kicks

i dread the prenatal vitamin. most of the time i'm taking gigantic iron pills as well. but i'm off my iron pills for seven days. so it's just the vitamin. which isn't so bad. but i'm not a big fan of horse pills...as i'm not mr. ed.

anyway. last night, i was going through my nightly routines of taking pills, washing face, brushing teeth, etc. i went into the kitchen to get my vitamin and saw that there was a half empty diet dr. pepper can in the fridge. i haven't really enjoyed any drinks like this since i found out i was pregnant. but it was there. and it was cold. and it might as well have been a cupcake like in the commercial. i took a swig of it to take my vitamin...and before i knew it, i basically drank the rest of the can. i loved every second of it. but again, keep in mind that i really haven't had any caffeine (besides what's in chocolate) for about 15 weeks.

so i go upstairs to get ready for bed. about twenty minutes later i lay down. clint's pretty much asleep. and i'm finding something on tv. and then i feel this little boy start to move. like, really start to move. i didn't want to wake clint up. so i waited to see if it would continue.

it did. i assume he kicked me. hard. i had my hand on my belly..and he just kicked. and i could not only feel it internally...but i felt it on my hand. so i woke clint up. and the little guy continued to kick. it was unreal!

i was so excited. but nervous too. it's crazy to think that what we take in really has that much affect on the baby. i'm sure he was dozing away...and then i came along with a diet dr. pepper.

what fun this is! that made the low back pain worth every minute!

my whitney

i met her in college. the first time i was ever around her, i remember thinking that she was one of the prettiest people i'd ever met. she was tall and thin and funny. very smart. and seemed so grown for her 19 years.

the first thing she said to me was "this is a really nice car, hannah." i was driving back from a basketball game. and a bunch of people were riding with me.

i don't remember there ever really being that awkward silence with us. we just seemed to be best friends from day one. i was quiet...shy. and she never was. she was everything that i wished i could be.

we've been the best of friends for around 10 years now. and she is leaving for california today. lins and i had a "pizza party" with her last night. because that's what we used to do when we lived together. order dominoes pizza.

of course, i couldn't say bye. i've never been good at goodbyes. and so i hugged her and said that i'd see her soon. i made it to my car without crying. i made it all the way to the interstate without crying. and then it hit me. that i would be here. and she would be in california.

i remembered so many things we'd done together. so many times when she scooped me off the ground and convinced me to keep on moving forward. the countless prayers for me. notes. the note she left on my car the morning i took the mcat. how she cried when i told her that i had been accepted into medical school. i remembered her looking at me when i was taking pictures with all my bridesmaids at the wedding.

she's responsible for so much of my success in this short life i've lived. she loved clint...and saw that he would be perfect for me. and she convinced me that i deserved someone like him.

i will miss you whitney. and i know that you're only a plane ride away...but i'll still miss you.

we're growing up...and i'm not sure how i feel about it.

my favorite picture of us. her doing what she loved to do...make me wear makeup. she did my makeup for my wedding. i'll never forget these moments...i love you.

19 weeks

i'll be 20 on thursday and head to the doctor for my visit early friday morning.

almost halfway there!

it's a....

BOY!

yep, clint is absolutely thrilled. his response: throwing his arms up in the air and screaming "yes!". my response..."oh no...he's going to play in the dirt..."

we were both really excited. david nelson and his wife kristen were so sweet to take us up to the hospital on saturday and do an ultrasound. after several other doctors agreed...david said he was 99% sure it is a boy.

clint was so excited by the news that he actually went to hobby lobby with me to look for fabric for the bedding. :)

my favorite quote so far....i said something about how girl's clothes are so much cuter than boy's clothes.

clint's response: "boys don't need clothes. they just need underwear and cowboy boots."

tomorrow.

so around 11 we're going with a friend from college up to see if this little one is a girl or a boy. clint is really, really excited. i'm nervous. i don't really know why. i guess because a part of me likes living in suspense. i'm not even sure that i'll really believe it...i'm the type that will continue to think that maybe it's wrong. and so the thought of buying all boy or all girl stuff makes me nervous.

anyway. i can honestly say that i really just pray for a healthy baby. not necessarily a boy or a girl.

at first, i was completely opposed to a girl. they're difficult. i know, i was one. there are breakups and "cycles" and weight issues and other little girls are so stinkin' mean. but then i realized what a little girl would mean. it would mean the possibility of clint having a relationship similar to the one i have with my dad. it would mean judging every boy in the world against one of the best men ever. i would love to see clint have that relationship.

and to me...it would mean attempting (that's the key word) to be what my mother has been to me. it would mean baking cookies and sewing clothes. it would mean taking girl trips. and doing her fingernails.

a boy would be pretty great too. for clint, i know that he would love nothing more than fishing trips and hunting trips. playing ball. talking about sports. watching the hogs play.

for me, it would mean having another clint around. and that would be great.

either way, i'm excited. and nervous. but i think that's normal.

i'll let you all know what we see. or...i guess what we don't see :)

run...don't walk.

i've always loved to read. from the time i was a kid, and mom would take us to little rock, i have loved to read. we'd drive up, go to the mall and i'd go in the bookstore in the mall. i'd buy a fear street book. and i'd have it finished by the time i got home. i carried my books everywhere. and read them whenever i could. there isn't much that i love more then snuggling up in bed with a book. my arms get tired from holding the book...ahh, what a wonderful feeling.

on our way to new york, spencer had a book called "new moon". by stephanie meyer. she told me that it was about a vampire..and that she knew i'd think that was funny...but that i had to get the first book and read it. it was called "twilight". so i did. i bought it and finished it about two days later. i had fallen in love with edward.

you must understand that spencer does not like to read. i can't remember the last thing she read. so i knew these were good. and they are. if you want something to read, get the first book, "twilight". the second one is "new moon", followed by "eclipse". the fourth book is coming out in august, i think.

so get it. right now. i'd say order it from amazon, but i couldn't wait that long. and there is something incredibly wonderful about walking into a barnes and noble. i love the smell of books. seriously...i do. it does something strange to me. i could spend 10 hours a day in there.

things to remember

so i know that i'm only 18 weeks...almost 19. but i love to keep notes and write. so i'm using this to keep up with different things i've experienced so far. i hope you enjoy. for those of you having been through this...or going through it now...you'll probably enjoy it more than others :)

1. i don't have just three meals anymore. i get up and eat a bowl of cereal. and then about two hours later, i'll have applesauce or a fruit. or if i'm really bad, a poptart. then around ten i'll have a handful of almonds or peanuts. and then of course i eat lunch at noon. i'm usually hungry around 330. and then i eat dinner around 6. and then i eat something "to make my iron pill go down". :) clint thinks this is hilarious. the other morning i had my cereal. he was heading to mcdonalds about an hour later. he brought me pancakes. which, by the way, were almost as good as my mothers. for the record, these were the first pancakes i've ever had from mcdonalds. as many of you know, my mother doesn't believe in fast food. oh, and they're called "hotcakes"...not pancakes.

2. morning sickness wasn't "morning" for me. it was evening/bedtime. i would try to make dinner. once i had finished it, i would be unable to eat. it seemed like something i wanted at first. i would stand at my sink and stare at my toothbrush. i hated that thing. i hated the way it felt. and i hated what it meant. i dreaded brushing my teeth. the toothpaste tasted bad. the brushing would make my gums bleed. and then i'd have to lay down with the taste of bloody toothpaste in my mouth.

3. things i'm not sure i'll ever be able to eat again. jambalaya. tomato soup. spaghetti sauce. macaroni and cheese.

4. my first trimester i craved cheese, crackers and applesauce. i still crave fruits. especially fresh fruits. watermelon. strawberries. pineapple. i love cereal. since the day i found out i was pregnant, i've been having cereal for breakfast. i must admit that i started this because i knew it had vitamins and iron in it. i'm sure it's not alot...but i knew that i'd need iron since i was on iron before ever becoming pregnant. so from day one, i've gotten up every morning...gone downstairs...and fixed a big bowl of cereal. my eyes are always bigger than my tummy in the morning. i sit on the couch, with ace at my feet, and i eat and watch the news. ace watched me patiently, never whining...just watching me. sometimes he falls asleep because it's so early. and then i let him have the last 1/4 of the cereal/milk. he loves it. he licks up all the milk and then eats the cereal. i tell him "thanks for helping" me...the bowl goes in the dishwasher and before i can even turn around, i can hear his feet on the stairs, heading back up to his bed. he crawls back into his bed and falls asleep. this happens every single morning. i love it.

5. i began wearing maternity clothes much earlier than i probably was "supposed to". i refused to wear my clothes with a rubberband on the button because it looked funny. i bought one pair of liz lange pants at target, and they are still my favorites. i've probably been wearing them since around 9 or 10 weeks. there is no shame in this. people will totally act like they didn't have to wear maternity clothes...well, good for them. i did. i totally did. i had one girl tell me that she was six months pregnant and had only gained five pounds. my response: "i'm so sorry." judging by the look on her face, i think she was actually bragging.

6. i'm unsure at this point of the difference between feeling the baby kick and gas. i won't go into detail here. that's all i'll say.

7. vernon thinks that the baby is going to come out with tattoos. we went to a david allen coe concert at week 17. i think this is around the time the baby is first able to hear. we were on the fifth row, and i got nervous about it being too loud. don't laugh. i really did. so i texted vernon and andy. the two doctors. i said, "is it a danger to the baby that i'm on the fifth row at this concert sitting right in front of the speaker?" vernon's response: "yes, the baby is going to be born with tattoos". in that case, i hope it's a boy and that the tat reads "i love my mom". i'll be fine with that.

just random thoughts. more to come, i'm sure.