our big boy.

so my good friend allison told me that some of her favorite times with her little girl madeline were in the grocery store. when madeline was old enough to sit up in the grocery cart. and allie and madeline could shop and play at the same time.

so allie, i get it. and yes, you're right. it's wonderful.

i'm making potato soup tonight. one of clint's absolute favorites. and green chili cornbread muffins. yummy. courtesy of paula deen...and cookie. because sometimes recipes aren't really right. yes, it's true. there is too much oil in the paula deen recipe. so cookie has to help me fix it.

anyway, pratt loves grocery shopping. i think it's because he's going to be like cookie and his uncle andy...and maybe one day be a great chef. oh, that would just be wonderful!

here he is in the grocery cart. and don't worry, i wiped down that entire cart with antibacterial wipes. i forgot the cart cover that cookie gave me. i'll have to keep it in the car from now on. but it seems that there will be lots more grocery shopping in the days ahead! yeah!!! because i love to grocery shop. sans list. just walk up and down the aisles. i really do love that.

pratt is getting so big. so fast. i rarely use his carseat for anything other than driving now. which is nice...because that thing is getting heavy!

today has been a good day. we went grocery shopping and then he watched while i peeled potatoes. it really doesn't take much for him to be interested in something.

i didn't sleep well last night because of sinus stuff, and took an aleve cold and sinus this morning. let me tell you..if you have any sinus trouble, this is the medicine for you! it's one of those with pseudoephedrine in it...so you have to use your drivers license to buy it. and you only get like 6...but man, do they work!!!

i feel like i'm on an upper. diet pills. or those yellow jackets that i used to buy at gas stations in college. don't judge. i had organic chemistry to study for. i had to find something to keep me up...and coffee wasn't cutting it. anyway, i could lift my car at this point. that's seriously how i feel. and my scalp is moving all around. maybe i should go lay down...

just wanted to document the grocery trip...and pratt's first time to sit up like a big boy! he's growing like a weed.

oh, and our 6 month appointment is tomorrow. we're a little late (about a month) because of the rash. so if you happen to think of us tomorrow around 1, say a little prayer for pratt. because he'll be getting stuck with needles. yucky.

have great nights!

dear pratt.

dear pratt,

when i was a kid...just a few years older than you are, i would pull random books off the shelves in my dad's study. i loved to flip through and see what the book was about. some of them were way too grown up for me. but some i could flip through...see pictures, and i was instantly interested.

like the world books. we don't have those now...i don't know why. but they were the best. each book represented everything in the world that started with that certain letter. some of the unpopular letters like "v" were always combined with "u" and maybe "w". i was always interested in "a" and "m". who knows why.

well, i kind of know why. "a" was popular because most of my early reading was done on africa. i've always wanted to go there. bring back several babies. i haven't given up hope yet. i will go one day. (yes, dad...i really will). and one day, if we're lucky, we'll have a baby from there.

anyway, one day i came across a skinny book called the prophet. i remember flipping through it and not really understanding much of what the author said. the author is khalil gibran. the book...it's deep. and very hard to understand. one of those books that i have to read several times to really get it.

there is a chapter on children. and now...at this point in my life, i understand so much better what mr. gibran was saying. here it is...

your children are not your children.
they are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
they come through you, but not from you.
and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

you may give them your love, but not your thoughts,
for they have their own thoughts.
you may house their bodies, but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
you may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

he goes on to say more. more about God. and about how He made us. but the part that i've recently been reminded of is the part above. the part about "you may give them your love, but not your thoughts. for they have their own thoughts."

i won't lie. this is hard for me. and the part about how you've come through me, but not from me. and how you don't belong to me.

i guess what's so hard is wrapping my mind around all this. realizing that while i'm here to raise you. while i'm here to see you grow...i shouldn't impose my thoughts on you. instead, i should show you what exists. and tell you what i believe. and then leave you alone...so that you may find your own way. so that you may find your own path.

oh, how this hurts. and how i'll fail to do this...over and over and over again, i'm sure.

but i needed this today. i needed to be reminded that our job was just to get you here. your purpose in life is so much bigger than anything i could ever dream up for you. only God knows what you will be. only God knows what you will do in this life.

and while i can encourage you...and i can push you...it is probably best for me to just let you be.

let you be pratt.

whoever that might be.

one thing is for certain...your dad and i will always be your biggest fans. always. no matter what.

we love you.

worth a thousand words.

someone has a tooth!

i know you can barely see it...but for documentation purposes...here is pratt's first tooth!!!

it's bittersweet actually. i mean, could time be flying any faster?

no, it couldn't.

the other night...wednesday night, he woke up at 1135, screaming. it scared me to death. i ran into his room and found him hot and very unhappy. i think it must have come through sometime between then and this morning.

last night i brushed his teeth and didn't see it. and then today...BAM! there is it! first tooth! bottom, his left side.

and to make my husband proud...tooth o. is that right? i'll let dad take a look when he gets home. until then...i'm claiming tooth o!

for my clint.

it's been raining pretty much all day here. on and off.

i actually love rain. as long as i'm not expected to get out in it. all you short girls can understand this. most of my pants touch the ground. you know, the bottom part. so when i'm in the rain, the bottoms of my pants get wet. and i guess by some type of weird, capillary action...the entire pant leg is wet before too long. yuck. then i'm freezing cold. and it all goes downhill from there.

it's been thundering, but pratt doesn't seem to be affected by it. that's good. because his mom is a totally scaredy cat when it comes to thunder. always have been.

i'm reminded today of how lucky i am to be home. to have this "job" at home. there are some days when i complain. but days like this...when pratt and i can have pajama days...i remember why i love it. and i remember that at certain times, it really does feel like this is what i was meant to do.

so clint...if you're reading this...thank you for letting me stay home. thank you for working so hard that i can. thank you for never complaining that i don't always make dinner. and that i don't always have the laundry done. thank you for never, ever asking what i spend my time doing. thank you for being a wonderful dad. and an even better husband.

remember this post next time we get into a fight :) just kidding...sort of.

dear summer and allyson.

dear summer and allyson,

summer, mom says that she cannot wait for me to meet you. she said something about how i'm supposed to say, "rowdy's rockin' again." but i'm not really sure what that means.

anyway, here i am in the outfit you bought me. my waist is finally big enough to hold up the pants! i love it! it's super soft.

also, to the mother of my future bff parker...thank you for the shoes. they finally fit me! and even though my feet sweat just like my daddy's...mom says they look cute...and so i must wear them.

love, pratt.

exactly.

you know how when you close your eyes, you can see someone's face. perfectly. you can see exactly what their eyes look like, their nose. their cheeks. all of it.

well, when i close my eyes...and think of pratt...this is the exact face i see.

and somehow poptart captured it on camera.