dear pratt.

dear pratt,

this past sunday, a friend of ours sat by us in church. her name is janet. her husband's name is rick. they introduced themselves to us when we first started going to church there about a year ago. over the past few months, we've gotten to know them.

she is one of those people who is so friendly and sweet and always goes out of her way to greet us when she sees us.

it had been a few sundays since i had seen her, and as she sat down sunday morning, i mentioned that to her. said something about how i had missed her. and hoped everything was okay. she turned to me and said, "my father passed away this past week. he had a stroke and didn't live long after that. he had parkinson's disease."

i immediately apologized for her loss. told her i was so sorry. she said, "thank you. my father was an incredible man. he really lived his life. everyone should live their life like my daddy did. he was a great, great man."

tears started welling up in my eyes at that point. for many reasons.

one. because i cry anytime anyone else does.
two. because i cry anytime anyone talks about their parents.
three. because i need to be on medication.

i sat there next to miss janet. trying to keep from crying. wiping away any tear that escaped.

i immediately began to think of funny things. like the episode of everybody loves raymond where debra tries to pick up the turkey with her bare hands, but it's so oily and slippery that it slips out of her hands, onto the floor. and raymond says something ridiculous like "whoopsey daisy!", trying to be funny. and so debra just picks it up off the floor and slams it in the oven. and then slams the oven door shut. so, so funny.

but that didn't work. i couldn't shake it. all i could think about was how much she must be hurting. how she must feel like a part of her is missing. how there will be times when she picks up the phone to call home, fully expecting, fully hoping he answers, yet he never will.

and so i'd start crying all over again.

miss janet got up during a song and lit a candle for her father. and said a prayer. i watched her carefully and when she returned, i could tell she had been crying again. i leaned over and put my arm around her. she turned to me at that point and said, "do you have your father?"

i uttered, "yes, i do." and then started crying again.

you won't get this until you're much older, but parents are the some of the most important people in your life. me and your daddy.

for many reasons. here are a few.

because no matter what you do, we will always love you. no matter how many doors you slam. how many times you storm off to your room. no matter how many times you tell me that i just don't understand, i will always love you.

because we will always take your side. even if we don't act like it. it's because sometimes we have to hide it. for your sake. but deep down, when i get in the bed at night, i'll be on your side.

because we can teach you what worked and didn't work from us. and learning by example is a great way to learn.

because we will be the ones to give you an allowance. and who doesn't like money?

for all those reasons, and many more that you will discover as you grow up...we do love you. and we do want the very best for you.

my friend debbie lost her mother recently. she made a comment to me that i think speaks volumes. she said,

i didn't realize how strong my mom made me by being so supportive and loving.

what an awesome thing to say about a mother. what an incredible mother mrs. alexander must have been.

i feel like i can say the same about my own mother. the other night when you got sick. who did i call? my mom. at midnight. to ask her what to do. because moms ALWAYS know.

i hope that one day you can say that about me.

i hope that one day you can say that you were strong because of me. because of the cheering i did for you. because you knew i always believed in you.

it will be then, that i feel i've done a good job.

done a good job, at the most important job i have...or will ever have.

being your mommy.

i love you pumpkin.