outside.

it seems that i'm outnumbered. pretty much everyone else in this house likes to be outside. in fact, if you polled everyone here, as to "where is your favorite place?"....the most common answer would be "outside".

well, except for me. i'd take "outside" if outside meant beach.

but it seems that for the next ten years of my life, i'm going to have to get over it.

so today, our family had a little fun outside...sans the taboggan.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

today was probably one of your top five best days. honestly. me, on the other hand, well...i had a lonely day. fridays can get lonely because your dad is away from us. hours away. he, of course, does this so you and i have a roof over our head...and warm food...and we so appreciate it. but still, i miss him. i sort of feel like a piece of myself is missing. more on that when you get older. it's a good thing, though. a really good thing.

this morning we drove to hot springs to get my hair cut. the girl that cuts it, has cut my hair since college. jessica. i found her after i had the rat-tail cut at walmart after my midlife crisis (yes, i was 20...but trust me. it was a crisis.)

jessica and jay have a sweet little girl named allie. jay watched you and allie while jess cut my hair. when we finished, we found you guys in allie's room. sitting on jays lap, reading a book. it was so precious. you were loving it.



we took a "retail therapy" trip to walmart. it worked. i felt a little better. we bought a cool preschool workbook for you. it was on sale. and i just had to have it. and we got you a bouncy ball...one that bounces like 30 feet up in the air. and playdoh. yay for playdoh!

you took an extra long nap. 3.5 hours. and then when you woke, we made popcorn. and then we ate ritz crackers topped with cheddar and a pickle. you love that. me too.

we took a trip to old navy for socks and pajamas. on our way out, you spotted petco. oh, petco. you immediately started pointing saying, "fish! fish!" and making your little hand gesture for fish. i explained to you that we were going to get in the car and drive over there, but you were not having it. you cried the entire one minute it took to get there. when you finally realized we were pulling up to see the fish, you started smiling again and saying, "fish! fish!".

you got to pet the kittens. and see the birds. you watched the turtles. and the snakes. and the lizards. and then...we saw the fish. i think we must have spent 30 minutes in there. but you really could have stayed for an hour. or more.

i tried so hard to make sure you didn't freak out when we left, but i failed. i had you say "bye bye" to everything. we walked around and said bye to the fish, the birds, the snakes, the turtles. the kittens. everything. even the check out lady. but the minute you spotted the sliding door, you started crying. big crocodile tears. i explained that we would go back tomorrow, but you just kept on pointing back at the building saying, "fish! fish!". so sad.

you cried until we got to our exit to go home. probably four miles. hard crying. this is totally your dad's fault. he's the one who started taking you to see the fish. we will have to get you a small fish bowl soon. maybe this weekend. i think you would love it.

dad got to stop in and say hi for a few minutes before he left again for poker night. your daddy doesn't really get to do anything...and so this is his one thing that he's done in a long, long time. months, i think.

you ate lots of peanuts tonight after your bath. the jar was on the floor, and you'd walk over to it, take the top off, dig one peanut out, eat it, then put the top back on the jar. you are so deliberate with your actions. so precise. it's precious...and so much like your daddy.

you were acting pretty tired around 8. which is your normal bedtime. but you never really were fussy. so i kept asking you if you were ready for bed. you kept saying no. finally, around 9, you said, "bed." and up you went. you layed down, grabbed your pillow and rolled over. and i haven't heard a peep since.

i never want this to end. this age. this stage. all of this. you are my favorite little boy in the whole entire world. daddy and i are so lucky to have you as ours.

love, mommy.

believing God.

i want to share something. i rarely do this, because i rarely feel that God is talking directly to me. but last night, i felt it. well, really...this week i have felt it.

tuesday at moms-n-more, the speaker cary collins was pretty much sent there for me. she said some things that i needed to hear. and she gave a handout. which pretty much sealed the deal. because from the time i was a little girl, i've prayed, "hello God. please talk to me. i have lots of questions i need answered. and i'd be great if you'd leave me a note. maybe a fill in the blank sheet. something of the sort."

He's never done it. but He did it on tuesday. and He did it last night at bible study.

we're doing a beth moore study. believing God. if you've never done a beth moore study, let me encourage you to do one. she is amazing. i've only done one other, but i just love her. and i love to watch her. and listen to her. she's hilarious. and strong. and honest.

where to start?

okay. i've mentioned here several times that i get overwhelmed with the world. with stuff that happens. sickness, death, etc. and i haven't been able to wrap my mind around it. and the best i can do, is just pray. and continue believing that God will take care of those affected. that it will eventually make sense to me. maybe tomorrow...maybe twenty years from now. who knows.

and while i told myself that, something still wasn't clicking. like the pieces still didn't fit. it seemed crammed. or maybe lacking. i dunno.

last night beth was talking about God. and about how big He is. she said (and i'm paraphrasing), "to explain Him, we make Him common and we minimize Him."

whoa, right. common.

there is nothing common about God. and i know that. and there is nothing small about him either. i know that.

or did i? maybe i am guilty of exactly that. trying so hard to understand Him, that i've made him like me. only a better version of me. our preacher once said that we take ourselves...or maybe even the best person we know...and we make them better...and that becomes our God.

and nothing could be further from the truth.

beth said, "as we study Him, He should get bigger and bigger...not smaller and smaller."

today in the lesson, she talks about how we have all had teachers of theology. preachers, parents, sunday school teachers, friends. etc. and how we may have become victim to some of these wonderful people trying to fit God into a box. (our uncommon, gigantic God.)

she says, "no matter how many phd's a professor has or how trustworthy our parents have been about every other subject or how beautifully, intelligently or lovingly the box is decorated, God doesn't fit."

and then...the real kicker.

anything attainable by human understanding is a mere shadow of the reality.

as my friend rachel says, BAM.

this helps me sleep at night. as crazy as that sounds. this God, this gigantic, uncommon, loving God that i can't even begin to understand or wrap my mind around...this is the God who is taking of everything. this is the God that i pray to. this is the God i'm asking to care for the sick. or the cold. or the hungry.

so, today....today, i'm more aware than ever before...that this God can do anything He puts His mind to.

i'll leave you with this....

from the message. romans 1, verse 23

they traded the Glory of God who holds the whole world in His hands for cheap figurines you can buy at any roadside stand.

may we stay away from the cheap versions of happiness. i think it's safe to say that anything bought at smitty's or any other roadside stand is pretty much junky. and probably not going to last a week.

i hope that God has spoken to you through this message. may you have a wonderful, long weekend.

visit with amy, laura and abigail.

so. we live in a small, small world.

when i was in graduate school (which seems like ten years ago), i met laura. we got to talking and i discovered that laura was from the same town i was from. AND she knew my sister!! they were the same age. crazy.

i instantly fell in love with her. she is adorable. funny. smart. witty. kind. all of the things that i strive to be. she has this quiet charm about her. a soft way of treating people. if you know her, you know what i mean. i've never met anyone in her family, but i think they are all that way. i'm pretty sure of it.

we were both pregnant around the same time. and i remember when she told me. she said something about how it must be something in the water!

abigail was born in december of 2008. well, abigail is a doll. and pratt needed to meet her. he had been going on and on about how he needed to see her when she came in for christmas. they live in boston. so we met at another friends house in conway to visit.

amy. oh amy. amy is one of the greatest people i've ever met. she is so pretty...yet, has no idea. she's funny. smart. honest. hilarious. again, all of the things i strive to be. and she opened her home to me, pratt, laura, her sweet husband kyle and abigail. we had a BALL!

here are some pictures.



he loved miss amy.



look how he's smiling at her. totally melts my heart. kyle probably doesn't like it one bit...but i do ;)

pratt and his awesome mr. potato head from amy. he plays with every.single.night in the tub. he loves to open the back of him and let all the water pour out. he giggles and giggles.

he fed her popcorn for a good while. she liked it. the popcorn, not necessarily him feeding her.

i have no idea. maybe he likes her diaper?

i think they were planning an escape route with laura's keys.

thanks for the visit you guys. nothing like hanging out with good friends. we love you.

16 months.

whoa. sixteen.

joe montana, people. joe montana. pre-kansas city chiefs. this is going to be a fantastic month.

let's see.

his torso is much longer than his legs. sorry kiddo, you get that from your momma. his hair is a honey blonde. sometimes it looks red. other times it's brown. but mostly, it's honey blonde. when he gets out of the bathtub, after having it washed, it's in curls. ringlets almost. he needs a "big boy" haircut, but i can't bring myself to do it. i keep cutting it myself.

his feet are super flat. you get that from your daddy. super flat and skinny. his hands are so tiny and he still holds my hand when i give him a bottle. well, my finger, really. not my entire hand. and yes, he still takes a bottle. even though we were supposed to stop that last month. kiss it. because i'm keeping this baby a baby however i need to. and if that means he will have bottle mouth...so be it. because we can fix that in a jiffy. for free.

he loves to give "bear hugs" and in the morning after his bottle i become as still and quiet as a mouse. at that moment, all i want is for him to sit with me. just sit with me. not to get down and start playing with toys. i just want him to lay against me. holding my finger. with his hair right below my chin. sometimes i have to remind myself to breathe. that's how still i get. sometimes it works, sometimes he gets down anyway. but i savor those times he wants to be a baby...and stay in my lap.

he has a shelf in the pantry dedicated to him. all his food items are there. raisins, cereal, peanut butter, graham crackers, mum mums, etc. he goes in there, and can get whatever he wants off the shelf. i think he likes it. feeling independent. who wouldn't?

he still loves rice. fried or white. he's into grapes right now. and apple slices. he's also totally into dipping. ranch, peanut butter, cheese, salsa, etc. i've started smearing graham crackers with pb. he licks all the peanut butter off and then hands me back the cracker. it's pretty funny. he likes brocolli and edamame. won't eat green beans to save his life. he will eat onion slices whole. yes, people. he will eat bananas, but only in kroger. he points to them and says, "nanana!!!" and so you walk over to them and get one. he will eat the entire thing. then another one. but if you buy an entire hand of them, he won't eat them. something about kroger. who knows.

he loves to people watch. especially in the grocery store. he says "bye bye" to pretty much everyone whenever we leave somewhere.

a few of his words/phrases: "hi yeah yeah" (hi yoda); kitty, dog, dad, nan (nana), cook (cookie), shoog (sugar), ski (skeet), more, done, again, bye bye. clint is trying to teach him "whaz up", and it sounds like "zzzz". it's pretty embarrassing. i'm just hoping he doesn't catch on.

he can point to his head, ears, eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, fingers, hands, toes, feet.

his book of choice lately has been "goodnight moon". when you finish reading it, he says, "again." he could read it all night long. but that's fine. at this point, anything is better than those picture books. they were getting o.l.d.

he loves his foam alphabet letters. for the bathtub. he and daddy have a big time with those at night. and he is starting to like brushing his teeth. clint is getting him an electronic toothbrush for babies, so maybe then it will be a tad bit easier to brush them. he has 12 teeth at this point. crazy.

he loves flashcards. he has two sets. one with animals and one with common things on them. he will bring the sets to you, sit in front of you and wait on you to show them to him. it's so funny. i'll have to post the video from the other night. we flip three or four cards over and ask him to point to certain items. he does really well. he knows several of the cards. um, ball, shoe, sock, house, kite, key, dog, cat, fish, wagon, cup.

this morning pretty much sums up my life. i only fight certain battles. others, i let slide. well, i've started dressing him while he stands up. it's just easier (on him...not me). he hates being layed down. so i took his nightgown off. and put his shirts on. then i took his diaper off. i wiped his little bottom off and turned around for a diaper. when i turned back around, he was standing there, hands on his hips. with his little gut all stuck out. peeing.

YES!! peeing!!! on his floor. on the rug in his room. i sort of gasped, which made him laugh. well, when he laughed the pee shot up a little. of course, you know...it moved. well, this was extra funny to him. he would stop peeing, and i would say, "are you done?" and he'd go, "no." and keep peeing. finally, it had been almost 30 seconds, and i said, "okay, now are you done?" and he shivered all over, and goes, "done. haha."

hilarious. some of you (without kids) may be wondering why i didn't stop him? well, because you can't. and i didn't want to attempt to carry him, while peeing everywhere, from his room into the bathroom. and i was already dressed. and i was not getting peed on. so, i let him cop a spot on his rug. big deal. hahahaha.

pratt, you are a joy to be around. pee and all. happy sixteen months little man.

i love you more than i love m&ms,

mommy.

movin' on up.

pratt moved from the "baby room" at kdo to the "toddler room".

a little piece of my heart broke when laura called to ask if that would be okay. she said she took him in and said, "pratt, would you like to play with these kiddos!?"

and he just took off into the room. where everyone walks and talks and plays.

even though i had to wipe away a few tears, i must remember that we are blessed beyond measure to have a little boy who continues to grow and thrive and change.

time can now officially stop. we're good here.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

i wonder what you will be like when you grow up. when you're 15. or even 10. or maybe even 5. i am, in no way, wishing these first few years away. no, not at all. it's just the opposite, really.

you were walking around the other night, walking away from me and your dad. and as you walked away, dad said, "how crazy is it to think that one day he'll be 18. and wearing similar clothes."

you had on jeans. and a little polo. and a waffle shirt over the polo. your collar was popped...but not intentionally. all i could think of was you being 18. in college. with some silly girlfriend.

i can't help but wonder what you will sound like. what we will talk about. when you come home late from being out. and i'm waiting on you in the kitchen. probably cooking to keep my mind from wandering and worrying about you out late driving.

will we talk about politics? or religion? or npr? will we talk about girls? or your friends. or maybe school.

or maybe...just maybe...we'll talk about your band. about how you need a new bass player. because anderson is the drummer...and well, you play the acoustic guitar (and the harmonica on special ryan adams-like songs) and sing. and well, y'all are looking for someone else.

maybe you'll cook with me. or maybe you'll hunt. oh man...i'm not sure i can eat anything you kill, but i promise to help you cook it. maybe we will watch tv together. or talk about books. or national geographic. or maybe about God. about what He means to you.

oh, the possibilities.

i look forward to it. as i know your daddy does too.

until then, i'll take where we are now.

you're at such a fun age. you love to learn. you absorb everything we say. everything we do. you try to open and close the refrigerator door, car door, closet door, etc before i can even reach to do it. you pay attention to so much.

i don't know what i did before you came along. but i promise you this...it wasn't near as great as what i do now.

i love you little man.

mommy.