light. moon. egg. leaf.

i'm an avid reader. like, when i was little, and we'd go out to dinner my parents would have to tell me to put the book down and enjoy the company and EAT.

no one is having to remind me to eat these days...but i still choose reading over visiting most anyday. i'm antisocial :) just kidding. well, kind of.

i've been reading to pratt since he was born. when he was just a baby, i'd read to him while he was sleeping. vogue. at home. southern living. anything. i'd read instructions for cooking outloud. recipes. anything. as a new mom, it was just me and him for so many hours of so many days. so that's what i did to keep from losing my...well, to keep from losing ALL of my mind.

so you can imagine the joy these past few days when pratt has curled up on "moms couch" aka our bed, with a few great books.

goodnight moon. the very hungry caterpillar. if you take a mouse to the movies.

i first noticed it when reading goodnight moon a few nights ago. he kept pointing at the rabbit and telling me that he was "awake". and then when we got to the last page, he'd say, "now asleep". i was pretty impressed that he understood the entire book was about getting ready for bed. and getting quiet. and telling everything goodnight.

but then again, he impresses me by peeing in the potty or walking up the stairs. after all, i'm his mom. so i'm impressed by pretty much everything.

in his own way, he can tell you what happens when you take a mouse to the movies.

"popcorn!"
"swing (string) it all to-get-er!"
"kwissmas tree!"
"snowman!"
"carrot!"

you get the picture. and speaking of, yes, he's probably getting it from the pictures, but still. i was so proud.

so last night, we get out the very hungry caterpillar. one of my favorites.

i took a video on my phone, so i'll have to put it on here. it's so cute.

the first page, he says, light, moon, egg, leaf!

then, sun, pop!

it is absolutely adorable. and not just because he's my son. but because it reminds me that all those times i read to him, when he wasn't listening...paid off. for a long time i thought he needed to be sitting in my lap watching the pages turn.

not so. sometimes he was drawing. sometimes he was coloring. sometimes he was stacking blocks.

it didn't matter. it all sunk in.

and it's so nice to know that in the midst of all the chaos that is an almost 2 year old little boy, there is something i did right.

i read to him.

and he listened. and even better...he loved it.

oh how i love him.

thirty one.

i turned thirty one years old yesterday. man, that is old.

i know. when i was a little girl, i thought 16 was old. then when i was 16, i thought 30 was old. those were the women who drove suburbans, went to the pool with their kids, and had their lives all figured out.

hahaaa! right. all figured out, my rear.

all figured out. no.

but let's see. what am i?

i am much more confident in myself. in my decisions. in my thoughts. in my feelings.

i am happier than ever before.

i still don't know what i want to be when i grow up. maybe a secretary. that'd be nice.

i appreciate my family more now than ever. i see what having grandparents is all about. i missed out on that. and i'm so happy that pratt isn't missing any of it.

i have learned how to forgive, and most importantly...how to ask for forgiveness. i've learned to put my pride aside in certain situations. i've learned how to really walk in other people's shoes. i'm most proud of these few things, i think.

i've become more confident in being a mom. no, i don't know how to do time out. and i don't know what to do when pratt hits me. but i know that i'm doing the best i can do. and i know that when i feel overwhelmed, clint is right beside me, ready to help with whatever i need.

30 was a good year. i grew more in that year than maybe ever before. i grew in times of happiness. and i grew in times of sheer and indescribable pain. and i grew in all those times in between.

here are a few pictures from this past weekend. friday night my parents and sister had a bday party for me in hot springs. saturday we went to eat at nancy's for mine and doug's birthday. and then yesterday, on my real birthday, my sweet friend stacy brought me a real cake. :) because as she said, everyone deserves a real cake on their birthday.

thanks for everyone for the birthday wishes. i really did have a wonderful, wonderful birthday!

On the fence.

So. He dumped out his cinnamon toast crunch. Into the floor. Who knows why.

So I said to him, "please put that cereal back in the bowl."

And this is what he did...



And so now I'm trying to figure out if it's creative and totally right brained...or if it's passive aggressive.

Hmm...

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p.

i think i'll save this for his book jacket photo. cause he'll need one when he's the next great harper lee.

in male form, of course...



and here are some others that were pretty good too. he's holding our arts & crafts project of the day in that one picture. a butterfly. as you can tell, he's thrilled about it. he'd much rather be outside, but i just can't do it. not with a heat index of 111.

no thank you, heat stroke.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

sunday at church, the preacher spoke on something that i thought was letter worthy. it was taken from psalm 107: 1 through 9, and verse 43.

it's about God's love for us. his unfailing, unwavering, unconditional love.

i don't know how old you will be when you first read this, but regardless let me tell you something that should be easy to understand. easy to comprehend.

God is love.

people will make Him out to be something so complex. something so big. so overwhelming. and while at times, He may feel like that...really, the essence of him, the take home message is just that. those three words. God is love.

love being a verb. not a noun. that's an important part.

for a while now, i've tried to put into words how different my relationship with God is because of you. because of your existence. but i can't. i get all tongue tied. and teary eyed. and lost in emotion.

but yesterday, the preacher did an excellent job of saying, of expressing just what i've tried to express, but have been unable to do.

he told this story. a story about himself. about his first born. a daughter. he told about how when she was born, he bought a brand new outfit for her. for her to go home in. how he told the nurses that he wanted to dress her. he wanted to carry her out of the hospital and put her in the car. he told about how when he would get home from work at night, he would eat his dinner on the floor so he could sit next to her. about how he would put her up near the sink in the mornings when he was getting ready for work.

he talked about she never knew all the things he was doing for her. she never knew how much he loved her. and he expressed that he wasn't doing these things for anything in return.

nope, instead, he was doing them because he loved her.

a quote from my dear friend emily comes to mind, "you like someone because. you love someone although." pretty good, huh? she's smart.

the preacher went on to say that when his daughter got older, she began to crawl to him. and for the first time, she showed interest in him. and it was because of all the time he spent loving her when she was too young to remember. and how her loving him was so powerful to him. it was heavenly.

i feel the exact same way. he likened his love for his daughter to God's love for us. we don't have to do anything to receive it.

you don't have to do anything for me to love you. i will love you no matter what.

and just think of this. if i, little ole me, if i feel that way, imagine what God feels like. imagine how much He loves you. it's overwhelming. and wonderful. and makes me warm inside.

so one day, when you have your own child, remember this. remember how much i love you. and even though, i'll never be good at verbalizing it, this is exactly how i feel.

you are a complete joy. i wouldn't trade a single moment of our days.

thank you for making me a mommy.

i love you sugar pie.

help, mom. monk monk poop.

So this weekend Clint and I finished up pratts new playroom. We got all his toys moved up and decided that whatever toys don't fit in the new Elfa shelving...well, that means he has too many. And we will give them away. Don't feel sorry for him, the shelves hold a tremendous amount of stuff.

It's a hit. The playroom, that is. The first night he told Clint, "dad, sit. Stay."

And to the woman who gained 40+ pounds with him pregnant, the woman who pumped her life away, the woman who wipes his butt ALL day, the woman who lets him sit on her lap WHILE she goes potty, well...that woman was told, "mom, up, go" as he pointed out the door.

Yes. I asked him again for clarity. And got the same, "up mom. Bye!"

Not much has changed since that night. Today, Monday, he shut me out again.

Only to come to me when he needed help. Apparently sock monkey crapped himself.

So pratt comes to me for help.

"help, mom. Monk monk potty."









And that's all he really needed me for. To hand him the diaper and fasten it. Then it was back to the playroom...without mom.

With the door closed.

If anyone needs me, I'm home. With a broken heart...



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great grandparents.

Visits with grandma teddy bear and the greatest never seem to last long enough. I can safely say that so many of clints fondest memories involve grandma with books and coloring books and crayons.

He always says that she had everything and would always let he and Colby play and draw. Not much has changed. She does the same thing for pratt.

And she gave him every food he asked for. Blueberries, m&ms, chips, apples.

We are so glad we got to visit. We love you two so much.

Here are some pictures...



































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