show and tell.

often i hear what other people are worried about and i can't help but roll my eyes.

i'm ashamed i do this.  but i do it so often you wouldn't realize i was ashamed of it.  you'd think i would spend more time working on it.  but it's so hard.

because my main worry is max.

he's been my main worry for over a year now.

i worry about the normal stuff too.  like pratt.  and clint.  and my parents.  i worry about my sister.  i worry about life.

but mostly, i worry about max.  and about him talking.  or him not talking.

while he's making strides...huge strides, he still doesn't sound like the "typical" 3 year old.

and so this morning, when i got this email...i fell into tears.

a few things.

one.  sure i'll send the pictures.  and i'll work on everything with max.  i'll even attach a post it with the names of everyone so that his teachers will know what he's saying.

two. i KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that he is in the BEST place for him.  i know that his teachers will encourage him to talk.  i know that his classmates won't wonder why he can't speak as clearly as they can.  i know that not a single child will make fun of him.

and three.  i know that it WILL be fun for him.  he actually will be so proud to stand and show his pictures.

but until you've stood in my shoes...until you've been the mom with the child that doesn't "look like/sound like/act like" the other "typical" kids, you don't understand.

and so i get it.

but let me beg something of you.

teach your children to be kind.

my second worry is about when max starts kindergarten.  i don't worry about pratt making new friends. i don't worry about him in the cafeteria.  i don't worry about him on the playground.  he is capable and sure of himself and he is just fine.  will he eventually have his feelings hurt?  YES.  but pratt fits in well with other kids.  he looks like, sounds like, acts like the majority of the children he's in school with.

i hate apraxia.  i hate that we have to deal with this.  i hate this is what my baby has been given.  i would do anything to take it on for him.  i would give anything to fight this battle for him.

but i can't.  and it's such a helpless, lousy feeling.

i know there will be a day when max gets up with a picture...and can tell story after story about his life. and his family and his pets.  but that day isn't monday, september 8th.

i pray it is soon.  and i pray he remains happy and carefree.

say a prayer for all those dealing with their own issues this morning.

and recognize that maybe your own problems are minuscule compared to others.
i'll do the same.

update to this post, 12:55 pm.

i just received this text from max's therapist, ashley.

there are just no words.  if you zoom in, you can see that she's even included pictures as to how his mouth should look when he says the words.

i just, i don't know.  ashley will never know what this means to me.  she will only understand how i feel when she has children of her own one day.  i'll be there to shower her with gifts and to hold the baby while she sleeps and showers and shops and anything else she might want to do.

because she loves my max.  and as my friend marietta said, "she's got a good heart.  she's not only doing what she is supposed to, but she cares.".

she absolutely does.

so ashley, i love you.  and i'm so blessed to call you our friend and our speech therapist.