dear pratt.

dear pratt,

you are one month away from being 2 years old. 

where has the time gone?  it seems like just yesterday me and you were here alone.  together.  me wondering what to do with you.  you crying your face off.  me calling your daddy begging him to come home from work to save us.  because i couldn't make it stop. 

and then all of a sudden you were smiling at me.  and i felt like i was doing something right. 

and then you laughed.  and then you talked.  and then you kissed me. 

and now you will say that you love me.  it's prompted yes. 

but it's a full out, "wuv you mom."

and it's the best thing i've ever heard in my whole entire life. 

it's better than hearing, "welcome to sonic.  may i take your order please?"  it's even better than hearing, "you saved over 60% with your kroger card today."

it's hard to explain how much i love you.  it's so hard to put it into words.  it's almost impossible for you to understand how your daddy and i feel. 

i have a letter.  it's from my mom.  one of the many that are in my box.  it's a letter she wrote me when i was 7 years old.  here, i'll just tell you what she said....

january 2, 1987
dear hannah,

you know that i love you and that i am so proud of you, but i just wanted to say it on paper. 

you have been very special and dear to me since the day you were born.  you are a very sweet and thoughtful child and it makes me so happy to watch you grow older. 

you do so many things that make me proud of you.  i know that as you grow older there will be times that you may feel lonely or feel that you are not special, but just remember there are a lot of people - not only daddy, spencer and myself that love you and care about you.  whenever you feel lonely or down take this little note out and cheer up. 

i love you, mommy.

it wasn't until recently that i got what she was saying.  really appreciated it.  but now i do.  now i get it. 

still, in 2010, i get that letter out just to cheer myself up.  i have done it forever, i guess.  i can remember taking it out late at night while i was at college.  reading it.  remembering that she loved me.  that my dad loved me.  and that i mattered.  i mattered so much that she took the time to write me that letter. 

someone told me today that they didn't understand blogs.  that they didn't get what was so great about them.  they felt a blog was so egocentrical.  i couldn't disagree more. 

this blog is not about me. 

it's about you.  it's about how much i love you.  it's about how much i hope that you enjoy reading what was going on in your life when you were too young to remember.  it's about you being able to read my thoughts. 

it's about other people.  people i know.  people i love.  people who love us.  and some people i've never even met.  it's about relating to others.  and having others relate to us. 

it's something much bigger than me.  or you.  or even your daddy. 

i hope one day you get it.  i hope you are able to pull out this blog book and see that we love you.  that so, so many love you. 

and more than that, somehow even more than that, i hope that i'm around to see it.  to see it come full circle. 

heaven.  that will be heaven for me...

i love you with all my heart,
mommy.

seriously, mom?

he has such adult expressions to be such a little guy.

punchbowl.

So. The blog is going private again. Why, you ask.

Well, let's see. When I first started this blog, I checked something in the settings that kept us out of google search.

Well, not anymore for some weird reason. Were back on. And so when a person searches for "clint fulks, dentist" on google, guess who pops up?

Yes. Our family blog. Why would anyone be searching for clint on google? Duh. So we can eat dinner. And pay the bills. And we are a part of this group called demand force that is meant to increase clints offices presence on the web. Through google.

So it pretty much goes over like a turd in the punchbowl when a patient walks in and tells clint he read about his family while searching for his office website.

So, I hate being private. I'm waiting to hear back from google on how to keep myself out of the search engines. Until then, I'm sorry :(

Email me at hannahfielderfulks@yahoo.com if you need to be added or know anyone else who reads this. Besides my mom, nana, grandma and Laura :)

Ps. Im setting it public for a few days because I have received several emails about getting in. I love meeting people who read this. Honestly. I don't know how new moms did it before blogs. I "stalk" so many people I've never met through their blogs. There is something soo refreshing about knowing you aren't alone.

So, if you read this and we don't know each other, hi :) I'm Hannah. Nice to meet you. If you will send me an email, I will happily add you to our list. If you don't have a blogger account, I do have a generic account you can use. Just email me!!

Thanks for being interested in our rather boring lives ;)

Have great Nights!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

amen...times two.

my friend stephanie posted this on her facebook page a while back. and when i read it, i had to go find it for myself. online. see who wrote it. why she wrote it. i needed the entire story behind it.

i think if you have kids, have ever loved a child, ever want kids, work with kids, or most importantly, have ever been a kid :), you should read this. and if you don't yet have kids, and hope one day you do, print this out...put it in your memory box. and you can refer back to it later. because i promise one day you will pull it out and be like, yes! finally. someone understands what i'm going through!!!it's from the washington post. a woman named carolyn hax wrote it. it was in response to something a reader wrote her. which is the following:

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

and here is what carolyn wrote back to tacoma:

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.
So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form.

When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.


It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time.

Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.
are you screaming right now! are you fist pumping?! because i was. i started fist pumping when she said, "having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear..."

yes! i've been there. i've been the person who stuffs all kinds of crap in my pockets JUST TO WALK IN THE GROCERY STORE FOR SOME FREAKING MILK. and here's the deal. three years ago, i didn't want ANYTHING in my pockets because i wanted to make sure my hips looked small.

but not now. no, not now. now id take gigantic birthing hips (which i have) just so my kid doesn't scream GUMBALL at the top of his lungs when we walk in kroger. because well, let's face it. dad, the dentist, isn't really cool with the gumballs.

me, on the other hand, i'm totally down with anything that keeps him from trying to pull every item off the shelf or better yet, into the buggy when i'm trying to figure out which brand is the better deal with my ziploc gallon sized bag of coupons. picture this. me standing there with about ten coupons in my mouth. ten in one hand, ten between my legs. and then there's pratt. trying to figure out how to unsnap the buckle keeping him in that gigantic race car buggy.

there is really nothing worse than getting to the checkout and pulling out a summer's eve douche that your son has put in your buggy when you weren't looking because you were trying to decide if it's just cheaper to forgo the coupons and buy the generic brand of ditties. (it's not by the way). and to make it worse (as if it could get any worse), the check out guy is like 16. and totally thinks you're old. and apparently, not so fresh...uh hum...down there. kill me. kill me of embarrassment.

so. yes, carolyn. amen. amen sister. and the part about needing 45 minutes to do what it takes others only 15! yes!!! yes!!!! and people wonder why moms are sooo tired and drained at the end of the day! THATS WHAT WE DO PEOPLE. we MOTHER.

okay. i hear my kid screaming, "mom! help! up, mom! out of bed! mom!!" etc.

have great days!

oh, here is the link of the original article:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html

brad junior. ha.

This is what happens when your child watches too much Rachel Zoe project.







I mean, off the shoulder blouses are in, mom! Duh.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

everythings more fun naked.

The past two days have been beautiful!! There is a constant breeze and not near as much humidity.

So yesterday pratt and I spent most of our day outside.

At one point he told me he was going to "vacuum up weeds mom"!

Fine by me. And yes, he prefers to be naked with his boots on.






Also of note, he peed on the front porch yesterday. It was outside and so therefore I had no problem with it. I have a great picture, but clint would die if I put it here.

Have wonderful days!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

amen.

so. as i've mentioned here several times, pratt is almost 2.

which for all you mommies out there, you know what i'm getting at. 2. the terrible 2's.

as we all know, i'm not perfect. faaaaaar from it. but i have a true desire to parent perfectly.

did you just wet your pants? i know, i know. no one does that.

i mean, i knew no one did that. i knew no one was capable of it...but still, still there is that drive. that desire to do well with pratt. to say the right things. to discipline the right way.

but it is so hard in those times when he's being defiant. and completely testing me. it always seems to be me that he lashes out against.

yesterday i was at barnes and noble. my most favorite place on earth. well, top three. and as is standard protocol there, before i could even look for books, i had to void. because, well, it's physiology and i won't get into it. i'll just say this. i get so excited walking through those big wooden doors.

to barnes and noble. NOT the bathroom.

okay. so i find a book yesterday that i had checked out at our libarary about 6 months ago. i tried to read through it then, but it didn't really interest me then as it has now.

the new dare to discipline by dr. james dobson.

we did a james dobson study at moms and more last semester. and i thought then the man was a genius when it came to kids. and so i bought the "new" book. the updated version.

i'll just say this. i could go on and on about why you should go buy this book if you have kids younger than 13....but i won't. i'm only on page 34, but already, i've made so many notes inside the book. so you know it's good. cause i don't write in books unless it's absolutely necessary.

anyway, page 34. this is what he says. and you should know about it. he's just told a story about how he was at a conference speaking on how to raise kids, and he brought his children along. while speaking to a woman, he heard a huge bang and saw his two children chasing after each other, jumping over seats, etc. basically doing what you DON'T want your kids to do when you're the "authority" on child rearing.

here is what he says...

i share that story to clarify the goal of proper child rearing. it is not to produce perfect kids. even if you implement a flawless system of discipline at home, which no one in history has done, your children will be children.

at times they will be silly, destructive, lazy, selfish - and yes, disrespectful. such is the nature of humanity. we as adults have the same problems.

futhermore, when it comes to kids, that's the way it should be. boys and girls are like clocks; you have to let them run.

my point is that the principles in this book are not designed to produce perfect little robots who can sit with their hands folded in the parlor thinking patriotic and noble thoughts! even if we could pull that off, it wouldn't be wise to try!

amen, dr. dobson. amen.

i had forgotten that. i had forgotten that pratt isn't perfect. and that as my friend amber says, "kids should be loud. they are kids after all."

i feel like a weight has been lifted. like maybe i shouldn't worry about those people who roll their eyes because pratt squeals with delight when he sees something he loves...even if that squeal is just a tad bit loud. or if he can't quit pointing at the fish tank saying, "fish mommy! fish!" over and over again. or even when he gets stiff on me at the library because we've been in there for over an hour and it really is time to go home. (you haven't lived until you've carried a child out who is basically playing light as a feather, stiff as a board, while you try to hold them and a sack of library books all while the "older" ladies look at you and whisper that you're probably ones of those "new touchy feely moms".

whatever woman. i'll show you touchy feely just as soon as i get this kid strapped in his carseat. by this time i'm sweating and swearing and mentally reminding myself to call about mirena because I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN.

and then i read something like this and remember that it's all normal. that i'm not perfect, pratt's not perfect and we aren't expected to be.

after all, that's what Jesus is for.

right? can i get an amen!?

ps. go get the book. here is a picture of it.