life is hard.
not for me right now. but for so many others.
and so on this day. after church. after lunch with friends, i'm here. on my computer.
listening to itunes. typing on here. saving posts for rainy days.
and it's the best therapy in the whole entire world.
here's to a good week. filled with health and happiness. and all things good.
xoxo.h.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
this morning.
this morning pratt crawled into our bed and got right between me and clint.
he was really still for a while. acting like he was going to sleep. but i knew better.
how? because today is the day that nana is taking him to chuck e cheese. and he's spending the night with her. and he's been talking about it for a week. counting down the "sleeps" until it happens.
about the time i was praying he would sleep a little longer (it was 650), he reached over and kissed my forehead. and then he turned to his daddy and kissed him too. i heard it. and then he lay his head back down. and closed his eyes and remained really still. he did this several times.
and each time, my heart just melted.
after the second time, clint reached over for him and rubbed his hair. and his face.
and smiled at me.
it was one of those smiles where words aren't necessary. i know exactly what he's feeling in that daddy heart of his.
later when max woke, we put him in the bed too. to watch curious george. he has recently figured out the kiss mechanism. and just to make my daddy feel better, he is learning to work his orbicularis oris. yes, y'all. that's from that one year of medical school that cost like a million dollars. thank you dad. i know about the kissing muscle and the anatomical snuff pouch. that's about all i remember.
anyway. he's figured it out. and so we all three took turns accepting brand new kisses from max.
what a way to start the day.
my cup is running over. for sure.
he was really still for a while. acting like he was going to sleep. but i knew better.
how? because today is the day that nana is taking him to chuck e cheese. and he's spending the night with her. and he's been talking about it for a week. counting down the "sleeps" until it happens.
about the time i was praying he would sleep a little longer (it was 650), he reached over and kissed my forehead. and then he turned to his daddy and kissed him too. i heard it. and then he lay his head back down. and closed his eyes and remained really still. he did this several times.
and each time, my heart just melted.
after the second time, clint reached over for him and rubbed his hair. and his face.
and smiled at me.
it was one of those smiles where words aren't necessary. i know exactly what he's feeling in that daddy heart of his.
later when max woke, we put him in the bed too. to watch curious george. he has recently figured out the kiss mechanism. and just to make my daddy feel better, he is learning to work his orbicularis oris. yes, y'all. that's from that one year of medical school that cost like a million dollars. thank you dad. i know about the kissing muscle and the anatomical snuff pouch. that's about all i remember.
anyway. he's figured it out. and so we all three took turns accepting brand new kisses from max.
what a way to start the day.
my cup is running over. for sure.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
socks.
today when I put max down for a nap, he took his socks off on his own and wiggled his toes.
he's totally my kid. who sleeps in socks? yuck. warm feet? nope.
he's totally my kid. who sleeps in socks? yuck. warm feet? nope.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
love your neighbor.
i've been thinking a lot about christianity. and God. and what He really is calling me to do while i'm here. and i've been searching for sermons. and truth along these lines.
i've mentioned before how much i love francis chan. he's a preacher in california. my friend laura introduced him to me. he is very much a red letter christian. follows and studies what Jesus said in the bible. what He called us to do.
i appreciate this because so often i think we hear our preachers say something...and we run with it. like those were God's words for us. and maybe sometimes they are. but no one is perfect. and so i think there is a fine line somewhere about following what your preacher says (or someone you trust) versus following what God says. or what Jesus said.
what i've been finding is all in the same vein as what jen hatmaker talks about in 7.
paring down to the minimum. for many reasons.
one. to get closer to Him. to depend more on Him.
two. because none of that really makes us happy anyway.
three. because the money that we spend on the stuff that gets in the way, the stuff that doesn't really matter anyway could and probably should be used for other people who aren't able to buy what they need SIMPLY TO SURVIVE.
it's the whole, "may i learn to live simply so that someone else may learn to simply live" motto.
i have this visa gift card from my mom. she put it in my stocking. it's like a 50 dollar gift card. and it's in my nightstand. sitting there. has been since christmas morning.
when i opened it, she said, "instead of spending money on crap to put in there, i thought you should have this. and so you could go buy yourself something you really want."
totally my mom. totally.
and so i've been trying to think of something i want. maybe merging it with the leftover dillards gift card i have from clint from my bday.
but everytime i see that card, and everytime i try to think of something i want, i hear a little voice say, "look around you, hannah. what could YOU possibly NEED?"
and so i close the drawer. and in all honesty, i hope that maybe one day i open it and don't hear the voice and i can take it and go buy a wonderful purse at tjmaxx. because i love me some shoes and purses.
but see, i don't NEED a purse. and so i keep holding onto the visa card. because at my core, i know that it shouldn't be used on me. it should be used on someone in NEED.
all of this to say, francis said yesterday in a sermon, "until we learn to love our neighbor as ourself, we don't need to learn any other lesson. because that (second to "love your God with all your heart, soul and mind) is the most important lesson we should be teaching."
and so i'm back at square one. wondering how to not only learn that for myself (sometimes it's an easy lesson. like for my friends. but sometimes it is so, so hard) but how to teach it to my children.
i wish i could remember what all he said. it's worth listening to. i downloaded a free app called "podcasts" from the itunes store. and searched francis chan. the sermon i'm talking about is called "living unpredictably" and it's from "podcast: strong fire burn". it's worth the free download. go get it and listen. and let me know what you think.
more later.
i've mentioned before how much i love francis chan. he's a preacher in california. my friend laura introduced him to me. he is very much a red letter christian. follows and studies what Jesus said in the bible. what He called us to do.
i appreciate this because so often i think we hear our preachers say something...and we run with it. like those were God's words for us. and maybe sometimes they are. but no one is perfect. and so i think there is a fine line somewhere about following what your preacher says (or someone you trust) versus following what God says. or what Jesus said.
what i've been finding is all in the same vein as what jen hatmaker talks about in 7.
paring down to the minimum. for many reasons.
one. to get closer to Him. to depend more on Him.
two. because none of that really makes us happy anyway.
three. because the money that we spend on the stuff that gets in the way, the stuff that doesn't really matter anyway could and probably should be used for other people who aren't able to buy what they need SIMPLY TO SURVIVE.
it's the whole, "may i learn to live simply so that someone else may learn to simply live" motto.
i have this visa gift card from my mom. she put it in my stocking. it's like a 50 dollar gift card. and it's in my nightstand. sitting there. has been since christmas morning.
when i opened it, she said, "instead of spending money on crap to put in there, i thought you should have this. and so you could go buy yourself something you really want."
totally my mom. totally.
and so i've been trying to think of something i want. maybe merging it with the leftover dillards gift card i have from clint from my bday.
but everytime i see that card, and everytime i try to think of something i want, i hear a little voice say, "look around you, hannah. what could YOU possibly NEED?"
and so i close the drawer. and in all honesty, i hope that maybe one day i open it and don't hear the voice and i can take it and go buy a wonderful purse at tjmaxx. because i love me some shoes and purses.
but see, i don't NEED a purse. and so i keep holding onto the visa card. because at my core, i know that it shouldn't be used on me. it should be used on someone in NEED.
all of this to say, francis said yesterday in a sermon, "until we learn to love our neighbor as ourself, we don't need to learn any other lesson. because that (second to "love your God with all your heart, soul and mind) is the most important lesson we should be teaching."
and so i'm back at square one. wondering how to not only learn that for myself (sometimes it's an easy lesson. like for my friends. but sometimes it is so, so hard) but how to teach it to my children.
i wish i could remember what all he said. it's worth listening to. i downloaded a free app called "podcasts" from the itunes store. and searched francis chan. the sermon i'm talking about is called "living unpredictably" and it's from "podcast: strong fire burn". it's worth the free download. go get it and listen. and let me know what you think.
more later.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
austin, day one.
For pratt's Christmas, mom got us tickets to see the lion king in austin. The three of us left Friday and flew down for the weekend. Daddy kept max at home...with the help of nana on Saturday.
Friday we found a great little park next to our hotel. Then Saturday we went to the children's museum for a few hours of fun. It's a lot like the museum of discovery in little rock.
We have laughed at Pratt the entire time. He is such an awesome traveler. He never complains. He just goes with the flow. He's up for shopping or playing or whatever else.
We are taking naps now. I'll update more tonight at the lion king.
Friday we found a great little park next to our hotel. Then Saturday we went to the children's museum for a few hours of fun. It's a lot like the museum of discovery in little rock.
We have laughed at Pratt the entire time. He is such an awesome traveler. He never complains. He just goes with the flow. He's up for shopping or playing or whatever else.
We are taking naps now. I'll update more tonight at the lion king.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
the other night.
the other night clint looked at me, and i looked at him. right in his eyes. and he smiled and said, "you're so pretty."
my eyes sting with tears as i write that now, because i never knew i would believe that. sure. my mom and dad have said it a million times. and so have my wonderful girl friends. and then, yes...there have been a few boys who have said it. probably while stomping on my heart. or following it up with something horribly ugly about how it would be better though...if you know, my arms were thinner. etc, etc.
but when he said it, i believed it. he meant it. like when i tell him that he's so handsome....i mean it.
i have said it before...but it still shocks me and rocks me to my core. i have NO idea how i got him. yes. this kind, honest, smart, loving man. who loves me more than he loves anything else in his life.
after he said it...minutes later, i couldn't help but think about what he means to me.
it's not anything i haven't thought of before. no, maybe that's wrong. maybe it was some type of revelation.
the last one i had was while pregnant with pratt. i was living in maumelle. and i was driving to maumelle from west little rock. going over the arkansas river. and it hit me that i was pregnant. and that there was this man who loved me. chubby with gigantic ankles. and a huge belly. and he really loved me. like my parents loved me.
not to be overly dramatic, but it took my breath away. i remember pulling over on the side of the road off maumelle blvd. and realizing that i had so much to lose.
this was foreign to me.
because i was the person who struggled in high school. in college. i had begged God to take me home more times than i could remember. and so begging him to keep me here...begging him to allow me all these blessings...that was weird. and strange. and different.
like when you put a contact lens in and you can feel it. or like when you get a rock in the bottom of your shoe. or as pratt would say, when you have a tag on your shirt and rubs the wrong way. it all just felt strange. real. but strange. out of place, maybe.
that's what i felt night before last.
this yearning for God to just let me have this.
maybe it's a fear from knowing that i don't deserve any of it. and being worried. being scared to death about Him taking it away from me.
if anything happened to clint, i would die. i really would. like i'm not strong. and i'm not good. he is my soulmate. somedays i can hardly contain myself waiting on him to get home to me. to be safe here. in our house. so that i have control over it all. ha. i know.
when i close my eyes, i see him singing to me. rocking on our front porch. with his guitar in his lap. eyes closed. his right hand is holding the pic and his left hand is on the guitar.
i'm in a constant state of worry. about him. about the boys. about my family. it just seems so good. and so i sense something is around the corner.
because there's no way i deserve this.
i need jesus...yes. you're right.
my eyes sting with tears as i write that now, because i never knew i would believe that. sure. my mom and dad have said it a million times. and so have my wonderful girl friends. and then, yes...there have been a few boys who have said it. probably while stomping on my heart. or following it up with something horribly ugly about how it would be better though...if you know, my arms were thinner. etc, etc.
but when he said it, i believed it. he meant it. like when i tell him that he's so handsome....i mean it.
i have said it before...but it still shocks me and rocks me to my core. i have NO idea how i got him. yes. this kind, honest, smart, loving man. who loves me more than he loves anything else in his life.
after he said it...minutes later, i couldn't help but think about what he means to me.
it's not anything i haven't thought of before. no, maybe that's wrong. maybe it was some type of revelation.
the last one i had was while pregnant with pratt. i was living in maumelle. and i was driving to maumelle from west little rock. going over the arkansas river. and it hit me that i was pregnant. and that there was this man who loved me. chubby with gigantic ankles. and a huge belly. and he really loved me. like my parents loved me.
not to be overly dramatic, but it took my breath away. i remember pulling over on the side of the road off maumelle blvd. and realizing that i had so much to lose.
this was foreign to me.
because i was the person who struggled in high school. in college. i had begged God to take me home more times than i could remember. and so begging him to keep me here...begging him to allow me all these blessings...that was weird. and strange. and different.
like when you put a contact lens in and you can feel it. or like when you get a rock in the bottom of your shoe. or as pratt would say, when you have a tag on your shirt and rubs the wrong way. it all just felt strange. real. but strange. out of place, maybe.
that's what i felt night before last.
this yearning for God to just let me have this.
maybe it's a fear from knowing that i don't deserve any of it. and being worried. being scared to death about Him taking it away from me.
if anything happened to clint, i would die. i really would. like i'm not strong. and i'm not good. he is my soulmate. somedays i can hardly contain myself waiting on him to get home to me. to be safe here. in our house. so that i have control over it all. ha. i know.
when i close my eyes, i see him singing to me. rocking on our front porch. with his guitar in his lap. eyes closed. his right hand is holding the pic and his left hand is on the guitar.
i'm in a constant state of worry. about him. about the boys. about my family. it just seems so good. and so i sense something is around the corner.
because there's no way i deserve this.
i need jesus...yes. you're right.
polar bears.
Pratt: "momma. Do you think Jesus had hair and air bubbles on his feet?"
Me: "um. You know. I don't think so. I mean, he probably had hair on the top of his feet. Yes. Air bubbles? I don't know. Why?"
Pratt: "because water striders have air bubbles and little bitty tiny hairs on their feet. That is how they can stay on top of the water. Because of the polar bears (I think he's talking about polarity) and the bubbles. It holds them up. Pretty cool, huh?"
Me: "yes. Awesome. Totally."
Who says kids don't learn from watching television?
The cat in the hat...and PBS rock.
Me: "um. You know. I don't think so. I mean, he probably had hair on the top of his feet. Yes. Air bubbles? I don't know. Why?"
Pratt: "because water striders have air bubbles and little bitty tiny hairs on their feet. That is how they can stay on top of the water. Because of the polar bears (I think he's talking about polarity) and the bubbles. It holds them up. Pretty cool, huh?"
Me: "yes. Awesome. Totally."
Who says kids don't learn from watching television?
The cat in the hat...and PBS rock.
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About Me
- hannah
- i'm a girl who likes to write. not a girl that's necessarily good at writing. it's cathartic, i think. and boy do i need that from time to time. i married a wonderful man named clint in may of 2007. he is everything i am not. he is calm. he makes plans. he is organized. his truck is always clean. his clothes are hung by types of shirt/color/size/etc. i'm full of nervous energy. i'm spur of the moment. i can't ever find what i'm looking for. we live in my car...pretty much. i'm lucky if my clothes are within ten feet of my closet. God gave us a precious angel of a baby in september of 2008. his name is pratt allen. he is 2.5 years old.we have another little one on the way. his name is max wesley. and he is due may 19th. somehow i'll be the mother of two boys. craaaaa.zy. i spend my days cleaning house. picking worms and caterpillars out of the flower beds. cooking meals. shopping at target. washing clothes. playing on the floor. reading books. doing puzzles. traveling to sonic. and the library. and blogging. i hope you enjoy our blog. feel free to leave a comment. hopefully it's a nice one. i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.