dear pratt.

dear pratt,

it's hard to remember what your dad and i did before you arrived. last night, dad made dinner while i played with you in your bumbo seat. if allowed, your father would eat noodles or rice with chicken or shrimp every single night of the week. last night, he made a pad thai noodle with shrimp. it was yummy.

when i first met him, he was allergic to rice. it made his ears puffy and red and they would itch like crazy. but the allergy has gone away. who knows where. we started dating in the month of december. the following february, he made me a valentine's dinner. it was chicken and fried rice, grandpa joe's recipe. i thought i was going to have to take him to the emergency room during the dinner. his throat kept closing up on him...but he refused to stop eating. it was romantic. i mean, i knew cpr and everything...so i pretty much had it covered.

you love to watch us make anything. i guess with every new color, every new sound...sight...all of it is a learning experience for you. i was boiling water the other day and you just stared at the steam coming up from the pot. if anyone were with us during the day...or had a secret video camera on us...they would think i was crazy. i pretty much tell you everything we do. like the day you noticed the steam...well, we got into a discussion that day on water and evaporation and condensation.

this got me worried about how i would answer all your boy questions. i mean, i know that as you get bigger, you're going to have sooo many questions about everything. and i'm not sure i am smart enough to answer everything. i wish i had a little mini-vernon that could fit in my pocket. so that if i wasn't sure about something, i could just pull him out and ask. you'll realize one day that uncle vernon knows everything. he was reading about dinosaurs when he was probably three or four years old.

because i'm most worried about the "boy" questions, i kind of ran some things by your dad the other day on the way to pick you up from camden. i asked things like, "are all cows boys?" and "if an animal has horns...does that mean he's a boy...and are those cows or bulls?" and "what's the difference between a cow and bull?". it seemed that with each answer your dad provided...that answer led to another question. i don't know. i don't know much about farm animals. so you'll need to ask your dad about that stuff.

i can answer questions about pop culture. music. literature. food. well, some food. but you can refer most of those questions to cookie. and if it's about fancy cooking, uncle andy knows a lot about that too. things like coq au vin. and other stuff you'll hear on top chef.

you make me want to learn more. read more. soak up more. so that one day, we can have wonderful conversations. some of my most favorite memories of childhood involve listening to my mom or my dad. mom would talk to us as she cooked. and we would watch. my dad knew pretty much everything about everything. he was the world's best jeopardy player. but when the category "culinary arts" popped up, mom would come running in from the kitchen to get everything right.

i hope you love home as much as i love home. only now, that we've had you...do i consider here, home. this is big for me. as there are few things i love more than being at home. the smell of my parents house is something i will never, ever forget. the feel of being there. i hope you like it here. your dad works so hard for you to like it here.

okay, well, i need to get back to cleaning. little anderson is spending the night with us tonight. i can't wait! clara and andy are getting to take a little mini-vacation and spend some time together. and they're leaving anderson here for our first sleepover! woohooo!

this will be the first of many nights that he will sleep over with us! clara said it best when she said this morning in a text message, "so excited to get the boys together, it's better than christmas!"

i know what she means! one day you'll realize the importance of wonderful friends. and i know that anderson will be one of your closest! we love him already soo, soo much!

love you pumpkin.

pratt's weekend in camden.

pratt had a wonderful weekend in camden! friday night he spent the night with poptart (who apparently still hates that name...sorry dad. until pratt is able to talk, that's what you'll be called. i mean, "marvin" is always up for grabs...but you've said "no way" on that. so poptart it is until he can choose for you. and based on my track record...you may be poptart until he's like six or something :)

okay, so he spent friday with poptart and cookie. carolina and jenny came over to visit. he loves carolina. he loved her curly hair from what i saw cookie's flip videos. and carolina loves pratt allen. she is so good with him and we can't wait for her to babysit him!



pratt did lots of cool things like chew on poptarts fingers. and he was read lots of books too. and no, cookie...i'm not even gonna post that picture...but it will be in pratt's box. one day when he asks you what the picture is about...good luck with the explanation. :)







saturday, cookie and sugar took pratt to emily wright's birthday party. emily loves pratt. he peed on her once when he was a baby...emily hasn't forgotten and loves to tell everyone about it! i can't wait until pratt is in high school. we'll for sure have emily come over to meet pratt's girlfriend. emily can tell her all about pratt using the potty on her!

happy birthday emily! we love you!



this is a picture of pratt and mrs. vicki and her little jacob. jacob doesn't remember this, but when i was in medical school, i delivered jacob. yep, that's right. i was working that summer with dr. braden and dr. dedman. dr. dedman wanted me to come and watch a delivery. i was so excited...but so incredibly nervous. i had never seen one in real life before. only on video. as the baby was crowning, i was allowed to deliver the baby.

second to pratt's birth, of course...it was one of the most memorable moments of my life. i remember seeing him, holding him...thinking he was the most beautiful baby i had ever seen. he was so big and healthy. and i didn't want to give him up. i think as i leaned down to give him to his mom, i said something like, "okay...but be careful." i'm nuts :)

jacob is still beautiful. i think he's a little unsure of mrs. vicki holding pratt! too sweet! and i can't believe he's gotten so big! it really seems like it was just yesterday that sweet boy was born!



sugar kept pratt saturday night. i think at some point, she was getting him ready for bed. and she layed him down...all clean and lotioned up. she began putting his nightgown on...when tyler had to remind her that pratt needed a diaper :)

pratt really did have such a wonderful weekend. and so did his mom and dad. it was great to be able to spend time with each other...but we really did miss our little boy.

thank you again to sugar, cookie and poptart. and sugar, pratt loved his letter. i read it to him that night. it's put away safe in his box. also, cookie, i printed off your email and read it to him. he loved it. and it too, is tucked away safe in his box. we're so lucky to have you all.

also, an update on zoe. this was on the carepage from erin today.

Party time!

Posted 4 hours ago

The party was a success! Thanks to Katy and Angie for orchestrating! We had a great time and enjoyed seeing our friends. Ms. Golston(Zoe's teacher) and Ms. Kim(daycare director) were able to come. Because the daycare is now closed, all of the kids were on cloud 9! Thank you to all of our family and friends who were able to come out. We felt the spirit of those who could not. It sounds quirky, but I can visualize the world from space with this remarkable energy over the US and Canada.

We hope to hear something today. Please continue to pray with us for strength in receiving the information.

It is like getting a shot...the anticipation is horrible.

thank you.

thank you so much to all of you that have left comments and the many of you that posted about sweet zoe on your own blogs.

my dad says these blogs worry him. because you can "see" everything about someone. where they live. what they do. etc.

i'm going to prove him wrong. i'm going to convince him that they can be used for good. they can be used for prayer...for healing. for love and understanding.

happy tuesday. love to each and every one of you.

oh, pratt says thank you too. and if you were here, he'd want to chew on your finger. hey...don't judge...his gums hurt :)

update on zoe.

http://www.carepages.com/carepages/Defeat

here is zoe's website. through an organization called "care pages". i think you'll probably have to join/become a member/etc. but if you're interested in her story...and her progress, here is the site.

thanks for praying for her thus far. i know her family appreciates it.

little zoe goss.

clint, pratt and i come to you today with the heaviest of hearts.

my doctor from home, dr. braden...his daughter (erin) and her husband (ben) have a five year old little girl. zoe is her name. zoe goss. from my limited understanding...they believe zoe has been diagnosed with something called a neuroblastoma. probably stage three. stage four being the worst.

these people are a wonderful, wonderful family...both sides. the braden the goss'. i could go on and on about dr. braden. i'll just say this. i know no one who gives more of himself than larry braden. he started the christian health clinic in camden several years ago. this is a place where people can come and get medical and dental care for free.

i'm going to cut and paste dr. braden's email. it was sent to close friends...and was forwarded to my sister. she forwarded it to me. i would hate to get anything wrong as far as the facts go...

Goodeve everyone,

Just got home. What a ride thusfar. We still don't have any absolutes but Zoe's oncologist (still doesn't make sense that our beloved Zoe would need an oncologist) is certain we are working against a neuroblastoma...probably stage 3.

As stages go the higher the number the worse it is and stage 4 is the highest. If he is right she will go back to ACH next week for the instillation of a port and a bone marrow biopsy. If that biopsy shows tumor cells her tumor will be advanced in classification to stage 4. If it is negative then stage 3.

We also await "biologics" and one genetic study. If any of these are positive and she is stage 3, then "stage 3 high risk". If these "biologics" and genetic exams are negative, and she is stage 3, then stage 3 intermediate risk". If the latter, then 6 to 9 months of chemotherapy with hope for a surgical resection along the way. If stage 3 high risk then 9 to 13 months chemotherapy with hope for a sugical resection along the way. If surgical resection remains impossible following the expected shrinkage by chemotherapy, then radiation to the abdomen. If radiation, then "her ovaries will be moved to her thighs to maintain her eventual fertility".

Sounds pretty complicated...it is. She will remain "relatively isolate" so long as she is being treated. Kindergarten is out of the question. Erin and Ben are considering home schooling and we understand the school district can (must if we ask) provide a teacher. Because she can have only very restricted contact with other children. An early birthday party (her birthday is June 21) has been planned...tomorrow eve 6 pm..."Holiday Lanes"...a bowling alley in Texarkana. All are invited.

The oncologist was asked specifically about church and yes, she can come to church. "She must sit at the back of the congregation wearing a mask and all must wave at her from afar. She cannot attend Sunday School."

She has been, as she always has been, through this experience, a remarkable lady. Quiet, fun-filled and always seeking, exploring. As soon as she could she asked me, repeatedly, to "just go for a walk." As she insisted on helping with IV care and the like she has been dubbed "HRN" (honorary registered nurse) and was presented with her own (a real and working) stethascope.

In spite of the circumstance we have experienced remarkable blessings, most notably what seems best described as a "compassionate solidarity": Prayer, cards, phone calls, visits and emails from everywhere.

Erin says she quietly visualizes a coincident and dense efflux of energy from North America calling to heaven for help...for strength and for healing. Please do not end your praying....pray even more intensely....please.

Larry

my heart breaks as i re-read that email. i don't know how you find the strength to do what you're required to do...as a parent. as a grandparent.

no, that's wrong. i do. the strength is found in God. and in prayer. and in spreading the word to any and all you can tell. so i'm begging you...each one of you...please please please forward this to as many as you can.

i know so many of you have children. and i don't know how you do all of this with a little five year old girl. how do you begin to explain what is happening. clint says you don't. i guess he's right.

if you have a blog, i beg you to post this. we touch so many lives with these. please, please, please help. one more thing...kelly from kelly's korner once said of her little harper...don't just pray for harper...but pray for all those babies that are sick. she's right. pray for all of the kiddos fighting for their health.

thanks for reading. i hope you each have a wonderful week.

i'll update with more as soon as i know more.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

your dad and i are going to pick you up from sugar's house today. well, either sugar or cookie. i'm not sure where you'll be.

i just want to tell you that i have missed you so much this weekend. sugar offered to take you so that i could do some girly things on saturday. while i did those things, your dad and ace went squirrel hunting with their friend eric. someday all too soon, you'll get to go hunting too. cookie wanted you to stay with her on friday. that way poptart could see you. oh, poptart is my dad. i liked "cupcake" better...but apparently poptart didn't. too feminine, maybe? anything is better than "your momma's daddy"...

anyway. your room is the cleanest it's been since your arrival. i was able to clean your closet out and move out clothes that don't fit you anymore.

we're getting you after we go to church. a new church. another new church. i'm so ready to find a church home.

okay. well, just so you know, i have missed you like crazy. i know you had a wonderful time with everyone back home...but this place isn't the same without you here. as my dad once said to me, "this house is just too big for us without you."

we love you so much. and thank you again to cookie, poptart and sugar for taking care of you this weekend. i know they loved every.single.minute of it!

my husband, the television star.

words cannot express how proud i am of my husband!

here are his two television commercials that will begin to run sometime soon. when i watched them the first time, i cried. this should come as no surprise.

we had so many things happening in september of last year. pratt's birth. our move to a new town, a new house. clint opening up a new office.

for any of you who have started from scratch with something...you know how frightening this can be. clint is so great at his job. and very little makes me happier than seeing how well he has done...how blessed we have been.

so if you happen to see the commercials one day soon on tv, know that somewhere, i'm at home screaming...turning up the tv...trying to record them on a video tape...because, that's right...we still don't have dvr or tivo :)

these will honestly never get old to me! and the people giving testimonials are our friends whitney and lindsay! thanks you guys!