thursday thoughts (thanks laura).

so i copied from my creative friend laura. the title.

i was going to call it "lately" but thought "thursday thoughts" sounded much better. more creative. i'm not creative. i have no creative bone in my body. seriously. the last thing i did creative was write my name in paint marker on my see-through pink swatch phone in the fifth grade. and i'm pretty sure that even then, i copied the idea from spencer.

oh well.

pratt is extra clingy lately. wants to be held all the time. when you put him down, he pulls at your shirt. wanting you to keep holding him. he won't let his feet touch the ground. instead, he pulls them up into his tummy. it's really quite funny. and i find myself trying to put him down just to see him work his abs.

i'm sure it's because of the sickness...but i'll take it. he's feeling a little better. still not himself though.

my 30th birthday present is finally...well, 75% complete.

my bookshelves. the bookshelves i've begged for...oh, i dunno. for years. we've never had bookshelves before. and there is just something about them. something clean. and classic. my parents have a "study" at home. dad's study. and it's filled with books. i love that room. it was always shocking to me that nearly every book in there had been read by either my mom or dad. i loved that.

well, here is a picture of our shelves. i have to brag. a business in town built them for us. and then my talented, anal and perfectionist of a husband painted them. don't they look wonderful? we still have to get the doors on bottom part...and the shelves in at the top. but it just totally changes the way that room looks. i can't really claim any credit for these. about all i did was take the shelves out so that the case could be painted.





pratt has lost a little bit of weight due to the d.rear. so, i'm trying to put weight on him. when you consider the fact that he only weighs 20 pounds...2 pounds is quite a bit of weight to lose.

enter poptarts.



he loves them. of course he does. his momma could eat poptarts everyday for the rest of her life.

i have so many pictures that need to be framed. i find that lately i have such good intentions on things...but can't get everything accomplished. for that reason, i've tried to stop making lists. because when i make lists...and don't get everything checked off before bed...i can't sleep. and let me tell you...me not sleeping is not good.

oh, and pratt is attempting to lose his morning nap. whatever kiddo. whatever. the book says that 80 percent have lost that nap by 15 months. and that from 12 to 15 can be rough. because sometimes one nap isn't enough...yet two naps seems impossible. he went down at 1122. it's 218 and he's still asleep. hopefully he can make this a 3 hour nap. and then wake and be refreshed. apparently, i'm supposed to start pushing his bedtime earlier because of the loss of the morning nap. i'll work on that next week. when he's feeling better.

clint is busy freaking me out with halloween decor from walgreens. i hate masks. it stems back to when i was a kid. paxton singleton who lived next door to me, came over one night and knocked on our window with a dang mask on. i peed my pants and have never been the same. i don't "do" halloween trick or treating because of masks. nothing scares me more than a person in a mask being all quiet. i mean, come on.

he hung this crazy death eater in our guest bathroom under the stairs. let me just say this...i almost had a heart attack. he should be glad that i don't kill him in his sleep. he said he almost put it in my closet. i would have died y'all. DIED.



i've been thinking of halloween costumes. i have to just get over the halloween hate i have. i mean, after all...pratt isn't going to do well with his mom being scared of kids in masks.

i have a great costume for pratt. i found the sweetest little hippo costume. after all, we call him prattopottamus. but i'm leaning towards the entire family dressing up. including ace. i don't want to say just what we're doing yet...i'm still trying to talk clint into it.

and finally, pratt has been busy doing laundry. naked. because after all, isn't doing anything naked...much more fun than doing it with clothes on?

thought so...



oh, and he likes to close doors now too.



have wonderful weekends!

the only good thing...

about having diarrhea...

pedialyte freezer pops!

highlights.

i do crazy things sometimes. no...most time. yes, most times i do crazy things.

like, okay. here is an example. if i'm stopped at a stop sign at night...in my car...and someone turns in next to me...i like to open my eyes and mouth really wide (like a ghost face) and stare at their car when the carlights hit my face.

seriously. i really do that. because i am nuts. and i like to wonder if the person drives off thinking, "what in the world was that? am i dreaming or was that a ghost driving that toyota?!"

yes. i really do go that in depth. too many "fear street books" as a kid i guess.

another something i do is this...when i'm having a bad day, i like to think of certain times in my life when my eyes watered up and i almost cried. happy tears..but you get the picture.

there have been so many times in my life when i'm sad. not lately...but when i was younger. and i would do this to cheer me up. to remind myself how great things could be.

like for example...

the day my parents left me for college. they were standing in that back parking lot of flippin-perrin. mom and dad. standing there waving to me. me, standing on those back steps...acting like i could handle it. ha.

the day clint asked me to marry him. standing there with that ring. the most beautiful ring i had ever...or will ever see. him shaking just a little.

the day i got married. walking to the truck to leave the reception. seeing spencer. and hugging her neck. hearing her cry. and knowing how much she loved me. i could feel it.

that same day, seeing clint's face for the first time. one of the only times i really felt pretty. that's true.

the day pratt was born. seeing his little face. and his eyes. thinking he looked so much like clint.

the day pratt smiled at me. it completely melted my heart.

the day he began tapping me on the back. like a love tap.

and today....today, something else happened.

he was standing at his toy box...had just experienced a pretty painful bout of ole mr. number two. i sat down there by him...wanting to cuddle him. to make his tummy feel better.

i leaned down and said, "pratt...can i change your diaper for you?"

he just shook his head no.

so i said, "okay. well, can i have a kiss?"

and he ever so slightly and carefully leaned over and lifted his sweet little face up to mine.

may i never, ever, ever forget.

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

oh man oh man. where to start?

saturday morning we headed east to chattanooga. a place that you'll never see with your daddy as he has sworn, in no uncertain terms, he will never return to.

i knew something was off. it's called "a mothers intuition". and i have it. i've had it since the day you were born. knew something was off then too.

but we had big plans for saturday through tuesday. we were taking our first family vacation to meet andy, clara and anderson. oh what fun we were going to have. we had the bags packed. a picnic basket packed! coupons clipped. ice chest of fruit and apple juice ready!

but you felt warm. 99.4. only .2 higher than normal...but something was just off.

it was 5 hours to nashville. you were really, really good. here's proof.








yes. it's you and daddy watching "dog the bounty hunter". one day you'll know dwayne, the dog, chapman all too well. until then, just trust me on this...it's hilarious that you're so into it. not out of the ordinary...but extremely funny.

we stopped in nashville to see miss emily and dennis. mr. jon was at work...so we missed him :(

the house was beautiful. it's the kind of neighborhood i've always dreamed of raising a family in. their backyard is beautiful with the best waterfall ever. you loved it. i loved every single bit of emily's martha stewart meets pottery barn home. it's exactly what i had pictured.

emily made us a lunch of paula deen tomato soup and grilled cheese paninis. it was honestly the most perfect lunch. rest stop. visit. all of it combined into one.

you had a great time going up and down her carpeted stairs.

she made us a goody bag of warm chocolate chip cookies for the road. your dad ate 5 in a row. but i'm the chubby one. i'm just saying...

we arrived in chattanooga and you were still okay.



well, you had diarrhea, but you weren't really acting all that upset. we played with anderson and clara and andy. we ate dinner inside and dad and andy watched the razorback game. you went to sleep pretty late...around 930 or so. you were snoozing in the pack and play but woke up around 1130.

you were burning up. i knew immediately you had a fever. i was afraid to see how high it was. it was 102.4 nothing compared to that one time a few months ago when it was 104.6. because i knew something was off, i had packed motrin. i gave you motrin and you snuggled with dad and fell back asleep.

i went to walgreens and got you more motrin, tylenol. clara and i had gotten pedialyte earlier because of the diarrhea. mary beth told me that you should be drinking it. and we should put you on the brat diet. bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. everything bland.

i can't remember much about that night. you were up and down. hot and hot and hot. we alternated back and forth with the meds. that morning you ate a waffle. which you loved. and some biscuit. you had pedialyte. and you were okay.

your fever rose again and we took motrin. you went down for a nap. dad and the rest of the gang headed out for lunch. you slept for about 3 hours.

once you woke up, you were better. so we headed to rock city. a place well...i'm not sure about it. it was...bizarre. that's probably the best way to describe it. andy claims it was a "city of rocks". and clara laughed at the description.

we had a wonderful time. and you were great. no dirty diapers. no diarrhea. no fever. andy claimed it was the "fresh mountain air" that had cured you. i was convinced too. see, look how much better you seem in these pictures...

and then...well, then...well..let's just say that there was blood. in your diaper. and i FLIPPED OUT. i can handle blood. i can handle a lot of things. but internal bleeding on my little baby isn't one of those things.

so i made the call to mary beth who told me to take you to the er stat. called vernon to see where to take you.

we spent sunday night from 6 pm to 1 am in the er. at the children's hospital. they did a chest and abdominal xray. which showed nothing. except that your bowels weren't obstructed.

so they started an iv on your right hand. i was a nervous wreck. but my mom had already told me to remember to be strong for you...so i tried. but i have to admit that your daddy did the best job ever. he was so strong. so unmoved by all of it. my little hero, really.

you hated the iv. you tried to claw the nurse's hand off. it took four of us to hold you down. the entire time i was cursing modern medicine. but i know they were just trying to make you better. you were sweaty and crying and screaming at the top of your lungs. "momma...momma". it was the first time i've heard you blatantly say my name.

as if that weren't enough. once they had your iv hooked up (with your entire arm taped to a board so you couldn't pull out the iv), they had to prick your left middle finger for bloodwork. because apparently they didn't get enough from the iv. vampires.

this rendered your two middle fingers (used for sucking) useless. you were so incredibly upset. you always suck your two middle fingers for comfort. and well, that wasn't going to happen.

you had the entire bag of fluid. and the lab work came back showing a high white count. and an elevated alkaline phosphatase number. they did a stool sample and we're waiting to see if something cultures from that. (24 to 48 hours)

before leaving they told us to come back monday night for a re-check.

sunday night once we got to the hotel...it was worse than the night before. you were up and hot going through a million diapers. crying uncontrollably. you could not be pacified. nothing we did helped. finally you fell asleep around 2 maybe. i don't remember. i just know i cried myself to sleep too. i was emotionally drained.

we left chattanooga around 830 monday morning. made it back to our pediatrician's office for a 350 appt. we considered that a re-check. nothing has cultured yet. so we still don't know if it's a bacterial problem or a viral one. we know it isn't rotavirus. but other than that...we aren't sure.

you're still on a bland diet. you slept from 630 to 4 this morning. you and i got up at 4 and had applesauce and toast. and watered down gatorade. then you slept from 5 to 830. you're better...but still not yourself.

i'm constantly reminded to be thankful for our health. as my dad says, "without your health..nothing else matters." so, so true.

seeing you sick is so hard for me and daddy. we love you. and can't wait until your tummy starts to feel better. hearing you cry and seeing your little body double over is no fun at all.

we promise the fishers that we would re-do family vaca soon. only daddy said it could not be in chattanooga. :)

we love you little guy,

mom and dad.

pratt's little drum session.

i married a musically talented man. on purpose.

because there is nothing better than the nights when clint gets out his guitar. and he plays and sings. country songs. old songs that remind me of my dad. my dad playing records.

such good times.

tonight, while i made cookies...pratt and his daddy played the tupperware drums.

and it honestly sounded as good as his guitar playing.

there is just one thing...it made us miss andy. how perfect the night would have been if andy, clara and anderson were here.

can't wait to see you guys!

one rough, long day.

today has been a hard day. and it's nowhere near over.

i'm not sure when it started. maybe when i woke up and realized that we didn't have cold soft drink for me to have for breakfast. and i didn't want coffee. i wanted a diet coke. or a diet dr. pepper. not water. not juice.

at some point, in the past few days, pratt has gone from being a sweet, loving, kind, precious angel of a baby...to a toddler. a one year old who thinks that his way is best.

at some point, when i wasn't looking...someone taught him what i like to call "the stiffen". you know. when they straighten out. get stiff on you...and feel like they weigh 40 pounds instead of 20. when they make it incredibly difficult to hold them.

he does this thing when he gets mad...he grits his teeth, straightens his arms out and makes a growling sound. very guttural. very animal. very scary. and very, very non-baby. very terrible twos. yet, he's just one.

i knew this would happen eventually. well, no...i knew that it typically happened eventually. but until today, i really thought that pratt was perfect. and that he probably would never give us trouble. i know, you're rolling your eyes.

i would be too. but he's just been so quiet and sweet for so long now.

today he was given two thomas the train toys. two small toys. one of them is thomas and one is percy. and he was playing with them at the restaurant. but he started banging them on the window. and so i quietly leaned over and said, "pratt, we can't bang these on the window. it might break. we have to play with them on the table."

at this point, i have to say, i was proud of myself. i thought, okay. i didn't use the word "no". instead, i made it postive. turn the bad into good, hannah...turn the negative into a postive. apparently, little pratt didn't appreciate the applied behavior analysis.

at this point...well, let me just say...he flips out. a jeff lewis flip out. that bad. starts that stiffening thing. gritting his teeth. bending his arms, yelling. i just dropped him to the booth seat. no explanation. nothing. just dropped him there. (not like where he hurt himself. but i didn't cradle him at this point. just sort of layed him there. thought i'd let him throw that fit on his own).

i honestly didn't know what to do. i had seen on a recent dateline special where a psychologist said that when kids tantrum, there is ZERO chance of learning at that moment. that the learning comes after the tantrum. and that it's best to just walk away from it. i couldn't agree more.

but with a one year old...in a booth, you can't really just walk away.

i felt everyone looking at me. you know, thinking, "well...do something." i hate that feeling. i wanted to be like, "y'all do something. like kiss my butt or something".

as soon as i had kids, i stopped staring at kids having tantrums. literally, like the day pratt was born, i stopped. because it all made sense to me.

i called my mom. just so that she would be warned that pratt isn't really the same kid as he was a week ago. she laughed and told me it was normal. that actually made me feel a little better.

then i called clint. and told him that i was upset. i was almost crying. he basically told me what my mom said. said that it was normal for his age. that he is testing his limits. his boundaries. i guess i keep thinking he doesn't know how to do that yet...i mean, he can't even walk yet. how is he already doing something like testing his boundaries?! he can't even use the toilet.

clint reminded me that kids come into this world thinking that their way is the best way. and that it's our job as parents to help them figure all that out. and he reminded me that i wasn't alone. and that he would be home soon. and he would help me.

and that actually made me feel a whole lot better. knowing i'm not alone. i never thought i would say that. i always actually enjoyed being independent. not so much now.

one more thing. my friend tanna. her sister in law, brittany. she was diagnosed with all (a type of leukemia) in october 08. one year ago. she was initially treated in little rock. but then the chemo wasn't working anymore, so she and her family moved to md anderson. the plans were for her to have a bone marrow transplant.

tanna emailed today and said that brittany was supposed to have the bone marrow transplant next week. however, monday brittany found out the cancer is back. and the transplant won't be done until the cancer is in remission.

my heart breaks for brittany, brandon and the rest of her family...and of course tanna. for everyone who loves brittany. for everyone being strong for her.

so after all that...i'm reminded to be thankful for pratt's temper tantrums. to be thankful for his screaming. it only means that he's healthy. and for that, i am forever thankful.

maybe you could use the reminder as well. please pray for brittany.

kicked back.

this was taken around 8 am thursday morning.

he crawled up in his leather chair...leaned back and threw his hands behind his head.

needless to say, i almost died.