dear boys.

dear boys,

today i am 39 weeks pregnant with either your baby brother or baby sister.

i'm thinking boy.

but whatever it is...i just have a few things i want to say to you both.  before the chaos ensues.

so pratt,

YOU, son, are the reason i know that i'll make it through the next 6 months of life.  i know that you'll be there to give me jokes.  to hug me.  to love me.  to sit really close to me on the couch.  i know you'll be there to help with max.  to say things like, "you're the best mom ever" when i throw my hands into the air and say, "sure.  go watch sponge bob.  i don't even care anymore".

i look at you and find so much pride.  so much happiness.  so much goodness.

and i know that i did something right.  that we made it.  me and you.  in those first few months when life seemed so dark.  i did okay.

because you, son...you are so great.

and max,

YOU, child, you are the reason that i know no matter how much screaming takes place...there is light at the end of the tunnel.

i remember wondering how i would ever love anyone like i loved pratt.

and then, at some point, i just did.  i loved you as much as i had ever loved pratt.

and i wasn't even trying.  and you weren't even an easy baby.  you screamed your face off for 124 days.  constantly.  screaming and kicking and writhing in colic pain.

but then...around 6 months, you turned into the happiest, most content baby ever.  you were easy.  and fun.  and hilarious.  and laid back.  you never threw a fit.  you never screamed.  you never did anything but laugh and smile and eat.

now, when i put you to bed, my heart almost bursts with pride.

you are the kindest 4 year old i have ever known.  you are funny and sharp and have a love for other people and other animals like nothing i have ever seen before.

so.

if it weren't for you two, i wouldn't have ever wanted a third.

please know that when the chaos starts.  when the darkness rolls in.  and when i'm crying and losing my mind...please know that it's a phase.  and that i'm not perfect.  but that i love you.  i love you both more than i have ever loved anything in the world.

i am so lucky you two are mine.

and this baby...this third baby...he or she is so lucky too.

they have FOR SURE won the big brother lottery.

xxoo,
momma.