37 minutes.

The past few nights, actually it's been about a week, pratt hasn't really slept in his own bed. He has slept with us because of the reunion or has fallen asleep in our bed, only to be put in his own bed when he's already asleep.

Last night he stayed with sugar and Ty Ty. I get it. I get why he loves to sleep with us. It makes sense. I'd much rather sleep with clint than without him.

But. He's a baby. And he has to get his rest. It's important. And not enough sleep and too much sugar are two of the many reasons kids have behavior problems these days. And so I'm choosing to believe dr. Weissbluth. Because I know what it looks like when pratt hasn't gotten enough sleep.

When he was 4 months old, it took 84 minutes. tonight it took 37. It was the longest 37 minutes of my life. He kept screaming my name.

Here he is. First, standing and crying.

Then almost asleep standing up.

And then finally, he had given up the fight. Well, everything but his right arm.

Poor guy...

















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a few things.

i drove a bit today by myself, so i had time to think. and i remembered a few things that i needed to jot down.

one. today pratt brushed his teeth and then he brushed elmo's teeth. not because i prompted him. i never did. it was all him. i thought it was great. he said, "brush elmos teeth." and then he did it. i love him.

two. the other night, dad picked him up to carry him inside. as he did, pratt stared at him for a really long time. we both laughed at him. it was like he wanted to make sure dad was who he thought it was. dad asked him, "it's me pratt. is that okay?". and pratt answered yes. it was. and dad said, "good. if it's ever not okay, don't tell me. never let me know. because it will kill me." i love him too. so much.

three. i wonder if i will ever stop worrying about pratt. about his well being. i can't remember who said it to me, but someone told me that once you have a child, your heart is forever outside your body. and you no longer control it. and i didn't know this emotion, until now. everytime pratt goes away from me, with clint...or anyone else, i worry.

i can't help but think of all i have to lose. and i worry. i'm overwhelmed with worry. i'm trying to figure out if this is normal. or if maybe i'm overly anxious. it's possible that i am. because i'm a pratt. and that's our genetic nature. to be overly anything. anxious. depressed. happy. whatever. just pick an emotion. and i've been on that roller coaster.

today, i figured out why being a parent is so hard. it's because it takes so much of me. all of me. and that's my choice. it doesn't have to. but it's like with anything else, anything worth doing, is worth doing right. right, dad?

and so i feel so much pressure on me. on my shoulders. at times, i literally can feel it. the weight of it all. and when pratt leaves me, to go with someone else, for a moment, that weight is gone.

but as quickly as it's gone, it seeps back in again. only it's in a different shell. it looks different, feels different. i worry about how i can't control things around him. how i can't manipulate the situation and stop something from happening. how it's all out of my hands....

i can't imagine him being 18 and going to college. i'll have to move with him. i wonder if it will be okay with him for me to drive him back and forth. each and every single time he goes. and i don't care where we are going. i'll drive it.

in sunday school, we were asked to think of one word that symbolizes being a parent. clint said, "consuming".

exactly. that's exactly right.

i'm consumed. and while sometimes it weighs on me, i wouldn't have it any other way.

have wonderful (short) weeks!

oh, this is so bad of me. but it's so good of him. he had just woken up from a nap. and he wanted to sit with me. nothing is better than knowing he has asked for me. absolutely nothing.

With his new friend (and cousin), jay.

Because a. Jay is wonderful with kids thanks to the new school b. Because jay has...an iPhone.





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Location:reunion

pullover! no, it's a cardigan!

I may have cut his hair too short in the front.

He may or may not look like Harry from dumb and dumber...





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genetics.

and this is how a real man goes potty....naked. totally naked.

nothing to get in the way.

i think this might just be my proudest moment as his mother. yes. yes, it is.

and look how his dirty clothes are stacked to the side. totally clint. even orderly with the dirty clothes. that makes me tired just thinking about it.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

when you grow up to save the world by working in soup kitchens, volunteering in free clinics and protesting things such as offshore drilling...you will have two people to thank.

one. your dad. because he's the bomb.

and two. your aunt bb. my aunt betty. i'll claim that she rubbed off on you while we were in florida together. you were witness to her beach prayer. she's the greatest. i wish i were more like her. we all should be more like her.

here she is in her hometown of new orleans, i think behind the audubon zoo. the famous audubon zoo. she made the paper. the times picayune. you'll have to ask her how to say that last part. oh, and i JUST realized that that's rob standing right beside her!!! yay rob!!!

they are protesting offshore drilling. she's apart of a group called hands across the sand. she's the one in hat and sunglasses, peeking forward!



you go bb! we love you!!

and pratt, i love you.

who?!

yesterday we were on our way back from eating with pops for his birthday lunch. we were almost home. pratt was in the backseat of dad's truck. we were in the front. out of nowhere, clint hears pratt say, "whooooo?" with this little grin on his face. and he sort of turns his whole head to the side. and his little lips pucker up.

he whispers to me, "he's messing with you. do you hear him saying who?"

i look back at him, and he falls out laughing. and does it again.

whhhhoooo!?

a while back my mom bought him the old "horton hears a who". not the jim carrey one. the original. the good one. well, pratt LOVES it. and there for a while, he would constantly whine for it. just saying "who" over and over and over again until we finally agreed to put it in for him to watch.

it got to where when he would ask for it, i'd run over to him and say, "if you say 'who' one more time, i'm gonna tickle you until you wet your pants."

he would laugh and laugh and then really quietly, he would say, "whhhoooo!?" and then i'd tickle him. it was our little game.

it's been a few weeks since we've played the game. but the kid is like an elephant and remembers everything. and so yesterday as soon as i heard him in the backseat saying it really quietly and all strung out, i had to laugh.

so the last 10 minutes of our drive home, the cow ate the corn every single time pratt would utter whhhoooo!?

he is such a joy to us. it's hard to believe he's not even 2 yet. it seems like he and i have conversations sometimes. and i truly believe he understands 99% of what i say to him.

have wonderful mondays.