seventeen whole months.

my baby is no longer a baby. but i will forever call him my baby. even when he's 18 and going off to college. he will be my baby then. not in front of anyone. but when i drop that child off at college, and we drive home, i will cry the entire way home saying things like, "oh. my baby. my baby boy is at college. what will he do without me?"

and my husband will roll his eyes and tell me to calm down. but deep down he will want to cry too. because i know him. and he will.

okay. seventeen months.

i don't wish he were a baby. i don't want him to be helpless. like a month old or anything. because all of you who know me, know i was no good then. honestly. i wasn't. would i like for him to be six months old? no, not really. i just want time to slow down.

like maybe the days could be three times as long. well, not the entire day. but maybe that hour when clint gets home. maybe that hour would last three times as long. and we could all just sit around and look at each other.

crazy? maybe. but i just so want to get the most of out these days. these days that seem to fly by. i don't want to forget anything. i want to remember everything.

the way his hands can be so incredibly cold. and he will know it, and come up to me, and rub them on me. and giggle.

the way he smells after a bath. the way he points at every single animal in his bed when he wakes from a nap. because he really does want you to get all of them out and take them downstairs with you. i think he gets this from me. my stuffed animals were very, very real to me.

he loves to laugh. at anything. he thinks yoda is incredibly funny. he is extremely tickle-ish. i don't know how to spell that. he loves to look out the windows. he would rather be outside than anywhere else in the world. being in the bathtub is a close second place.

when he laughs, he throws his head back to laugh. and shows all his teeth. all 12 of them. he laughs more at night than any other time, i think. almost like he's so incredibly tired, everything seems funny to him. he smiles this little fake smile sometimes. and it's the cutest fake smile i have ever seen.

he loves to read. we've moved his books to the bottom shelf of the bookcases so that he doesn't pull all 100 off on his toes. we learn from experience around here. his favorite books include but certainly are not limited to: llama, llama red pajama; goodnight moon; the itsy bitsy spider; corduroy; my first 100 words.

he loves notecards. he loves to sit and "play" notecards. he makes a "vroom vroom" sound with his trucks or cars.

i probably hear him say, "hi dad!" ten times a day. and i will never, ever, ever get sick of that sound. he loves his daddy so much. and he knows that his daddy is the final say in this house. whenever he does something wrong, he always looks at clint...to see if he's being watched.

pratt, we love you. we love you more than you could possibly imagine. sometimes i catch us just looking at you. gazing at you. and i know your daddy is wondering the same thing: how did we make something so incredibly perfect?

oh, that's right. we didn't. God did. and so a shout out to the big Man is in order. we are so blessed He has loaned you to us.

happy seventeen months little man.
i love love love you.

mommy.

cousin eddie.

ever wonder what cousin eddie looked like as a 16 month old?

welp, here he is folks...



check out that belly. and those pajama pants with a button up onesie. and finally...those cool camo boots.

ladies, please take a number.

dear pratt.

dear pratt.

i am attempting to clean up my computer. ha. one day you will know that your mom doesn't get rid of anything. seriously. not notes. not christmas cards. not even documents on my computer. so i was flipping through word, when i came across a document titled, "january 20th."

it was from january 20th of 2008. and it was a series of letters. to you. this was before i started the blog. and apparently, i felt the need to write you about us discovering that we were pregnant! you being in my belly!!!

i thought you might enjoy it. so here goes...

January 20, 2008

Dear baby, I haven’t been feeling good for some time now. I’ve been sick in the morning. I haven’t been throwing up…just nauseous. Very unable to drink coffee..which is my favorite.

This morning after church, we went with our small group to The Cracker Barrel. I was smelling some Yankee Candles when I realized that I was about to throw up. The smell of the candles was overpowering and yucky! I didn’t think there was any way I was pregnant…because we weren’t “planning on having a baby”.

But I was worried.

Your dad stopped at Target (all by himself) and bought two pregnancy tests. He got home with them and I tried one of them….and it was positive! It had a plus sign. I will remember your father’s face as long as I’m alive. He was smiling…much like that nervous smile I saw when he asked me to marry him. He said, “well, it looks like we’re pregnant”. There couldn’t have been anything better for him to say! I wanted him to feel “pregnant” as well. We talked about it…got used to the idea…and then he asked me if I wanted to pray with him.

He prayed for you…for your development…for your body. He prayed for us…to know how to do this..to do it right. To be good parents…to provide a good home. I cried the entire time he prayed. This is why I married your father. Because he is…without a doubt…the best man I’ve ever known. You will love him so much…and I cannot wait until you get to meet him!

I love you. I love you so much.

January 21, 2008

Dear baby, I called today to make an appointment for the doctor. Our first appointment is February 15th of 2008! I should be around 8 or 9 weeks at that time. We will have an ultrasound and (might…hopefully) get to hear your heartbeat!

We love you.

January 25, 2008

Hello sweet baby. Today is Friday. On Tuesday night, your dad and I went to the grocery store. We bought food for our new fridge. The other one broke this weekend…and dad broke down and bought a new fridge. We bought lots of goodies to keep me full. Your dad was so funny about what he wanted to buy. He knew that I’d need lots of veggies for you. And lots of greens. I wanted to make an artichoke soup…but he said that I wouldn’t be able to eat it because it had “soft cheese in it”. He’s right. I can’t have soft cheese…and it called for ricotta. I had a wrap yesterday, but didn’t get any mozzarella cheese with it because I think that’s considered soft cheese. Dad is taking really good care of us. When I came in from school the other day, he said, “How is the mother doing?”. It was very sweet.

Please (as much as you can) be safe in there. I promise I'll be safe out here. I love you.

January 26, 2008

Dear baby, we told everyone about you tonight. My parents are really excited. My mother said, “ I wish you could see your father’s face”. I don’t know what that means, but I know they were excited. I made Clint tell my parents because I felt like a 13 year old who had gotten pregnant without being married.

When I handed the phone to him, I could tell his hands were sweaty. They were very excited, and I asked them not to tell anyone, but they already told my Aunt Carol and your Aunt Debbie.

We called your grandmother, Clint’s mom, and she was really excited, but didn’t believe that we were really pregnant. She has already said that she wants to keep you “every other weekend after the first month”. She is going to be a great, great grandmother.

Your great-grandparents are very excited too. They think that maybe you were conceived in Austria! Grandma wants to know if you are a girl or a boy, as she wants to know as soon as possible, so she can make you a blanket.

And your grandfather, Clint’s dad was very excited too. He said, “I think that I’m going to be a wonderful grandfather.” I think he's right. Also, he cried when we told him. And then I cried. You'll get used to this one day. I cry a whole lot.

I love you. We love you. We ALL love you.

so, there you go. that's how the first few days went. i am so glad i have that. so glad i found it. this just reinforces the habit of me never, ever, ever throwing anything away. ha.

i love you sweet baby. what a blessing you have been from day one.

love, mommy.

sweet little tucker.

about a month ago, my friend allie and her little boy tucker met us for a playdate. we went to a local church where they have the most amazing tubes for kids to play in/on. pratt and tucker are too little for the real deal, but there is a toddler area that appropriate for them.

i haven't posted the pictures because allie was using one of them for tucker's first birthday invites, and so i have delayed posting about the date.

so that when pratt looks at his blog book, he knows what allison means to me. let me elaborate.

when i was pregnant, allie always told me how pretty i looked. and she meant it. i'm not sure how, but she did.

when i was a new mom (a horrible, unreliable, losing my mind new mom), allie built me up in ways that you just cannot imagine. she talked me off several ledges. and was the one person to say, "hannah, it's more important for you to be sane than for you to try to nurse." as silly as that may sound, that was a lightbulb moment for me.

allison is the one person who i can call and cry to. i never regret it. i never feel like i'm bombarding her with my problems. she's real. and honest. and the most selfless person i know. and i know a lot of people.

so allison. thank you. thank you for keeping me sane for the 26 months. thank you for loving me when i'm extremely unlovable. thank you for always always always understanding.

and pratt. this is your friend tucker. and his mom. one day you and tucker will probably be scooping mule poop off the "plot of land" that your daddies own. they talk about how they want a mule. and maybe a pony. or something like that. i don't know.

enjoy the pictures of this beautiful little boy.

and my favorite picture of all...



happy (early) birthday sweet little tucker. we love you.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

these days you stay up really late. like 9 pm late. but it's not even like 9 pm. because every single night, i think to myself, "he will go to bed as soon as he gets fussy."

yet, you never get fussy. so then i think, "okay. well, he's going to be fussy tomorrow because he isn't sleeping until 9." and then i realize that you sleep until 830 or 9 the next day. and you're never fussy.

i don't get it. you shouldn't be this good. as kristin said once, "hannah does not deserve a calm baby. there is nothing calm about her. it's just not fair."

you are so easy. so incredibly easy. we are so incredibly spoiled.

today you had your first valentine's day party at kids day out.

we took dora valentine cards with miniature m&m packs. they are probably your favorite. you don't get them a lot. but when you do get them, your entire mouth turns blue. and your hands are stained. and you hold as many as you can as tightly as you can in your fist. i think you're worried i might take them from you to eat. smart kid.

before i left you at kdo, i peeked in at you. you've stopped crying when i drop you off. i think you actually want to go. there are something like 12 other kids in there. and you love it. i watched you ride the horse today. i think it's your favorite. you're so inquisitive. you watch what all the other kids do. and then you go over and become a part of it. but not in a pushy way. more of just you wanting to be a part of the group too.

you love your teachers and let me tell you, they love you too. the other day, ms. janice said, "bye bye pratt. i love you."

it brought tears to my eyes. it was so sweet. and it's so nice to know that they love you. we can never have too many people in our lives loving us.

you made me and dad a "happy valentines day" picture. you colored it. and rest assured, i will have it framed soon.

days go by way too fast. time seems to fly by. but i promise i'm trying my best to soak in every single moment with you.

you are our most favorite little man. you always will be. always, always, always.

love you sugar pie,

mommy.

snow days.

monday and tuesday we had snow days. i'm fairly confident we got somewhere around 6 to 7 inches of snow. honestly. it was nuts.

i woke up monday morning around 4 and heard something hitting the windows. somewhere in my subconscious, i knew it was snow. but i never got up to look. so when clint's phone vibrated around 6 am, he got up and woke me up. amanda had texted him to tell him she was snowed in! and i just remember him in this little kid voice going, "han! han! it's snowing!".

so we spent monday in the snow. well, he and pratt did. they were out there a while. pratt is to the point where he hates and i mean hates coming inside. and he didn't argue it when clint said it was time. i think they were both pretty cold.

here are some pictures of their good time. i'm pretty sure that clint is ready for work tomorrow. ha. and it's safe to say that pratt is probably ready for kids day out too!

and i'm fairly confident that you guys get sick of seeing close ups of this little guy, but i never, ever, ever get tired of taking them. i think he's beautiful.

i know, i know...i'm his mom. i'm supposed to.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

when i close my eyes, this is what i see.

these faces. your faces. three of your most common little expressions.

they remind me of your daddy. of our simple little life here.

they remind me of warm chocolate chip cookies. and days where we never get out of our jammies.

they remind me of the countless times we read to you. or stack blocks with you. or talk to you. or answer your questions.

they remind me of my blessings. my many, many blessings.

i love you. i love you more than you could possibly imagine.

mommy.