short is really is. how we can be gone in a mere minute...a second, even.
and so this has got me thinking.
if something happens to me. or you. i need you to know something.
let me back up.
me, growing up, was pure hell. i know. i lived it.
and now, as a mother, to imagine my child as depressed as i sometimes (read: most of the time) was...it's heartbreaking. i can remember that note you wrote me, mom. i couldn't have been 10. where you said that there would be times when i was sad. but you wanted me to understand that people loved me. so many people loved me.
i mean, age 13 to 18 couldn't have been fun. it's amazing you both (and spencer too) didn't put me up for adoption.
so i just want you to know, that now, at this very moment of my life...all is well. all is wonderful.
perfect? no. of course not. nothing is perfect.
but it's as close to perfect as one could get. i am loved by the three boys in this house.
i have no idea how i am here. how this worked out for me. because i didn't do anything to deserve it. i know that. and i'm aware of that. so i'm extra thankful at this point.
thank you for never giving up on me. for never throwing your hands up and shouting, "we are done with you." for never rolling your eyes when i career hopped ten/twenty times. thank you for valuing the job i have now.
you have given me a childhood that i could have only dreamed about. and if i can be half of what you were to me...to pratt and max, then i've succeeded.
i love you both.
hannah.
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